Genius Dating Tip: Delete the impossible checklist

Welcome to Online Dating Genius: A blog series brought to you by the online dating experts at your favorite NYC Matchmaking Service, Project Soulmate! In each post, we reveal another online dating profile tip, a.k.a…the “please don’t” in online dating.

If you online date, you will relate.

 

You know who you are, list-maker.

We all know an impossible checklist person. You click on their online dating profile and instead of beginning with a casual introduction, they bombard you with their list of deal-breakers.

• Can’t have too many tattoos
• MUST love dogs
• Part Zebra
• 6 feet tall (no exceptions)
• Needs to know how to pronounce ‘worcestershire’

You see what I’m getting at here.

These kinds of people are more impossible than their checklists for many reasons. I could probably write a list about it, but I would hate to be put in the same category as a listomaniac.

It’s a strength, list-maker. Just not in online dating. 

Compulsive list-makers are successful in the workforce and in the grocery aisle. However, lists are inadequate in dating, especially in the online dating department. The problem is that you just can’t plan out your love life online like you would plan out a To-Do list.

In essence, having an idea of core qualities you would like in a partner is not a terrible thing. For instance, most can agree they’re looking for someone funny, intelligent, and attractive. Three key qualities – just three. Yet, with 7 billion people worldwide, it is still challenging to even find someone who embodies this trinity of characteristics, especially while online dating. Add any more qualities to this list, and you’ll have better luck finding Waldo.

Having overly specific “wants” can be equally as bad as having a long list of requirements. Take this list of core qualities, for example. If you’re looking for someone funny but with a dry sense of humor, someone smart but who graduated from an Ivy League university, and an attractive face but with a side of six-pack abs… Your only option left is James Franco, and he is clearly not on match.com! As your lists become longer and more precise, your list of potential online dates shrinks.  However, your chance at being anything but a sarcastically labeled online dating genius grows drastically. You’re being particular about hair color, occupation, and music taste. However, you’re losing many chances to meet great people who just don’t fully meet your impossible idea of “perfect.” They are just clicking away to other-otherland.

The undercover list-maker.

Is your list even for yourself? You rarely know what to order at a restaurant, yet you know precisely what you want in a partner? Try again. If you’re creating this list in hopes of finding someone to impress your parents or to one-up your ex, remember it’s you who will end up unhappy and deprived of love.

NYC matchmaker Jennifer Zucher knows that lists are impractical and promote unrealistic expectations. “Your friends have qualities you like and qualities you dislike, yet you still work great together. Why? Because you enjoy the moments you spend with each other, and don’t dwell on your differences. Honestly, what if your millionaire match is a cat person instead of a dog lover? Is that fraction of their personality enough to disqualify them entirely? If you’re looking for someone who is 100 percent your perfect match, date yourself! No one on this planet is perfect, and if you want a one-of-a-kind love, you need to let go of the list and let love lead.”