How to Separate the Boy in Boyfriend

girl thinking

I’ve never liked the word boyfriend. In other languages, for instance, Spanish, your special someone would be referred to as novio (“boyfriend’) rather than amigo varón (male friend). This clear distinction denotes a romantic relationship as more serious than your typical friendship.  Don’t misunderstand me, it’s great to think of your mister as your friend. Without friendship, no romantic relationship can persevere. The real problem with the word is that it begins with boy. No professional woman should be dealing with a dependent boyfriend. Is it safe to assume that what begins with a boy will end with a man?

It starts off with the family.

If you are dating, seeing, sleeping with a “boy” you’ll know it. He’s an adult child. He looks the part of a man but inside all you get is a pubescent boy who forgets all of his responsibilities. He feels that you should cook the meals and clean the way his momma does. His mom did all of this things because she loved him so shouldn’t you do the same?

No.

In some cultures, mothers baby their sons because… Well because they were raised that way. The girls are all in the kitchen while the boys are watching a sporting event on television. The wives are the last the enjoy the meal because they have to serve the plates for their husbands and all of their children.

No.

This worked when women did not work. If both parts of the couple equally contribute to the finances of the house than both should equally work to maintain the household. High-end matchmaking company, Project Soulmate says relationships should be 50/50; if she cooks, he should clean the dishes.

It continues with you.

11327223_1859543344270207_1004815904_n

So you’ve started getting serious with this man-boy. It started off very casual. First, he asked you to call him to wake him up for work. You replaced his alarm clock but you love hearing his sleepy voice so you didn’t mind at first. Then randomly asks you to do his laundry and you do it anyways because he’s so friggin cute! Before you know it you’re the wife of a ‘boysband’ because never learned how to say no.

The bad habits he learned at home do not have to continue into your relationship. ‘Adulting’ isn’t easy or fun but we do it because we have no other choice. If he won’t do a chore because he doesn’t know how to, then you should encourage him to learn. Professional matchmaker Jenn Zucher recommends taking cooking lessons with your man and assigning a day in the week where he will be responsible for cooking. If he’s lazy, persuade him with a prize at the end. Children need to be bribed with candy so there’s no surprise that a boyfriend might need some motivation as well.

Just because we are nurturing beings doesn’t mean we should let someone take advantage of us.

It ends with him.

You can’t wave a magic wand and turn a boy into a man. As an adult, he has to make the decision to grow up on his own. It’s all about compromise. A man who is your true millionaire match will want to alleviate your stress even if it means doing something he doesn’t particularly like. The only thing we can do as women is to teach our future children to provide for themselves so they won’t have to rely on anyone.

It’s one thing to help a man pick out an outfit and it’s another thing to organize his entire closet. Guide your man, don’t be his guardian.

 

Written by Christina Madera

Dating in NYC: Fun Events for a Summer Date Night

1db9da925e3399be06119dabc35253f8Have you been looking for an exciting date night idea? Our professional matchmakers at Project Soulmate have a few ideas for you.

If you’re looking for a different kind of dinner out:

1. Smorgasburg in Williamsburg every Saturday through October. Head to Brooklyn and check out this flea-market spin off for some delicious and mouthwatering foods.
2. Hester Street Fair in the Lower East Side every Saturday through October. Check out this Manhattan based food fair for some seriously tasty cuisine.

If you’re looking for a night of dancing:

1. Bryant Park Dancing Party every Wednesday through the end of June. Head to Midtown for some music and expert dance instruction at the Fountain Terrace.
2. Governor’s Island 11th Annual Jazz Age Lawn Party August 13th and 14th. This annual event plays authentic 1920s and 1930s music, so head out and flaunt your best flapper dresses.

If you’re looking for an outdoor movie night:

1. Bryant Park Summer Film Festival every Monday night through August 22nd, with movies like Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Top Gun, and The Big Chill.
2. Summer Screen Brooklyn’s Free Film and Concert Series every Wednesday night in July until August 10th, with movies like Scream, The Fast and The Furious, and 10 Things I Hate About You.

No matter what you and your significant other choose to do, you’re guaranteed to have a memorable summer night out in NYC!

Written by Lexey Chandler

 

How Long should Women wait to have Sex?

It’s the question that has been haunting women since the emergence of the dating culture, “Is it too soon for sex?”

 

Megan thinks she knows the answer. You know Megan. She’s an old friend, a friend every gal has. That one friend who thinks she is a relationship guru because she has watched all six seasons of Sex and the City. Megan likes to think of first-time sex as a mathematical equation: Nice guy + job security x 4 dates = perfect timing. As if something as sticky as sex and love can be satisfied with a calculator…  

It all sounds great on paper but it can’t be translated into the real world because no two men are the same. Can we ever really know when it’s appropriate to get inappropriate?

In this 24/7 world, defining quick can be sort of challenge. Even with high-speed internet access, express shipping, and microwave ovens, we are consistently searching for the fastest route possible. This is especially true when you’re talking about dating in New York.sex

Moving “fast” can come naturally for some and it’s not a bad thing; just have caution. Having sex earlier on may be a turn-off for both parties. This may give off the impression of irresponsibility, lack of self-control, and won’t leave any room for the imagination moving forward. However, there are also consequences for waiting “too long”. If your partner becomes impatient they may lose interest in furthering a relationship. With a double edged-sword like this one which one of us can escape injury?

Our relationship expert Lori Zaslow says, instead of asking ourselves how long should we wait we should ask how comfortable do we feel around this person. We need to quit thinking that we can come up with definitive rules for dating. Waiting to text back, waiting to lean in for a kiss….Wait to get to know the person, that’s it! Don’t wait because society says so. Wait because you aren’t ready.

There is no right or wrong answer to the original question: is it too soon for sex? because time is relative. If you feel safe letting another person inside your heart and your mind (and the feeling is mutual) then you are probably ready to get intimate. If we break down sex to its simplest form isn’t that what it is: allowing someone to be inside of you and to connect with you. If you are ready for that level of intimacy, a time constraint will do nothing but ruin the organic flow of the relationship.   

On the other hand, if you are not ready to reach that level of intimacy than go at your own pace. Whether it be a month or a year, just listen to your gut. When you are ready you’ll feel it like hunger for flesh you didn’t even know you craved. Frankly, no man or woman wants a partner who is self-conscious about having sex. They don’t want you to doubt or worry. He or she will want you to be ready so that you can both enjoy it.

The decision is ultimately yours; will you allow your love life to be governed by time or by passion?

 

Christina Madera

 

Top 5 Reasons Why Men Spoil Women

love

Princess, sugar baby, gold-digger…there are a ton of diverse names for women who love to be pampered. Each of these expressions confirms the popular belief that women desire a beau who will spoil them with extravagant gifts and romantic getaways. The truth is; diamonds are in fact a girl’s best friend, but if women can afford to buy it on their own then why do men insist on getting it for them?

 

To show their affection

Relationship expert Jennifer Zucher say men are not as easy to read as women are. When a woman is upset, she’ll cry and when she is feeling pleasured, she’ll moan. Men are more reserved and shy away from expressing their emotions, especially those associated with love. Buying a dozen red roses to show his love is a no-brainer, while writing a sincere poem may be out of his league.

 

To prove their financial stability

Women of today are as independent as ever and men are conscious of this. Yet, men still feel the need to take care of females. Truthfully, it’s hard to blame them when hits like Fergie’s “Glamorous” have girls broadcasting If he ain’t got no money… you know the rest. In the 21st century, American full-time working women make an average of 40,000 a year, yet they only earn 79 cents for every dollar that a man makes. I guess the 20-cent difference makes offering to pick up the check merely a small treat for the date.

 

To make you feel one of a kind

Relationship expert Lori Zaslow knows men want the best for themselves as well as their lady. Men adorn women in gorgeous jewelry to show them how beautiful they are and to convey how much they mean to them. Men also realize that they can also earn major brownie points when they remember that you favor dark chocolate sea salt truffles over the milk chocolate pearls. Very clever!

 

To stand out

            Dating in New York is challenging, especially for men. The women are not just pretty; they’re educated, adventurous, independent, aggressive (who isn’t it’s New York City), hard working, and fun! Finding love in NYC means men have to try a bit harder to gain a women’s attention. This may include additional woo-ing here and there but will nonetheless feed a man’s innate appetite for competition.

 

Because they genuinely want to you see happy

Men want their woman to be happy even when she is in her worst of moods. Project Soulmate believes men can spoil in the simplest ways whether it is by buying a bottle of her favorite wine or a box of greasy New York pizza. A wise man once said, “making a girl smile isn’t as hard as understanding her,” and to this day, I have never heard something as candid as this.

 

Christina Madera

 

 

Relationship Bods: Don’t be a Victim

Relationship Bod

Ah, the honeymoon stage… A time for countless amounts of sex; dinner, lunch, and brunch dates everyday; and movie nights in with big bottles of wine for two. Oh and you might not notice it now, but it’s also the time for you to gain about 10-20 extra pounds in all the wrong places! We call it: The Relationship Bod.

I like to think of the honeymoon stage of your relationship like your freshman year of college. It freakin’ rocks, but you don’t notice all the weight you’re putting on. Eventually, whether it’s your junior year of college or your last, you start to realize (and you start majorly regretting) all those late night pizza orders, and 12 packs of beer you finished in an hour are catching up to you. The same happens with your relationship. You start out super excited and happy that you finally have someone to explore all those New York restaurants with. And your pumped that on weekends you get to just snuggle in bed all day, rather than go out and try to meet new people. Unfortunately, just like the 12 packs you downed freshman year of college, these new habits from your relationship will start taking a toll on your body, too.

The question is what do you do now that you’re realizing you have fallen victim to the dreaded Relationship Bod?? Project Soulmate has some ideas. The best trend going on right now is the development of tons of hip new workout studios like aerial yoga, or cross fit training facilities. A great idea would be to have you and your boyfriend/girlfriend join together. Maybe have some friendly competition, and in no time you two will be back to being babes. Another idea from our professional matchmakers is to start cooking your own meals. There are so many videos circulating Facebook right now with healthy meals that are easy to make (especially with two people) and look absolutely delicious. Not only does this help improve your health, but it makes your wallet happier, too.

So, yes, it is great that you’ve finally found love in New York City with someone who thinks you are beautiful no matter what, but that doesn’t mean you should just give up on yourself!! According to our relationship expert’s, one key to a long lasting, healthy relationship is pleasing and impressing your partner everyday. Give our tips a try, and if you ever need any more advice, Project Soulmate is always open to help!

 

Emily Stovall

When It’s Time To Call It Quits

Dating is fun but it can also be a lot of hard work. Here are a few signs that expert matchmakers will tell you indicate it may be time for a break-up.

 

  1. You’re not excited to see them- If you’re more excited about your dentist appointment than you are about a date with someone you’ve been seeing, that’s a major problem. No matter how long you’ve been together you should still get excited at the thought of seeing each other even if it’s just a quick drink after work.
  2. You make excuses to avoid seeing them- If the couch is more appealing than the person you’re dating: dump them. Again, you should be excited about seeing them, not looking for excuses to avoid them. Avoidance is break-up territory 
  3. You fight more than you talk- Arguing is healthy in any relationship but if it feels like you spend most of your time arguing it may be time to reconsider.
  4. The little quirks you used to find cute are now their most obnoxious personality traits- This may seem like an obvious one but if you just can not stand the little things anymore, they will grow into big things leading to the eventual break-up. Don’t let negative feelings grow and get ugly.
  5. You don’t hate them but you just don’t love them- If the feelings aren’t there, don’t prolong the inevitable. You deserve better than someone who is just ok. There are plenty of other people looking for love in NYC, try your luck with someone else. Don’t stay in a relationship waiting for love to happen. Go out and make it happen!

 

Dating and finding love in NYC isn’t easy but don’t let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game! Get out of your bad relationship and find a great one. After all, spring is a great time for a fresh start.  

Online Dating Genius: The Age Liar

Online Dating Genius: The Age Liar

Online Dating Genius: The Age Liar

So let’s talk about our next greatest pet peeve on online dating websites:

Lying About Your Age.

We get it: you’ve gotten older, you’re single, and you have those great pics from last decade and they’re so much better than that one from last weekend.  So what’s your solution? To get on a dating website, lie about your age, and post old pictures of yourself to snag the matches you really want. Who wouldn’t love a 32 year-old with the relationship wisdom, maturity and experience of a 44 year-old anyway? Problem is though, now you’re kind of a big, fat, liar too…

The question is – what’s your plan? You find a special someone you’re really interested in online, the conversations begin to flow really well, and then they want to meet you in person…remember? Do you end up telling the truth or do you just cut out, and move on to the next match, trapping yourself in an eternal online dating black hole? Either option will not bring you any closer to your goal of finding that special someone who loves you for you. Isn’t that why you decided to date online in the first place?

If you decide to tell the truth before you meet, you have created a very sour taste in the mouth of your potential true love – before your first official impression. “If they lied about this, what else could they be lying about??” Even if they give you the chance…they will be so focused on your looks for your age that it would take a miracle for you feel comfortable enough to be redeeming.  If you decide to tell the truth (or never tell the truth) much farther down the road…all we can say is good luck to you.

Suggestion: Try being real from the start (Those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind, right?) and then invest in some high-quality, professional  online dating photos. (No, it does not look like you are trying too hard and yes, it has proven to work extremely well.)  If you are finally taking the plunge into the online dating world, be honest.  Be honest with yourself and with those on the site. No one wants their time or money wasted, and no one wants their preferences disregarded. Do you?

Unfortunately, you’ll never find that special someone if you are lying from the start about your age and misleading about the way you currently look. Besides, if you looked that great at 32, you probably look fantastic at 44! Embrace who you are and learn the ways to present a package that people can’t refuse. Confidence is the sexiest reported characteristic in dating. If someone doesn’t like you for your age, then you shouldn’t like them for their opinions.

So, if you’re still thinking about going old school in your profile, think about how annoyed you’d feel if you thought you were going on a date with one of these two:

Screen Shot 2016-03-14 at 12.33.52 PMScreen Shot 2016-03-14 at 12.30.53 PM

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And one of these two showed up…
Screen Shot 2016-03-14 at 12.23.05 PMScreen Shot 2016-03-14 at 12.22.19 PM

(Meanwhile, some other people would thrilled to land of date with one of these two and now you’ve wasted everyone’s time. Anyway, they’re both taken.)

If you want to know which profile photos to use, or the best way to highlight great qualities about yourself in your online profile, call Project Soulmate’s online dating experts for answers.

Project Soulmate can make your online dating profile stand out from the crowd. Our profile writing, photography, communication coaching, and account management services can actually make this whole “finding the love of my life online” thing fun! Our professional matchmakers are always available and willing to help, just Click here for more info!  Or Contact Us and ask away!

Check out these Online Dating Genius previous posts: The Offspring Pic, The Bathroom Selfie, The Height Exaggeration, and The Hot Chick In Your Pic.

Find more good stuff here: Twitter: @projectsoulmate   Facebook: Like us!   Pinterest:  Project Soulmate

Emily Stovall

Emily Stovall is our powerhouse Marketing and Business Management Intern.

Jane Rudes is a Communication Consultant and the Online Division Director at Project Soulmate.

We are happy to answer questions for interested, prospective online clients regarding common online dating woes and what we can do for you and your online dating accounts.

What Not to Do: Bad Dating Advice from RomComs

RomCom’s ya gotta love em… right? I mean how could you not, they are cute, funny, and end happily ever after! The downside to these great movies is that they are incredibly unrealistic!! Here’s a list of a few of the best romantic comedies with the advice they give, and with the advice you really want from the Project Soulmate Love Experts:

1.)

Bad Dating Advice from RomComs“Forgetting Sarah Marshall” – Jason Segal, Mila Kunis, and Kristen Bell it’s like the perfect trifecta, but it’s definitely not the perfect advice.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall’s Advice: Follow your ex-girlfriend to Hawaii, meet a perfect new girl, but then still sleep with your ex-girlfriend to “for sure” no you’re over her while hurting the perfect new girl you met in the process.

Project Soulmate’s Advice: Don’t jump into a new relationship until you are definitely over your last. It saves a lot of people from getting their feelings hurt!

 

2.)

Bad Dating Advice from RomComs“Bridesmaids” – Kristen Wig and Maya Rudolph, need we say more?? The movie is absolutely hilarious, but in terms of relationships and friendships… It’s probably not the best movie to get advice from!

“Bridesmaids” Advice: Get super jealous of your best friends new engagement that you ruin each engagement party, and pretend like the one guy trying to help you is making things worse

Project Soulmate’s Advice: Talk it out. Talk to your best friend about your frustrations, and talk to the new guy in your life. This way they both know why you might be acting crazy or flipping out on them!

 

3.)

Bad Dating Advice from RomComs“Ten Things I Hate About You” – A freakin’ Classic! Heath Ledger (love) and Julia Stiles make a great match, but there were some definite humps they had to go through before the happily ever after couple you see at the end…

“Ten Things I Hate About You” Advice: Agree to go out with the “loser” sister for money just so another random guy can go out with the “popular” sister. Ah don’t you just love finding out that the guy dating you is only doing it for money?? Me too!!

Project Soulmate’s Advice: When a seemingly random guy is all of a sudden super into you… do your research. And if in the end, you do find out he had some ulterior motives, decide for yourself if they are something you could get over.

 

4.)

Bad Dating Advice from RomComs“Knocked Up” – Katherine Heigl and Seth Rogan make an unusual couple, but it seems to work… of course this is just a movie. Which leads us to the super unrealistic advice viewers get from this movie…….

“Knocked Up” Advice: Get drunk, sleep with someone, decide not to use a condom, get pregnant, but decide the two of you can work it out in the long run.

Project Soulmate’s Advice: First of all, probably just always wear a condom for a random late night hook up. Second of all, don’t think just because you got pregnant with a random hookup you guys need to force a relationship. Sometimes the best mommy-daddy relationships are ones where the mommy and daddy aren’t even together!

 

5.)

Bad Dating Advice from RomComs“The Proposal” – Honestly any movie Sandra Bullock is in is a win for me, but it doesn’t always mean they’re realistic and I take all my dating advice from it.

“The Proposal” Advice: Avoid getting your citizenship forms completed until you are (almost) forced to be deported back to Canada. Then decide to marry your assistant just so you can keep your job and stay in the country. Genius!

Project Soulmate’s Advice: Keep your visas and all other forms required up to date, so you aren’t forced to marry someone you barely know just to remain in the country. Try going on regular dates before jumping into a proposal!!

 

6.)

Bad Dating Advice from RomComs“Her” – Probably one of the weirdest movies I’ve seen in a while, but Scarlett Johansson does make a great computer voice!

“Her” Advice: Avoid real-life dating at all costs. Don’t even socialize or have sex with real-life people because a computer can give you everything you need.

Project Soulmate’s Advice: GO ON DATES. MEET REAL PEOPLE. PUT YOUR COMPUTER AND OTHER ELECTRONIC DEVICES DOWN AND ACTUALLY TALK TO REAL PEOPLE. Wow sorry, just really passionate about the fact that if you want to actually meet someone to spend your life with, you need to actually dedicate some real life, quality time to those people; and maybe give people a chance that you wouldn’t usually.

 

Moral of the story: Don’t ever stop watching Romcom’s because they offer some needed comic relief to a tough thing we call “love.” Just remember to not take everything they say or do seriously!

 

Emily Stovall

How to Find the Cheater

How to Find the Cheater

Have you been noticing some shady things your boyfriend’s been doing lately? Like changing his pass code… deleting texts… or even blowing off plans? Well I know you might not want to admit it, but your boyfriend sounds like a cheater.

The absolute worst thing to happen in a relationship, is to find out your significant other has been cheating on you. So wouldn’t you like to find out sooner, rather than later? Project Soulmate thinks so. We think you shouldn’t waste your time on someone who is clearly not as invested in the relationship as you are. We know most people are genuine, and not cheaters, but on the off chance that you happen to be dating a scummy-mc-scummers, our relationship experts have come up with some clues for you to look out for.

Let’s start with some obvious red flags: you notice he’s been deleting text messages. I’m not talking about if he’s been doing this the whole time you’ve know him, and he’s just doing it to save space; I’m talking about the guy who has recently started. And for some reason, he really doesn’t want anyone seeing these mysterious text messages. Obviously we don’t condone “snooping” because that shows a lack of trust and disrespect for personal privacy, so our love experts suggest that maybe the first thing you should do is to ask him upfront. If he answers quickly, and doesn’t seem nervous, then I’m sure you’re fine; if not, though, then you might’ve found yourself a cheater.

The next obvious is that they are frequently blowing off plans. Your boyfriend/girlfriend should want to spend time with you, and hopefully in a healthy relationship, they should want to spend about as much time with you as you do with them. So even if he’s not cheating, and is just blowing off plans because he’s “had enough of you for the week,” it’s probably time to dump him anyways. But, if he is cheating, blowing off plans is a definite sign. He might have some great excuse, but more than three or four times seems a little fishy to me. Start asking the real questions like a blunt “Are you cheating on me” and see what he can come up with.

How to Find the Cheater

Sometimes it’s not so easy to see, though, so then you get dragged along in a yearlong relationship only to find out from a friend who saw him out with another girl last night. We don’t want that to happen, I can already see the embarrassment of finding out that way, and it’s killing me. So if you’re already starting to feel like he might be cheating, but you aren’t noticing any “obvious” signs, maybe pay attention to some of these… The first is that out of nowhere he seems to be caring a lot more about his appearance when he’s going to work or just going to hang out with friends. This could mean he’s been buying nicer clothes to wear, or has even begun working out a lot more to get his body in shape. Another sign might be that he has started being overly attentive towards you or started giving you gifts unexpectedly when he’s never done that before. This can sometimes be a sign of guilt, and he’s trying to balance out the fact that he’s been cheating.

The best advice Project Soulmate can give you if you feel like your man or your girl is cheating on you is to ask them upfront. You can get a lot from their answer just by how nervous they may get, how quickly they may try to change the subject, or even if they try to immediately put the blame back on you. If you are feeling “iffy” about your relationship, whether it’s because your significant other is cheating or not, maybe the most important thing to do is to look at the big picture and realize that a happy, healthy relationship won’t have any doubts at all and it could be time to move on.

If after checking out these clues, and unfortunately discovering your significant other has been cheating, then don’t worry. The world is not over, and I can promise you there is someone else out there willing to treat you like the queen you are. Project Soulmate is just here to help you weed out the bad cookies, and to help you find the good ones. Relationships are our forte, and happy, healthy ones are our favorite!

 

Emily Stovall

Nailing The First Impression

UnknownThat’s it! You’ve done it! You’ve successfully weeded through all of the creeps, weirdos, and catfish that you matched with to find a semi-normal human being out there in the online dating universe. You are now well on your way to finding love in NYC. Congratulations, you’ve made it further than most. Now it’s time to take your dating to the next level and go out IRL, and you don’t need an expert matchmaker to tell you that making a good first impression is the most important part of meeting up. Here are a few quick tips for nailing the first impression.

 

Picking a place to meet can be difficult. The location you suggest can say a lot about you before you and your match meet. With that in mind, try to choose somewhere between your two locations that you wouldn’t be ashamed to be associated with. Remember, the decor, clientele, and menu prices will reflect on you.

 

Guys, make sure to show up exactly on time, if not five minutes early. Girls, be sure not to show up more than three minutes late, if not exactly on time. Timeliness shows that you respect the other person. Especially if you’re dating in NYC, it’s always better to be too early and wait in the coffee shop across the street than to rush in thirty minutes late because of traffic only to find their seat has been vacated–or worse, filled by someone else.

 

Any expert matchmaker will tell you appearances matter. The first thing someone sees is what you’re wearing. Your clothes and how you put them together say a lot about you that you don’t realize. Ladies, six inch heels and leather pants can scream “high maintenance” while guys, a beanie and flannel may proclaim “freelancing hipster.” So if that’s the statement you’re looking to make, by all means go for it but be aware of what your clothes say about you.

 

Most importantly, have fun and smile! The best way to make a first impression is to allow your most positive attitude to shine through. Even if you make the other person travel across town, show up late, and look like a bum, any date can be saved by a sense of humor and a winning personality. People like people who are enjoyable to be around, it’s as simple as that.

Written by Joyce Cohen