Relationship Guide: Brains over Beauty

By: Nicole Hartley

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Thank you Cristina Yang for saying how all women feel. A woman’s best feature isn’t her hair, her eyes, or her breasts. Everything beautiful about a woman comes from who she is as a person, which is a direct product of her brain.

Don’t get us wrong, women love to be complimented on their beauty, but I think I speak for all women when I say being complimented on our intellectual abilities and who we are as people is a far better compliment than any made about our physical features. Throughout history women have proven themselves just as capable as men in every respect, yet to this day the first things complimented or criticized about a woman usually have something to do with their physical appearance or sensitivity. I hate to break it to you, but everyone is sensitive whether they are a man or a woman. That being said, women are strong, capable, and smart, and they should be complimented for those qualities.

If you want to win a woman over compliment her on her person, her brain, and her prowess. You will not only impress her, but you will show her that you care about her past her beauty. Everyone wants to be appreciated for who they are, and women are no different. She wants to know that you care about her for who she is and what she is able to do for herself. Any woman worthwhile is more than just a pretty face or a nice body. As matchmakers, we understand the importance of going beyond superficiality in relationships. Look beyond her looks and understand her brain because this is the true way to her heart.

 

Online Dating Genius

Online Dating Genius: The Hot Chick In Your Pic

Welcome to #3 of Online Dating Genius: A blog series brought to you by the online dating experts at your favorite NYC Matchmaking Service, Project Soulmate! Each week we will reveal another “do-not” in online dating.

If you online date, you will relate.

Online Dating

You’re better off without her.

How exactly does this chick help your online dating success? Did you think that women will find you more attractive because you have a female friend / sister / x-girlfriend that is a 10? Or is this your way of saying “women less hot than this chick need not apply”?

Whatever your reason, it does not work out in your favor. Most women rate male online profiles containing photos of themselves with other women as less appealing because they assume he is hooked on his X, a player (especially when it’s you and a group of chicks), an “in the friend zone” type of guy, or undesirable to these other women in your photo for some good reason. Your pics with chicks are pointless. If you look that good in it, crop everyone else out. In fact, data has shown that online profiles using photos that include any friends or family get less clicks, messages and replies than those using only solo pics.

If you want women to find your online dating profile more desireable, use a photo where you’re looking away from the camera – maybe a candid of you playing a sport or an instrument, one when you are dressed up but not posing, for example; speaking at an important event. It’s that suit and tie or even just that in-command appearance that does it for women online. The idea (not necessarily the image) that others are listening to you, viewing you as leader or even just a guy that can do something really well – is what makes women tick and then click.

Leave room for her to imagine – particularly imagine herself with you.   Bottom line guys – chicks in your pics are a do-not.

Project Soulmate can help you decide on the best photos.  We also offer professional online dating profile writing, photography, and expert matchmaking services for your online dating accounts. Click here for more info!  Or Contact Us and ask!

Coming soon…Age Fibbing…and more! Stay tuned each week!

Find more good stuff here:

Twitter: @projectsoulmate   Facebook: Like us!   Pinterest:  Project Soulmate

Check out these Online Dating Genius previous posts: The Bathroom Selfie, The Height ExaggerationThe Offspring Pic, and and The Not Your Baby Pic.

Jane Rudes is a Communication Consultant as well as the Online Division Director at Project Soulmate. Jane is happy to speak with interested prospective online clients about their online profile and other common online dating woes. 

 

Online Dating Genius

Online Dating Genius: Height Exaggeration

Welcome to #2 of Online Dating Genius: A new blog series brought to you by the online dating experts at your favorite NYC Matchmaking Service, Project Soulmate! Each week we will reveal another “do-not” in online dating. If you online date, you will relate.

Own Your Mini-me-ness

Own Your Mini-me-ness

What’s the plan fellas? If your strategy is “just get her to meet me, then she’ll see how charming and funny I am, despite my height” all she will see is the way you handle your insecurities: with deception. This makes you much less attractive than if you were to actually be upfront about your height in a charming and funny way via your online profile.  

Pushing a maximum of one inch in your online dating profile might work. However, anything easily noticeable in person will be a waste of your (and their) future dating time.   Most women – and more importantly – women worth dating, would choose honesty over height.  

Being on the front lines of online dating with our clients, us matchmaking experts know how hard it is for guys listed at under 5’10” to get the most clicks.  Good news is that a majority of women online are willing to give you a chance despite feeling initially ambivalent about your online profile attractiveness – unlike men who mostly won’t engage online unless they feel highly attracted to a woman’s pics.  Data shows that women decide how attractive you are after meeting in person for at least 15 minutes . Hence, your personality plays the outweighing factor when she’s on the fence.

Own it guys.  If you put a taller height to appear in more online dating searches, then say something funny and honest about it in your summary to hitch her.  Humor and self-confidence are the keys to a woman’s heart.  Bottom line guys…height deception is a do-not.

Did you know that Project Soulmate offers professional photo coaching and management services for your online dating accounts? Click here for more info!  Or Contact Us and ask!

Up next…Kids in your pics, photos with friends, height or age fibbing and more!

Stay tuned each week and find more good stuff here:

Check out these Online Dating Genius previous posts:  The Bathroom SelfieThe Offspring Pic, The Hot Chick In Your Pic, and The Not Your Baby Pic.

Find more good stuff here: Twitter: @projectsoulmate   Facebook: Like us!   Pinterest:  Project Soulmate

Jane Rudes is a Communication Consultant as well as the Online Division Director at Project Soulmate. Jane is happy to speak with interested prospective online clients about their online profile and other common online dating woes. 

 

Will he go the distance?

When embarking on a new relationship, the question is posed.. where should you meet? Relationship Experts Lori and Jenn suggest meeting at a location that is as close to an equal travel distance as possible. This will allow for a neutral location and start the date off on an even playing field. If you come all the way to him, it will eliminate the chase.

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Men love the chase. If a woman travels all the way to the man (especially for the first date) the man will not have to put in ANY work. This could lead to you being much more interested than he is. Does this sound like something you would do? Think about past relationships… were you the one making all the decisions and consistently in charge? It’s time to let this old habit go and let the man lead the way. This will set the stage for a healthy relationship.

If he comes all the way to you… congrats, this guy could be a keeper. It’s important to remember that you ARE worth their time and energy. If they are willing to travel an hour downtown to meet you, let them. This shows commitment right off the bat. It will set the tone for a good potential relationship. However, there is nothing wrong with returning the favor later on down the road. As I always say, relationships are a two way street. If you are blindly meeting someone online or unsure about this person, make sure you meet halfway so there is no option to come back with you.

So you’ve figured out the area… Now where should you meet?

Meet up for a quick drink! You will know on first sight if there is chemistry there. If it isn’t, this quick date will make it easy to leave if you aren’t feeling it.
Grab a bite to eat and have dinner together, go enjoy the changing of the seasons with a walk around the park! Anything that will allow for stimulating conversation is a good choice. Going to the movies or meeting to go to a friends party will not truly allow you to see if a connection is there.

     Dating in NYC can be hard, especially with subways, taxis, and traffic involved. However, keep in mind that if both people put in the effort to make a relationship work, there is a much greater chance that it will end in happiness! Who knows…. your next date could be your soulmate!

 

BY: LILY DOERFLER

Online Dating Genius

Online Dating Genius: The Bathroom Selfie

Introducing Online Dating Genius: A new blog series brought to you by the online dating experts at your favorite NYC Matchmaking Service, Project Soulmate!  Each week we will reveal another “do-not” in online dating.

If you online date, you will relate.

Online Dating Genius

The Bathroom Selfie

Gentlemen, you may think you look great that day. Maybe you do. Problem is – women are much more likely to notice your background bedroom mess and be turned off by the unwarranted glimpse into your bathroom, than be turned on by your “hot” look.

Data shows men who include photos of themselves looking away from the camera get more responses. Just ask a friend to take a candid of you at the beach, when you’re dressed well for work or while going out at night. If you’re alone, at least use the timer on your smartphone cam. The mirror is not your friend! Get out of the bathroom…and the bedroom. Always be mindful of your background.

Relationship experts say that most women click away from male profiles that include selfies. Especially shirtless selfies. Worse…shirtless bathroom selfies. This strategy can negatively imply a lot about you. Women online often perceive men who use selfies as shallow, lonely or not confident enough to ask someone else to take their photo. You should aim for pics that highlight your personality and your hobbies. A great matchmaking tip is to include a minimum of one clear headshot, one candid with a nice smile, a clean-cut full-length picture of you dressed more formally and one shot taken while doing something you love. Mirror pics and shirtless selfies will backfire for men when it comes to dating women online, so bottom line guys…selfies are a do-not.

Written by Jane Rudes

Did you know that Project Soulmate offers professional photo coaching and management services for your online dating accounts? Click here for more info!  Or Contact Us and ask!

Up next…Kids in your pics, photos with friends, height or age fibbing and more!

Stay tuned each week and find more good stuff here:

Check out these Online Dating Genius previous posts:  The Height Exaggeration, The Offspring Pic, The Hot Chick In Your Pic, and The Not Your Baby Pic. 

Find more good stuff here: Twitter: @projectsoulmate   Facebook: Like us!   Pinterest:  Project Soulmate

Jane Rudes is a Communication Consultant as well as the Online Division Director at Project Soulmate. Jane is happy to speak with interested prospective online clients about their online profile and other common online dating woes. 

 

Trick or Treat: How to Tell if Your Relationship is Salty or Sweet

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Halloween is a coveted holiday for various reasons, but the most obvious is because it’s the one day of the year when you can be anyone you want to be. Who do you want to be this Halloween? Or more importantly, who do you want to be with this Halloween? The holiday comes with all sorts of fun things like sweets and hair dye, but it also brings out the goons and the goblins. So, how do you know if the person you are with is a sweet treat or a salty trick to watch out for?

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  1. He refuses to do a couple costume with you
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    Couple costumes can be silly and most of the time absurd, but they are fun way of expressing your relationship to others! If he is totally against a couples costume then clearly he is insecure either in himself or the relationship, or possibly both. No one likes an insecure person especially on the one day of the year when the whole point is to get out of your comfort zone and be something silly! Couple costumes aren’t a must, but a good attitude and someone who is sure of himself and you absolutely is!
  2. He won’t share his candy
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    What? Are you storing your candy for winter? Stingy people are the worst kinds of people. Okay, I get it, candy is super awesome and we all want it for ourselves, but if your significant other can’t spare one Kit-Kat bar he’s totally salty and not worth your time. Trick or treat? Total trick; find someone who wants to give you all the Kit-Kat bars Hershey has to offer.
  3. He hates the holiday
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    It takes a special kind of person to hate the most fun holiday of the year. If he hates Halloween he is a total grouch. Sure, maybe there’s a possibility he has some personal issues with clowns or something, but REALLY do you hate the whole spirit that Halloween has to offer? Candy, cute kids, and dressing up are all fun things that even the grouchiest people love to participate in. So, if he hates Halloween he’s probably got a bad attitude, which quite frankly isn’t fun for anyone.

Treat

  1. He takes pride in his costume; silly or sexy
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    A guy that can laugh at himself is not only sexy, but it also shows that he is confident in himself and clearly has a sense of humor. BIG TREAT. If he can dress up as Pamela Anderson and insert some big balloons into his shirt, while wearing short shorts then he’s a keeper for sure.
  2. He thinks you look sexy even in your big SpongeBob costume
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    This is big. No girl wants to feel like she HAS to dress up as a Playboy bunny to please her man. If you want to dress up as a Playboy bunny, all the power to you. However, wanting to and feeling like you have to because he wouldn’t like it if you wore something baggy and unflattering are 2 different things. If he appreciates you dressing up as something absurd like Gandalf Grey from Lord of the Rings then he’s a total treat. He loves you for you and thinks you will look sexy in anything, including a beard.
  3. He’s great with the kids when he answers the door
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    Guys that are cute with kids are the best thing since sliced bread, am I right?! If he loves being silly and fun with the kids when they ring the doorbell then you know he’s doing something right. The way a guy is around children is a tell tale sign of how he will be not only as a father, but also as a husband. Keep him around this Halloween because he’s a total treat.

Happy Halloween from the team at Project Soulmate!

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By: Nicole Hartley

 

Love yourself first.

Love yourself first.

When thinking about your day to day life, what comes to the forefront? Your workload? Meeting a business partner? Trekking to a different neighborhood to see a friend? No matter what you are doing, do other people come first? This is commonplace in today’s society and sometimes it’s hard to remember to think about yourself. The phrase “self love is the best love” is true, but once you love yourself you can be open to loving others, and loving them wholeheartedly with no reservations. New York’s Elite Matchmakers think that loving yourself first will lead to extremely healthy and successful relationships. The best way to do this is make sure that you take care of yourself mind, body, and spirit.

If you find yourself hearing the phrase “treat yourself” and don’t know what that means… Here are a few tips to help you finding and accepting your best self.

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1. Add some personal time to your schedule. If you work everyday and are constantly booked with friends on the weekends, try penciling yourself in instead. Sundays are great days to relax and unwind. Grab a book or try a new hobby like writing a blog, running, or even knitting. It important to maintain your interests so that you don’t end up feeling burnt out.

2. Follow the aforementioned phrase and treat yourself. If you’ve has a long week and want Shake Shack for dinner instead of cooking… do it! Sometimes even diets need to be broken to feel full. There is no point in going through life constantly wanting more. Life is all about choices and it’s best not to overthink small things like this. If you want it, go get it.

3. Enjoy some ‘tech-free time’. Studies say that we should unplug at least one hour before going to bed to maximize the effectiveness of sleep. This seems almost impossible in today’s age where emails are flooding your inbox every minute and social media is more prevalent than ever. Make a conscious effort to put your phone down before bed and you will be grateful, so will your cell phone bill.

4. Find ways to destress. It can be as simple as looking out of your window, taking a 5 minute stretch at work, or working out. Try drinking tea before you go to bed, chamomile been proven to decrease mild anxiety! No matter what it is that you do, do it because you want to, not because you have to.

5. Start a gratitude jar! Everyday (or whenever you remember) write down something on a slip of paper that you are grateful for, or a positive thing that happened that day. At the end of the year you will have a collection of little happy things to remind you how great life can be everyday.

Relationship Experts Lori and Jenn feel that it is important love yourself before you can open up to others and find your potential soulmate. Accepting yourself as you are is the best way to live your happiest life.

BY: LILY DOERFLER

New York's Top Matchmakers

Girl Code. Synonymous with Guy Code. Urban dictionary defines this as: “the code of guidelines that are girls most obey in order not to get kicked out of the community”. Ideals are often mentioned by the cast of the well- known MTV show. Whether you believe in these guidelines or not, you are bound to run into people who do. Codes like this can foster a sense of community or tear people apart. New York’s Top Matchmakers agree that following this code will lead to better friendships and relationships. Here are some scenarios to help navigate the crazy world of being a woman.

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1. You and your friend are at a bar talking with a guy you just met. You think the one your friend is interested in is cute too. You…

A. Pretend like you don’t notice your friend is into him, you make your move.
B. Ask the cute guy to introduce you to some of his friends, why can’t you both have it all?
C. Go out on your own to find some new friends and give them some alone time.

The breakdown:If you answered A, good luck keeping that friend. Think more along the lines of ‘treat others the way you want to be treated’. If you chose B, you’re a good friend who is going to make the most out of this situation. There is nothing wrong with trying to make your night a little better, as long as you don’t ruin your friend’s fun. Picked C? You’re on the right track to making a good friend and finding a new guy.

 

2. You are looking to date again. It just so happens that the person of interest is the ex of your friend. You…
A. Pursue him, disregard that he has a history with your friend.
B. Find someone new to date!
C. Ask your friend if she would be okay with you getting to know him.

The breakdown:
Chose A? You’ve got some re-evaluating to do. If you choose the guy, especially without asking, you are guaranteed to be terminating your friendship and any level of respect that was once there. If you answered B, congratulations! You are a decent person. You’ve taken into account all of the potential issues and made the right choice. If C was your answer, I hope that you are not close friends. This is a sticky situation, if you feel like they really wouldn’t care, go ask. But, be wary that this may cause some problems down the line, whether they say it or not.

 

3. Your friend and her boyfriend broke up awhile ago and you would like to reach out as friends, he was always so fun to be around! You…
A. Realize this could have some negative consequences and leave it be.
B. Reach out, what’s the harm?
C. Ask your friend if she is comfortable with you reconnecting.

The breakdown:
If you chose A, you are very smart. No friend wants to be confronted about an ex when they are trying to move on. Picked B? Think again, friends will value you asking, it means you respect them. Some people do not show how much a breakup has affected them, and if you aren’t aware of this a bridge is likely to be burned in the process. You answered C… prepare for some potential awkwardness. Depending on how bad the breakup was, you could be landing yourself in some hot water for even asking.

 

Bottom line:
When in doubt, always ask. Mutual respect is the building block for any great friendship and breaking that down will have a negative affect on your relationshipNew York Dating can be hard, we get that but don’t mess with ex’s if you want to keep your friendship intact. Good friendships will lead to better intimate relationships. Above all, treat others the way you want to be treated and life will be a breeze.

 

BY: LILY DOERFLER

5 Things Men Look For in a Woman

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  1. Confidence
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    Just as women look for confidence in their man, a man loves to see that a woman has confidence in herself. Confidence is attractive and sexy because it shows a guy that you know what you want not only for yourself, but also from others. Men want to know that a woman has faith in herself and in the them because it shows them that you are confident in the relationship and its future.
  2. Independence
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    Every man loves a woman that can hold her own. He wants to know that you want him, but you don’t necessarily need to rely on him. Independence is key to any relationship because it is important to have your own hobbies and interests in order to maintain a healthy and stable relationship. In other words, he doesn’t want you clinging to him every second of the day to do things with you. The last thing anyone should be in a relationship is needy, so be independent because at the end of the day it’s good for both of you and will lead to a healthier, long-lasting relationship.
  3. A Challenge
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    Everyone loves a challenge, especially men. It is endearing to a man when he has to work to try to figure a woman out. Men love to learn more about a woman as the relationship progresses, so don’t air out all your dirty laundry on the first couple of dates; make him wait for it. He wants to know that there is more to you than he already knows, and there probably is, so tell him at the right time not just any time. So, ladies give him a challenge and leave him wanting more both intellectually and physically.
  4. Complexity
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    Just like anything in life, it’s important to be versatile and good at many things. Men like to know that their woman is a bunch of women rolled into one. He doesn’t just want you to be smart or just hard working. He wants you to be smart, hardworking, cute, and caring all in one. Now, I’m not saying that you have to be superwoman, but every woman has multiple interesting personality traits and habits, and he wants to see that versatility in you. You have many strengths, so show him that.
  5. A Good Attitude
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    Above all, every guy loves a woman who has a good attitude. Men love a woman who is fun, positive, and who love to do things. No one wants to be with someone who is always in a bad mood or negative about things because quite frankly, it’s no fun. Obviously everyone has bad times and times where they simply need to be grumpy, but being grumpy and being a grump are two different things. Someone once told me, “A positive attitude changes everything,” and there is nothing more true. If you go into something thinking you are going to succeed or have a positive attitude about it, I can almost guarantee you the outcome will be a good one. So, if you want your relationship to succeed, have a positive attitude, there’s nothing like it.

By: Nicole Hartley

 

 

How To Learn From Every Date

“We met for a reason, either you’re a blessing or a lesson”

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Everyone who walks into your life can teach you something new. Although dating takes time and effort, we can learn from each date we go on. We learn our preferences and what we can tolerate, and we discover things about ourselves that we wouldn’t have known if we didn’t go on that date with the guy in the band who wouldn’t stop talking in lyrics and brought a sandwich to the bar in his backpack…

This applies to bad dates and past relationships. When we meet someone we automatically try to figure them out. We make judgments based on first impressions but there is so much more to a person besides their clothes and hairstyle. Going on dates teaches you to be more open and willing to get to know people for who they actually are before writing them off. Also, going on dates opens you up to new restaurants, activities and cool bars that you would not have know about if you hadn’t gone on the date. And, if the date was bad, you now have a new spot to bring all of your friends next time you want to change it up.

We can also learn a lot from failed relationships, whether they ended on decent terms or it was the World War III of breakups, there is always a silver lining. And I know that sounds cheesy, but it’s true. When you go through a horrible breakup, you reflect on all the things that went wrong and the way things should have been handled. Regardless of whether it was your fault or your significant other’s, you now know how to handle those issues in the way you wish you had.

No matter how toxic or how simply uninterested you were, you learn what you like and what you don’t like, what you want and what you don’t want, and what’s important and what’s not important. You learn about yourself and there is nothing more valuable.

The phrase goes, you have to kiss a few frogs before you find the one. And that one may be right around the corner. So take the date! Unless there is a blaring reason not to, have an exciting night out with someone you just met. You just might actually find a keeper in the crowd.

By Alexia Chicles