First Date Do’s & Dont’s

Embarking on a first date can be can be scary sometimes, regardless of if it’s a blind date or one that’s been set up by relationship experts. It can mean something as small as grabbing drinks or as extensive as a five course meal. Whatever the date may be, following these steps are a surefire way to make a great first impression.

 

Do:

Listen. As my grandfather used to say, “you’ve got 2 ears and one mouth for a reason”. This applies to everything in life, especially first dates. People love to talk about themselves and asking the right questions can really open a person up and start a great conversation. No one wants to be interrupted or feel like that can’t get a word in. Relationships are a two way street, give and take. The same goes for conversation.

Put your phone away. Whether you are texting, calling, or simply checking your phone for the time, you’ll make your date feel unimportant. So instead, wear a watch to keep track of time and let your friends know that you can’t be reached during those couple of hours so you wont be tempted to answer.

Wear something comfortable. And no, this does not mean jeans and a t-shirt. Make sure that the outfit you pick out is one that you’ve tested out before. Wearing 6 inch heels that make it impossible to walk are probably not the best choice.

Get excited. It’s not everyday that you get to dress up a bit, take advantage. When you see them, make sure to smile so they know you are happy to be there. Nothing makes a man feel great like a beautiful woman who is interested in him.

Bring your manners. Hopefully they’ll also bring theirs and open doors for you. Please and thank you’s can go a long way in life.

 

Don’t:

Assume that they are buying. Never forget your wallet at home. Even if they do pick up the tab (and in my opinion they should) not bringing a wallet could leave a bad impression. Also, if they want to split the bill and you have no money, things could get awkward, fast.

Get drunk. Sloppy first dates rarely lead to second ones. Know your limits so that you don’t end up drunk. Drinks are fun to have so you loosen up a bit, just don’t come unraveled.

Ask about exes. The reason you are on a date is to get know someone new, not to talk about your past. Exes can bring up bad experiences and can leave your date thinking that you are stuck in the past.

 

Above all, be yourself. Confidence is the most attractive quality a woman (or man) can possess.

BY: LILY DOERFLER

Dating Clichés That Are Not Actually Cliché

Clichés are the building blocks of our great-love expectations. In Pretty Woman when, Julia Roberts’ knight-in-shining armor is actually a business tycoon in a white stretch limo with roses in his hand (close enough). Or in The Notebook, when Ryan Gosling wrote letters to his love every day for a year to prove his devotion. Yes, these acts of true love are extreme and unrealistic, but not in their entirety…

We are told that clichés are silly and don’t mean a thing, well here at Project Soulmate, the Best Matchmaking Service in New York City, we disagree. Let’s boil these scenarios down to the aspects that should be considered romantic, not silly in the dating world.

Every woman loves flowers. That is a fact. If she says she doesn’t, then she is lying because even if there is a slight chance that she actually doesn’t like flowers, the gesture speaks for itself in a big way. When a man brings a woman flowers it shows her that he was thinking of her and went the extra mile just to make his woman smile a little more. Buying flowers does not have to be such an expensive ordeal either! There are few things more romantic than a single red rose.

Now, the white stretch limo; this is a bit of a stretch… but the point is not lost. The idea of planning a little in advance and showing the extra effort goes a long way. It does not have to be a limo, but making a reservation at a nice restaurant or buying surprise tickets to your significant others favorite show, movie, or sports team is unparalleled when it comes to a loving gesture. Simply showing that you made an effort will create those butterflies that we all search for.

And finally, the 365 love letters from Ryan Gosling. Again, the emphasis is on the point. Writing little notes to each other is very cute and endearing. If you have to leave for work before your partner gets up, leave a little note by the coffee pot that you set up for them, saying ‘have a great day! I love you’ or ‘Hope this coffee brightens up your day like you brighten up mine’. Or leaving a little note in the bathroom telling your partner how beautiful or handsome they look, even if you didn’t get to see them. These little notes are precious memories that can be saved in the drawers of your nightstands or in a scrapbook, and will bring you both happiness and giggles when you look back at them in the future.

I know we are all busy, especially in a city like New York, but do not let that stop you from taking the little steps that make a huge difference. Coming from the relationship experts, clichés are the way a happy, healthy and thriving relationship.

By: Alexia Chicles

The Relationship Guide: He’s Just Not that Into You

The Relationship Guide: He’s Just Not that Into You

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If you haven’t seen the movie He’s Just Not That Into You, we have all heard the daunting phrase.

The start of relationships can be exciting, nerve-wracking and at times confusing. At first, everything seems to be going really well. Maybe you met him on a night out with your girlfriends and he asked for your number and instantly you felt like “YES! He’s into me!” After a few days and no call, you start to wonder what’s going on. Is he busy? Did he lose my number? Did his phone accidently fall into a toilet? Then the self-doubt hits you. “Maybe it’s me. Is he not into me?”

Despite the optimism given by your friends and family, Here’s how you know that he’s not into you:

  1. He doesn’t call/text you first
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    This is relationship 101. If he is never the first one to text or call you, he’s not into it. Sure, it’s okay to text him first every once in a while, but if he’s truly interested he will reciprocate your feelings.
  2. If he does text you, it’s past 11 p.m.
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    Let’s face it, if he does bother to text you, but it’s not until after 11 p.m. you are 100% a booty call. We’ve all been there whether we like to admit it or not, but recognizing the situation can sometimes be harder than you think. If this is something that you want, go for it. However, if you are expecting to hopefully date this person down the road, he’s no good and he’s certainly no good for you because he’s not interested in forming a relationship off of late night hookups. Drop him like a hot potato because all he’s interested in is getting his and you deserve to find something and someone more worth your while. Don’t settle for being his late night hookup especially if you want more!
  3. Every date you have involves drinking:
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    Drinking and dating often go hand in hand, but if your guy is only taking you to the local bars when he sees you this is a big red flag. A guy that is truly into a girl wants to take them to dinners, movies, and other fun date nights. If he is only taking you to go get drinks he doesn’t take the relationship seriously. He may just be looking for a good time, but you can count him out for the long haul.
  4. They don’t want to introduce you to their friends or family
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    Friends and family are a huge aspect to dating and getting to know your significant other. If he is hesitant or just outright doesn’t want to introduce you to his friends or family, then he’s either got something going on personally or yep, you guessed it: he’s just not that into you. If he doesn’t want to introduce you to the most important people in his life, it is a huge telling of the fact that maybe you aren’t one of those “important” people in his life. So, my best advice is if you have been dating someone for a while and haven’t met at least a couple of his friends, it’s time to either have a talk or let the relationship go.
  5. They only compliment you on your physical attributes
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    This is a big one. If all the guy you’re interested in can do is talk about how hot he thinks you are or what a “killer body” you have, then he clearly both does not know enough about you and quite possibly does not care to know. Often times if the only compliments he can give are about your appearance then conversation probably flat-lines more often than not. What are you supposed to talk about with someone that can’t come up with a compliment better than “wow, I think you’re really pretty”? Drop the shallow guy and go get yourself someone that appreciates you for you and all that you have to offer in a relationship.
  6. “If he acts like he doesn’t give a sh*t, he genuinely doesn’t give a sh*t”
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    Thank you, He’s Just Not That Into You for this amazing line. There is nothing more true than the fact that guys just do not think about things the same way girls do. They do not over-analyze, they do not sit by the phone and wait for your phone call, and they certainly do not waste their time on someone they aren’t interested in. So, if he acts like he doesn’t care that much, I promise you he doesn’t. Plain and simple.images-4

Identifying if he’s into you is probably the hardest part because the hopefulness inside of us always wants to be optimistic that things will work out. However, in most cases, it just is the way it is. Either he’s into you or he’s not, there usually isn’t an in-between. So, let go of the guys that just can’t get it together to like you for you because chances are they aren’t the ones for you anyway. Don’t waste your time because it’s better spent on someone that will show you their interest off the bat and treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

By: Nicole Hartley

How Picky is Too Picky When Searching for a Relationship?

Lately, it seems that no matter where we turn we’re faced with articles that say that our generation is “un-dateable” or “there are perfectly good reasons why you’re single!” At the end of the day, it doesn’t take a relationship expert to figure out why most of us are single. It’s because we’re too damn picky.

Don’t get me wrong- there’s no problem with knowing what you want in a relationship. That will save you a lot of time, emotions, and lipstick in the long run.

The problem we have is that, especially when it’s been a while, we tend to concoct this dream man straight out of a Nicholas Sparks novel and any guy who doesn’t meet those standards gets brushed off. Hell, you could have the best matchmaking service in NYC set you up and still find a flaw in your date. Maybe that’s why we’ve been deemed un-dateable?

There’s also a problem within the problem. A lot of us are blind to the fact that we’re picky. We wonder why we push guys away after a few dates or second-guess the relationship when something goes slightly awry.

These things happen because we may not be picky in the beginning, but as the relationship progresses, our pickiness decides to sneak out of the woodwork.

At first, he’s your type. He draws you in and you thank the heavens that you’ve finally broken out of your rut. You’re ready to laugh in all of the faces of those who said you were un-dateable.

Then, you’re pickiness shows up to the party. You notice that he’s not as cute when he shaves his beard. You love that he has tattoos, but think the ones he has are tacky and cliché. That one time he came over for a Netflix date, he chose way too girly of a movie (which he only chose for you and almost definitely hated) which makes him way too sensitive.

We’re all guilty of it. We ruin a good thing by nitpicking the reasons why a perfectly good guy isn’t good enough for us. We end up losing him and blame it on everything but the fact that in our picky minds, he just wasn’t up to par.

Like I said, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with knowing what you want in a man and in a relationship. But when the shoes he wears on the third date makes or breaks the relationship, that’s when you need to take a step back and reevaluate which of your criteria are actually important to you, and which ones are just picky pet peeves getting in the way of love.

 

BY: Nicole D’Amato

The Goldilocks Effect: Too Nice, Too Bad, Too Good to Be True

We’ve all heard the old fairytale of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. A little blonde girl wanders into the home of a family of bears who have gone out for a walk. She rummages through their house, trying each bear’s porridge, sitting in each bear’s chair and sleeping in each bear’s bed until she finds the one that’s just right.

While we may have overlooked it as a silly fairytale growing up, our favorite blonde, porridge eating character staged the perfect symbolism for what many of us experience in our journey to find love, which I like to call: the Goldilocks Effect.

Not everyone is lucky enough to have a love life that is so successful, it seems like an elite matchmaker laid it out for them. Most of us go through a roller coaster of guys before we find “the one”.

I’m sure there’s a list a mile long of the different guys we’ve gone on dates with, and each has a defining characteristic that strikes him off of our future husband list. Here are a few that every single girl is likely to encounter at one point or another on her roller coaster ride to find love:

The Nice Guy: We’ve all met, and probably been on at least one date with, “The Nice Guy.” He’s classically handsome, chivalrous, and everything your mom and grandma describe when they talk about your perfect match.

On paper, “The Nice Guy” is the total package. He’s sweet, intelligent, thoughtful, and caring. He opens doors and compliments you. He brings you flowers and picks up the check. He walks you to your door at the end of the night without the expectation of being invited up.

He’s everything you could ask for in a gentleman. So why is it that you seem to write him off if he’s so perfect?

It’s because he’s just TOO nice.

His jokes are funny but safe- you would never hear an inappropriate or sarcastic pun escape his lips at risk of offending you. He’s always playing it safe. He won’t make the move to give you the goodnight kiss that you’re dying for because he’s afraid to move too fast with you. The dates he takes you on are cut and dry- dinner, a walk on the beach, a coffee shop- never something adventurous or daring.

Point blank: because he plays it too safe, so he loses your interest. Women are complex and we need something to keep our attention and spice things up, otherwise we get bored.

The Bad Boy: The next quintessential man that you are sure to date is “The Bad Boy.” He is the polar opposite of “The Nice Guy,” and he is everything that is NOT on mom and grandma’s “How to Find Love” list that they’ve shoved in your face since you were old enough to date.

“The Bad Boy” is just that: he’s covered in tattoos, rough around the edges, mysterious, and has a notoriously infamous reputation for one reason or another. Maybe he’s the biggest player in the area, or maybe he has a not-so-clean past that follows him around. Whatever it is, it attracts you to him like a magnet.

You’re infatuated with “The Bad Boy.” He keeps you on your toes and you never know what to expect with him. As things progress, you start to think that you can break him of his bad boy reputation and that falling in love with you will put him on the straight and narrow.

The sad realization about “The Bad Boy” is that unless he wants to change, he’s not going to. No matter how many times you try to get him to do couple-y things together, he’s more likely to commit to his next tattoo than he is to an evening with you. And forget asking him to post that picture of the two of you to his Instagram. Anything that could damage his bad boy image is a no-go.

If you’re trying to find love, looking to “The Bad Boy” is going to lead to a dead end because just as his nickname entails, he’s bad for you.

The Too Good To Be True: I can personally attest that the guys who seem too good to be true tend to be.

In my own quest to find love, I’ve personally encountered all of the aforementioned men. I’ve been disappointed with “The Nice Guy,” tried to change “The Bad Boy,” and thought I hit the jackpot with the guy who was too good to be true- until it came crashing down.

The “Too Good to Be True” guy is the one who seems to be the whole package. He’s handsome, witty, thoughtful, romantic, fun and easy to be with. Even as you are still getting to know him, you feel as if you’ve known him for your whole life.

From the start, you feel like you can open up to him and be yourself completely. He surprises you with flowers and gifts that he could only know you’d love by actually listening to your rambling that most people tune out.
Everything with him is perfect. It’s literally too good to be true. Then, reality hits. It IS too good to be true.

You realize that he may not be all he’s cracked up to be. Your initial infatuation diminishes as the honeymoon stage ends and you’re left wondering if he is as amazing as you initially thought. Or you find that some of the things that made him incredible were fabrications or down right lies. The excitement over him begins to fade, and the constant communication between the two of you becomes more of a nuisance than it is enjoyable and you start to nitpick everything that happens between the two of you.

As much as it sucks to hear, if you think someone is too good to be true, he probably is.

 

Along the beaten path you’ve taken to find love, there’s bound to have been times where you been ready to give up and settle for living life as a cat lady. But just think, it took Goldilocks a few tries to find what was just right for her, and it’s no different for your love life.

One day, you’ll come across a guy who is the perfect combination of “The Nice Guy,” “The Bad Boy,” and the “Too Good to Be True.” He’s going to be the perfect guy for you- your “just right.”

So don’t stop looking, because if you do, your soulmate may slip right through the cracks.

 

BY: Nicole D’Amato

Mother Vs. Matchmaker

“Mother knows best!” is a saying that has rung through our ears since before we were born. And honestly, for most of us, the saying has probably proved true more times than once. Then there’s the BFF who stands right alongside mom in terms of knowing you and knowing (or thinking they know) what’s best for you. From the countless phone calls about the awful date you just went on or the guy who had put your heart through the ringer, to the endless nights filled with chick flicks and drooling over Ryan Gosling, your mom and your best friend think they know the ins and outs of who you should date and (even if they won’t say it out loud) deem themselves your perfect matchmaker.

Although they have your best interests at heart, letting someone close to you play matchmaker can get messy. To find drama-free, no-muss-no-fuss love, it is best to seek out a professional matchmaker.

While you may think, “What’s the point of wasting my time/money/energy on a matchmaker when I have friends and family to do it for free?” you have to realize that there are many differences between the two.


 

Difference #1: Matchmakers have a much larger network of potential partners for you than your friends and family do.

While your best friend may have the perfect guy from the office that you just have to go on a date with, that’s probably about as broad as her network of singles that she hasn’t set you up with (or at least tried).

And we all know that mom has tried multiple times to set you up with just about any cute guy that she comes across- her boss’s nephew (who she’s only ever seen one picture of), her personal trainer, or even someone she’s never met before but automatically knows will be perfect for you.

On the other hand, professional matchmaking services, like Project Soulmate, have an exceptionally larger pool of singles and potential dates that are just waiting for a chance to go out with you.


 

Difference #2: Matchmakers get to know you and what you want

As well as your mom and best friend know you, when it comes to your love life, objectifying the topic is not their strong suit. While they may think they know your Mr. Right down to a T, more often than not they miss the target by a long shot. Remember that phase you went through where you were attracted to that grungy, hipster guy that you would always see at your local café? Well your BFF still remembers that, and even though that was five years ago and that phase has long been over, when she passes that grungy, Kurt Cobain-esque guy walking through the streets of Brooklyn, he’s automatically filed in her mind as your potential soulmate.

When working with professional matchmakers, on the other hand, being objective is their strong suit. They will get to know who you are and exactly what you’re looking for in a partner at this point in your life, and use that to find you the perfect match.


 

Difference #3: No strings attached!

If you go on a first date with someone your mom or friend set you up with and have an awful time, you’re likely to sugar coat it or lie and say you had a decent time to avoid hurting their feelings or coming off as ungrateful.

While matchmakers get to know you on a personal level to find you your perfect match, your relationship is professional rather than personal so you can be 100% honest without worrying about inciting turbulence in your relationship. If your date went horribly and you don’t want to even think about seeing him again, you can openly tell them and they’ll simply look to find you a new, more successful date.

Although your mom and best friend may know the ins and outs of your life and always have your best interest in mind, when it comes to something as important as your love life, sometimes it’s better for them to step aside and lets the professionals take the reins.

 

BY: Nicole D’Amato

Dating in NYC: The Struggle of Second Guessing Yourself

In a day and age where beauty is perceived differently every day and trends go out just as quickly as they come in, it is easy to second guess ourselves, making it almost inevitable that we second guess ourselves when we are trying to find love in New York City, or anywhere for that matter. Sure, there are those confident, poised people out there who don’t have a doubt in the world about the way they approach things, but not everyone can be that self-assured.
When it comes to someone who is frequently second-guessing herself, new relationships can be a huge anxiety trigger. With a budding relationship, we feel the need to say the perfect, clever thing at the right time or wear the outfit that gives the exact vibe that we want to exude on the first date.

 
Relationships are supposed to make us nervous. We’re supposed to get the butterflies and be eager to find out what’s going to happen next. The unknowns of relationships inevitably trigger overthinking and second guessing that will drive you crazy. Just know that in the grand scheme of things, what you’re obsessing over is likely a much smaller deal than you think, and being comfortable being yourself will save you loads of unnecessary stress and bring you closer to finding love in New York City.

 
For example, in today’s fast-paced, tech-oriented world, a new relationship is likely to be filled with casual back-and-forth texting. While texting is a good way to keep in touch throughout a busy day, its lack of intonation can lead to miscommunication. Those of us who second guess ourselves may think that responding too quickly may seem desperate, or that we have to concoct the perfect response to avoid being looked at as crazy/weird/rude/etc. In reality, if this relationship has a future, you (and your significant other) aren’t going to worry about how responding immediately is going to come off, and the witty joke you want to make will be something that make your significant other smile throughout his/her mundane day.

 
We also tend to second guess ourselves when deciding how to present ourselves. Let’s say your best friend decides to play matchmaker and sets you up with a new guy. You panic the night of the date and swear (like you have a thousand other times) that you have NOTHING to wear that will make the right impression. Sure, first dates, especially when you’ve never met the guy, tend to be nerve racking. But just think- if you do hit it off and spark a romance, sooner rather than later it will not make a difference to him whether he sees you in a little black dress with sky high heels or your favorite jeans and go-to top on your night out, he’ll just be looking forward to seeing you. Not to say you shouldn’t want to get dolled up for him, but the sooner you’re comfortable in your own skin around him, the sooner he’ll be comfortable with the real you.

 
We need to take a step back and realize that it’s okay not be perfect. To not always say the perfect thing at the perfect time and to not always be flawless. Perfect gets boring, but being yourself creates a dynamic aspect in your relationship that is likely to keep the ball rolling and, if all goes well, lead to something great.

 

BY: Nicole D’Amato

Thinking of Giving an Ultimatum? Think Again.

According to Beyoncé’s Single Ladies hit, “if you like it then you should have put a ring on it”- and she is right.
Waiting for your long-term partner to give an imminent proposal can be unbearable. No matter how many obvious hints that you may drop; if your relationship status remains at a standstill, the idea of speeding up the proposal process with an ultimatum or deadline probably seems like the most efficient option. However, the risk of forcing the love of your life into choosing all-or-nothing – when it comes to your relationship – instigates the dangers of scaring them away or coercing them into propose before they are ready to fully commit.
It is no secret that men are skittish when it comes to “till’ death do us part,” so when it comes to talking about marriage, you may have to take the reins. Instead of shoving marriage down your partner’s throat, clear the air with an open discussion about marriage. Open communication is key to any relationship, so arranging a conversation with your partner about marriage is a healthy, efficient alternative to an ultimatum that will allow you both to better express your individual opinions. Once you have The Talk, it is up to your partner to decide whether they want to propose or not and then, it is up to you to decide whether you are able to wait or move on. When it comes to making these life-changing decisions, it is important to follow your heart, but remember to always remain true to yourself and fulfilling the goals that you strive to achieve.

BY: SAMANTHA COHEN

Age differences in dating and relationships – how many years is too many years?

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It is a tale as old as time, older men and female cougars on the hunt for a much younger partner. Mrs. Robinson did it, Donald trump did it, even Demi Moore did it. But how many years difference is too many years? And what are the pros and cons to a large age difference? One of our Project Soulmate matchmakers, Lori, and our intern, Nick, weigh in on this topic and the effects that age differences may have on a relationship.

Lori: Age gaps can absolutely work as long as two people look age appropriate. Members of my own family are in relationships with age gaps of over a decade long and they are very happy. With that said, if people are questioning whether or not the man on your arm is your father or grandfather, then you have a problem. The main problem with an age gap though is the generation gap that it can create. In this case interests and knowledge are different and many commonalities that bring people close together are lost.

Nick: When beginning a relationship, one of the most frequently asked questions by peers and family is, “How old are they?” From personal experience, I have realized that if you are young and want to date older, you must be realistic AND honest with yourself. Youth in age may not be youth in experience. If you are an old soul, it isn’t a bad idea to date older. And if you are a young soul then you may be inclined to date younger which can keep you on your toes…

Personally, I have always been more interested in older men. The one serious relationship I had with someone my age was a disaster because my partner was incredibly immature and showed a lack of good judgment. This relationship taught me a lot about what I wanted in my next relationship; I needed someone older and way more mature. Say you are 22 years old and meet someone who is 28 but get along extremely well and have amazing chemistry. Even if you continue to hangout and develop well, there might be some insecurities that come along with dating someone older which could get in the way. A six-year difference can mean you are both in different spots in your life. At 22 you can still be figuring yourself out and it can be a serious step to jump into a relationship with someone who has 6 years of experience on you. But, there are many positives as well with someone older. Usually if you are doing this, you know what you are looking for and are attracted to maturity and someone who is successful. Chemistry comes in many different waves and if you have it with someone age really doesn’t matter in my opinion, as long as you are older than 21.

 

by Jenni Jacobs

 

 

 

 

image found at: bornrich.com

The Texting Game: Changing the Way We go about Relationships?

 

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Everyone who regularly uses their phone knows what I’m talking about. The simple medium that used to be used for basic things like meeting up or notifying someone of your whereabouts has turned into a whole new system we’re left trying to decode: The Texting Game.

Just like all the other mediums that have come along and developed into communication powerhouses, I don’t think many people envisioned what texting would turn into. Mediums of communication are unpredictable. If something like Facebook chat/messenger had come along sooner, texting could have remained  basic and simple. Instead, it has become another thing we have to decode and analyze, especially when it comes to dating. The younger generations are seeing the effects the strongest, because they have grown up texting in an increasingly mobile phone-dependent world.

The thing that complicates texting so much is that everyone has their own personal style.  I’d like to think the majority of people text the way they would speak to you in person, but if not, that makes it even trickier to tell how they’re coming off. The major issue I’ve witnessed that leads to miscommunication is the lack of tone and expression in a line of a text. Based on punctuation, one can get a sense of what someone means by what they’re typing. But then you have to take into consideration that some people text a lot more informally than they would speak and use major abbrevs (abbrevations) and less punctuation.

There’s no one formula that will guarantee successful communication and deliverance of the message you want to send in the texting world. And then there are emoticons- whole new playing field. Too much can be overwhelming, but those cold , grammar-police, scholastic style texters (you know who I’m talking about…every word that should be capitalized, is. All the punctuation is precise. Commas set off the appropriate clauses. And you’re left feeling like you’re talking to a 60 year old English professor) can come off cold as well. Use emoticons sparingly, in a playful and timely manner. A smiley, or worse, winky, face in every text to someone you’re interested in can come off a little overwhelming and overeager.

Throwing it back to the “old days” with actual letters when one of you is away, or notes on special occasions like anniversaries and birthdays is another form of communication and allows for more expression. Even a note for no reason at all telling your significant other you hope they have a good day or a drawing of an inside joke can brighten their day and let them know you’re thinking of them. While it’s similar to texting in that you can’t tell the exact tone, it’s a more expression-based, romantic form that has lasted through the ages. It doesn’t give you the minute-to-minute satisfaction and response time that texting does, and I think there’s value in that. We’ve become so accustomed to instant gratification, it’s refreshing to slow the pace down a bit and create some anticipation in a relationship setting.

What I’m trying to get at, and don’t get me wrong I text just as much as the next person, is that nothing beats verbal, interpersonal contact. In a mobile dependent society, we often times use our phone as a crutch for communication. But with texting someone can just stop responding out of the blue. It’s a good way to bridge the gap between actually seeing someone you’re dating, and it can be really fun if you find one of the non- boring, dynamic texters, but nothing is the same as speaking on the phone or talking to someone in person. With texting, no matter how many tips you get on etiquette or how much decoding you do of the way things should be taken, it really is just a personal judgment call you’ll have to make based off of how the conversation flows. There’s nothing wrong with running it by others too to see how they would read the way something was said. Obviously avoid an overload of information or coming off too cold, and adjust the conversation with the way the back and forth carries on.

All in all, stick to what you’re comfortable with. If you like texting, find someone who you enjoy texting and combine that with valuable verbal communication. If you’re not the biggest texter, tell that to the people you’re dating. If they’re worth it they’ll have no problem with that. It all comes down to the way you most like to communicate, but don’t leave it just to the screens to do all the work. The good ol’ flat out talking to and seeing each other is invaluable.

by Kayleigh Hentges

 

 

 

 

 

 

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