I’ve never liked the word boyfriend. In other languages, for instance, Spanish, your special someone would be referred to as novio (“boyfriend’) rather than amigo varón (male friend). This clear distinction denotes a romantic relationship as more serious than your typical friendship. Don’t misunderstand me, it’s great to think of your mister as your friend. Without friendship, no romantic relationship can persevere. The real problem with the word is that it begins with boy. No professional woman should be dealing with a dependent boyfriend. Is it safe to assume that what begins with a boy will end with a man?
It starts off with the family.
If you are dating, seeing, sleeping with a “boy” you’ll know it. He’s an adult child. He looks the part of a man but inside all you get is a pubescent boy who forgets all of his responsibilities. He feels that you should cook the meals and clean the way his momma does. His mom did all of this things because she loved him so shouldn’t you do the same?
In some cultures, mothers baby their sons because… Well because they were raised that way. The girls are all in the kitchen while the boys are watching a sporting event on television. The wives are the last the enjoy the meal because they have to serve the plates for their husbands and all of their children.
This worked when women did not work. If both parts of the couple equally contribute to the finances of the house than both should equally work to maintain the household. High-end matchmaking company, Project Soulmate says relationships should be 50/50; if she cooks, he should clean the dishes.
It continues with you.
So you’ve started getting serious with this man-boy. It started off very casual. First, he asked you to call him to wake him up for work. You replaced his alarm clock but you love hearing his sleepy voice so you didn’t mind at first. Then randomly asks you to do his laundry and you do it anyways because he’s so friggin cute! Before you know it you’re the wife of a ‘boysband’ because never learned how to say no.
The bad habits he learned at home do not have to continue into your relationship. ‘Adulting’ isn’t easy or fun but we do it because we have no other choice. If he won’t do a chore because he doesn’t know how to, then you should encourage him to learn. Professional matchmaker Jenn Zucher recommends taking cooking lessons with your man and assigning a day in the week where he will be responsible for cooking. If he’s lazy, persuade him with a prize at the end. Children need to be bribed with candy so there’s no surprise that a boyfriend might need some motivation as well.
Just because we are nurturing beings doesn’t mean we should let someone take advantage of us.
It ends with him.
You can’t wave a magic wand and turn a boy into a man. As an adult, he has to make the decision to grow up on his own. It’s all about compromise. A man who is your true millionaire match will want to alleviate your stress even if it means doing something he doesn’t particularly like. The only thing we can do as women is to teach our future children to provide for themselves so they won’t have to rely on anyone.
It’s one thing to help a man pick out an outfit and it’s another thing to organize his entire closet. Guide your man, don’t be his guardian.
Written by Christina Madera