We often get asked: how important is it to have an honest dating profile? How much detail do I need to include for it to be an honest, yet not-too honest dating profile? Putting pen to paper requires a certain amount of fortitude and confidence for anyone trying to tackle any topic. Still, nothing activates anxiety quite like writing a truly honest online dating profile. Who doesn’t want someone to just tell us what to write? Well, you are in luck because that is what we are here to help you do today. So go get your pencil.
Step 1: Prepare to get real
First, you must understand that pretending to be something you are not will only give you a ton of clean-up work later. At Project Soulmate, we like to remind our clients that “There is someone for everyone.” So, have some faith in yourself just as you are. If you are willing to do that right now, congrats; you have already completed Step 1.
Step 2: Brutal reality and honesty.
Second, we release the pressure valve. You’ve likely heard the phrase, “What would you do if you knew you could not fail?” When writing online dating profiles, we like to say, “What would you say if we knew you could not fail?”
Stay calm! No one will see this version. It’s just for you. Write it on a piece of paper or in your phone notes. You will refine it for public appropriateness, if needed, later. For now, just write.
Try not to edit yourself. What do you really feel?
- Whiners make me want to punch a wall.
- Where are the women who prefer to save money vs. keep up with the Joneses?
- I will not tolerate lazy or cheap men (and they all think they aren’t lazy or cheap).
- Being 65+ does not mean we should have no interest in sex.
Go wild. Whatever it is, lay it all out there for yourself. Then, take a good look at it. Let it soak in.
Next, you need to do some circling. Which of these are your deal breakers? This doesn’t mean you can have it all. However, it’s good to know what you will and will not tolerate. Relationships are a give and take, and that’s a good thing because in the next step, the tables are turned.
Step 3: Get on the chopping block.
Third, it is time to put the spotlight on you. Remember, someone else is writing their list, too. If you hide elements of yourself for fear of rejection, you won’t be able to hide them forever. All that time dating that person who knew their deal-breakers will have gone to waste for both of you. It just won’t work out in the end.
Someone out there is going to love you for you, so get real with yourself. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Remember, brutal honesty…no one is looking.
We all suck in some way. What is yours? We also all have things to offer. What about you makes up for the rest? Lay it out there with courage.
Next take a good hard look at it. After that, look at it again. Are you self-aware enough? In other words, what might this list of traits include if you asked your Ex for a character reference on you? Humility is a beautiful thing, my friend. Now you know what’s up, and you should be ready.
Step 4. Prepare for take-off.
Fourth, we get it ready for public viewing. Tone it down, spruce it up, as long as you keep the core truths. Reflect on your expectations. Do you sound like a romance novel addict? Have past online dating encounters left you a jaded cynic?
It’s essential to keep it real, but also to keep it sane. Your next love will learn about your unique kind of crazy the way we all do, after the honeymoon phase, just as you will theirs.
Everyone has their baggage. You’re looking for items that match well with yours. However, you have to make sure your whole set looks good enough for display. Thus, get tweaking. Reword it for social appropriateness…or don’t. Leave it as is and see what happens. Your perfect match might get a kick out of that after all. It’s all based on the one true you and how you present yourself to the world each day.
In sum, don’t take your funny friend’s witty wording and show up with your serious self – only to disappoint your date whose deal breaker was meeting someone who makes them laugh. You want to be loved for you, don’t you? Thus, take a risk and go for that. Be bold, be brave, be bolder.
Step 5. Pics.
Fifth and most importantly, which photos should you use? We have gone over this ad nauseam in past posts, therefore, we refer you to plenty of advice on what not to do here… The Impossible Checklist, The Bathroom Selfie, The Height Exaggeration, The Hot Chic In Your Pic, The Pet Pics, The Offspring Pic, The Posse Pic, and The Not Your Baby Pic
Step 6. Finally, watch a Nike ad for inspiration, and then, just do it.
Seriously…You got this.
Written by Jane Rudes
Jane Rudes is a Communication Consultant as well as the Online Division Director at Project Soulmate. She is happy to speak with interested prospective online clients about their online dating profiles and other common online dating woes.
We can help you decide on the best photos for your online dating profile, and we offer professional profile writing, photography, communication coaching and account management services for your online dating accounts.