Welcome to another installment of Online Dating Genius: A blog series brought to you by the dating experts at your favorite NYC Matchmaking Service, Project Soulmate! Each post we declare another “do-not” in online dating. If you online date, you will relate. This time, we are addressing the major controversy over that pic of your kids.
Ok let us open the floor to the most contested topic we face…Dating profile pics of your kids. The answer is very simple. No, no, no! The number is ZERO. The only place your kids belong in your online dating life, is at home with a sitter or with your ex while you’re out on a hot date. Listen up – most dating apps and online dating sites have a way for you to indicate if you have children and whether or not you are open to dating someone with children. Fill it out. That is enough.
Why no kids
You need to take baby steps. First, focus on attracting someone to YOU. Then of course screen them…make sure they are right for you. If you are choosing wisely, “right for you” should be good for your family. If you are dating smart, the part where they meet your kids will be a long way down the road. Bringing kids into the picture (or into your dating profile pics) too early invites unwanted assumptions and judgements about you, your previous marriage, and your kid-situation. That adorable pic of your kids does little other than plant these seeds of thought into the heads of your future dates. Keep them focused on you – and only you.
What to do
So what should be included in your profile pics? Anything that highlights the attractive parts of YOU. Are you fit, fun, sexy, reserved, conservative, kind, talented, a leader, a philanthropist, a cultured traveler, a clown? Whatever you are, your online dating profile is your ad, and you are the brand. Viewers should get a feel for your personality. They should learn more about what you bring to a relationship. They should see reasons they may want to connect with you. Remember, you can design your profile to target and attract a certain type of person that you desire.
There are many useful photo and writing strategies for shining amidst the fog, but including your kids in your profile photos is NOT one of them.
Exception to the rule
In one instance, including a pic of your kids in your profile does not hurt your success rate. It is when your children are not children anymore, and you are not interested in having more kids / looking for someone who wants to have kids. A proud pic of you and your beautifully independent adult children works quite well in the done-with-kids dating world. It says…look at what I have accomplished, I have raised well-adjusted adults – and even more good news…I am now free to focus on myself and my future kid-free relationship with YOU!
Please remember to get your adult child’s consent; another reason why your minor children’s photos should never be included in your dating profile.
Written by Jane Rudes
Jane Rudes is a Communication Consultant as well as the Online Division Director at Project Soulmate. Jane is happy to speak with interested prospective online clients about their online profile and other common online dating woes.
Did you know that Project Soulmate offers more than expert matchmaking in NYC?
We can also help you decide on the best photos for your online dating profile, and offer professional profile writing, photography, communication coaching and account management services for your online dating accounts. Click here for more info! Or Contact Us and ask!
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