Building intimacy comes easy at the beginning of any relationship as you constantly learn and discover new aspects about your partner. Although intimacy is important in any relationship, the truth can’t always be said when you are married. The newness has worn off, and you begin to know this person like the back of your hand. Even though this is positive, a marriage needs intimacy to survive.

If you are struggling to strengthen the intimacy with your spouse or feel as though it has been lost, then read on for tips to help you feel reconnected:

Don’t Just Think Sex Means Intimacy

More often than not, we associate intimacy with sex; however, sex itself doesn’t always require intimacy. So, separating and understanding the difference between physical and emotional intimacy is crucial. Emotional intimacy centers around feeling emotionally connected and supported by your partner, so when you feel valued emotionally, you create a deeper sense of security that translates into the bedroom. Spend time talking to your parents about your needs and leave any judgment at the door. To rekindle intimacy, you must speak about your needs and allow your partner to do the same.

Focus On Communication

Let’s start with the basics of any relationship: communication. Now, you might think you spend enough time talking to your spouse throughout your day. However, discussing chores or what to get at the supermarket doesn’t always lead to open and honest communication. Practicing effective communication is a great way to strengthen the bond and leads to a better understanding between the two. So, find time to spend together and be intentional with that time.

Understand that you do not need to set aside hours to talk to your spouse, but give each other at least 45 minutes to catch up and talk about your day. Try your best to limit outside distractions, whether getting a babysitter or simply putting your phones away to focus on each other. If you’re frustrated, use that time to discuss, but remember your spouse is not a mind reader. Communicate emotions constructively, so leave your ego at the door.

Remember To Flirt

Settling into a marriage or relationship doesn’t mean you should forget about the spark that first attracted you to your partner. So, things like compliments or flirting should never come to an end. Flirting is an easy way to remind your partner of the value they hold to you while showing them how attracted you are to them! Now, you don’t have to bombard them with PDA, but find simple ways to let them know you love them. Sending a daily I miss you text, holding hands, or even the occasional butt grab might seem silly, but it can release feel-good hormones that can result in a happier relationship. Playful flirting helps rekindle the sexual spark you might have forgotten and gives you the confidence to do something about it.

Plan More Dates

Who doesn’t love a good date night?! Dinner and a movie or a romantic picnic, there are so many ways you can take a boring Thursday night and turn it into a romantic date. However, they often fall to the wayside because of work, family, and other external factors. If you can’t recall the last time you and your spouse took some time away and went on a date, then there’s no better time than the present.

Now,, if your schedules don’t allow for weekly date nights, try having a morning date! Going for a coffee and a walk might not sound as impressive as a candlelit dinner, but for many people, the effort means more than the actual gesture. Even going on bi-monthly dates can keep your relationship on track. To keep things interesting, try different fun and creative date ideas. Who knows? You may even discover a new hobby that you both love! Date nights are proven to strengthen intimacy and communication and remind each other why you love spending time together.

But First Foreplay

Before we can have good sex, you have to have good foreplay. To strengthen intimacy in your relationship, you must feel safe and secure, and spending time on foreplay does just that. Foreplay builds emotional intimacy as it helps prepare your body and mind for sex. Foreplay doesn’t have to be overly complicated. Spending more time kissing, cuddling, and even talking is foreplay; for many, it is all that is needed to feel stimulated. The main focus of foreplay is to build a better emotional connection while also breaking the monotony in the bedroom. If you’re stuck on what to try, then suggest a sexy message or take a bath together. Ask your partner what they need to feel good and keep an open discussion. Talk about your needs and remind them it’s a judgment-free zone.

Have Good Sex

Sounds simple enough, but having good sex is often easier said than done. If you’re not having sex regularly, talk to your spouse about why that is. Is it a timing issue, or does it have to do with any anxiety related to the bedroom? Sexual dysfunctions, like erectile dysfunction or vaginal atrophy, can trigger adults who still want to be sexually active but struggle to shake the shame that comes with it. Seeking medications or treatment options, like sildenafil for ED or pelvic floor physical therapy, might be daunting at first but can be life-changing for those wanting to feel in control of their sex life.

Good sex doesn’t mean you have to get it on every day. What it boils down to is how you feel afterward. Do you feel more connected to your partner? Do you feel good expressing your needs while also feeling heard and excited? Having a healthy sex life requires you to present and enjoy your partner, but that’s not going to happen if you’re focused on your anxiety or self-doubt.

Break Away From Routine

With life’s everyday stressors and routine, shaking up your daily schedule can seem like a hassle more than a positive. In relationships, we tend to create habits and patterns that help us get through the day, and although sticking to your routine might keep your head on straight, it can affect your relationship. For example, if you find that your spouse has become more of a roommate, it may be time to reevaluate your routine. Things get stale, and it’s ok to admit when we need to embrace some change and break away from the usual.

Take a beat in your day. Instead of focusing on what you need to get done and what’s next, take a moment to embrace your partner first thing in the morning. Start your day with a kiss or hug. It will increase intimacy by boosting the feeling of closeness and security. If you tend to only eat out on Fridays, shake it up with a spontaneous dinner date on Monday. Routines are great, but they don’t need to ruin the spark in your marriage.

Deal With Any Issues Blocking Intimacy

To strengthen intimacy, you first must address the areas your relationship struggles with the most. For example, do you often have no time for each other due to work and family? Or do you find that the issues lay in the bedroom? Uncovering these issues will give you both a better understanding of how to better come together. However, be cautious that some issues are harder to discuss than others.

If you find that you and your partner are often bickering or in constant disagreement and can’t come to any resolution, then it might be time to talk to a counselor. Speaking to a counselor or a professional that specializes in relationships can assist you both in finding a solution or setting boundaries. Often we just need an outside voice to help make sense of the issues within the relationship.

All relationships are different, and listening to what your partner and you need to grow is crucial. Strengthening intimacy within the relationship is doable if you both come in with an open mind and heart.


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