Online Dating Genius: The Impossible Checklist

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We all know an impossible checklist person. You click on their online dating profile and instead of beginning with a casual introduction, they bombard you with their list of deal-breakers.

  • Can’t have too many tattoos
  • MUST love dogs
  • Part Zebra
  • 6 feet tall (no exceptions)
  • Needs to know how to pronounce ‘worcestershire’

You see what I’m getting at here.

These kind of people are annoying for many reasons. I could write a list about it but I would hate to be put in the same category as a listomaniac.

Compulsive list makers are successful in the workforce and in the grocery aisle. However, lists are inadequate in dating, especially in the online dating department. The problem is that you just can’t plan out love online like you plan out a To-Do list.

In essence, having an idea of core qualities you would like in a partner is not a terrible thing. For instance, everyone can agree they’re looking for someone funny, smart, and attractive. Three key qualities – just three – and yet with 7 billion people in the world it is still difficult to even find someone who embodies this trinity of characteristics, especially while dating online. Add any more qualities to this list and you’ll have better luck finding Waldo.

Having overly specific “wants” can be equally as bad as having a long list of requirements. Take this list of core qualities for example. If you’re looking for someone funny but with a dry sense of humor, someone smart but who graduated from an Ivy League university, and an attractive face but with a side of six pack abs… Your only option left is James Franco and he is clearly not on match.com! As your lists become longer and more precise, your list of potential online dates shrinks. This is because as you’re being particular about hair color, occupation and music taste, you’re losing many chances to meet great people who just don’t fully meet your impossible idea of “perfect”.  

Is your list even for yourself? You rarely know what to order at a restaurant, yet you know exactly what you want in a partner? Try again. If you’re creating this list in hopes of finding someone to impress your parents or to one-up your ex, remember it’s you who is going to end up unhappy and deprived of love.

Bravo matchmaker Jennifer Zucher knows that lists are impractical and promote unrealistic expectations. “Your friends have qualities you like and qualities you dislike, yet you still work great together. Why? Because you enjoy the moments you spend with each other and you don’t dwell on your differences. Honestly, what if your millionaire match is a cat person instead of a dog lover? Is that fraction of their personality enough to disqualify them entirely? You are the reason you’re single. If you’re looking for someone who is 100 percent your perfect match, date yourself! No one on this planet is perfect and if you want a one of a kind love you need to let go of the list and let love lead.”

Written by Christina Madera

Christina Madera is our hilariously bright Business and Communications Intern.

Did you know that Project Soulmate offers professional photo coaching and other management services for your online dating accounts?

Jane Rudes is a Communication Consultant and our Online Division Director at Project Soulmate. Jane is happy to speak with any interested, prospective clients about our online dating services and answer questions about online profiles or other common online dating woes.

Click here for more info!  Or Contact Us and ask!

Find more genius advice by checking out some of our other Online Dating Genius posts like:  

The Height Exaggeration, The Offspring Pic, The Hot Chick In Your Pic, or The Not Your Baby Pic

Find more good stuff here: Twitter: @projectsoulmate   Facebook: Like us!   Pinterest:  Project Soulmate

 

online dating photos

Online Dating Genius: The Group Picture

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Let’s talk about this important DON’T in online dating: pictures with friends

I call these type of people beauty blenders. They love being in group pictures because it’s kind of like choir; you can’t really tell who has the terrible voice when there are so many harmonizing. Their online profiles are filled with pictures of with friends, family, and coworkers. You can’t even really see what he or she looks like because most of the pictures are dark, blurry, and crowded. Capital NO

We get it: you may be shy – too shy – to ask someone to take a picture of you or maybe you just look your best when you’re just a floating head behind your biff’s shoulders. Whatever your excuse is; this is a huge mistake for online dating.

For starters, it’s so confusing. You are one of 5 girls in the picture all with brown hair and a drink in your hand. You are making it a guessing game for anyone viewing your profile, which is bothersome to most. If you truly love the way you look in the picture, crop everyone out or add a comment that pinpoints exactly which brunette you are. The focus should be on you, not your posse.

Second, do your friends even know that they’re on a dating website? Not everyone is open to the idea of their image spreading throughout the internet. Not only is it creepy, it’s also highly inappropriate (especially if it’s a drunk selfie).

Lastly, it’s deceiving. You may have taken “if you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends,” too seriously. The spice girls were all jaw droppingly gorgeous movie stars (not saying that you’re not pretty in pink as well) but, what if the person behind the computer screen is actually falling for your friend instead of you? Is this part of your master plan?

Dating scams are never the way to go. Eventually, the person will figure out that you’re not who you claim to be. Be honest and you will find people who truly want to date you for you.

One – maybe two – group pictures with friends is acceptable. It paints a picture of a social butterfly who is likeable and fun. But once you pass a third – strike, you’re out. Bottom line is many people are already hesitant about dating online because of the lack of face to face. So in order to ease their search, you need to show your face! Group photos are a concrete example of poor online dating etiquette.

Written by Christina Madera

Christina Madera is our hilariously bright Business and Communications Intern.

 

Find more genius advice by checking out some of our other Online Dating Genius posts like:  

The Height Exaggeration, The Offspring Pic, The Hot Chick In Your Pic, or The Not Your Baby Pic

Did you know that Project Soulmate offers professional photo coaching and other management services for your online dating accounts?

Click here for more info!  Or Contact Us and ask!

Jane Rudes is a Communication Consultant and our Online Division Director at Project Soulmate. Jane is happy to speak with any interested, prospective clients about our online services and answer questions about your online profile or other common online dating woes.

 

Find more good stuff here: Twitter: @projectsoulmate   Facebook: Like us!   Pinterest:  Project Soulmate

When It’s Time To Call It Quits

Dating is fun but it can also be a lot of hard work. Here are a few signs that expert matchmakers will tell you indicate it may be time for a break-up.

 

  1. You’re not excited to see them- If you’re more excited about your dentist appointment than you are about a date with someone you’ve been seeing, that’s a major problem. No matter how long you’ve been together you should still get excited at the thought of seeing each other even if it’s just a quick drink after work.
  2. You make excuses to avoid seeing them- If the couch is more appealing than the person you’re dating: dump them. Again, you should be excited about seeing them, not looking for excuses to avoid them. Avoidance is break-up territory 
  3. You fight more than you talk- Arguing is healthy in any relationship but if it feels like you spend most of your time arguing it may be time to reconsider.
  4. The little quirks you used to find cute are now their most obnoxious personality traits- This may seem like an obvious one but if you just can not stand the little things anymore, they will grow into big things leading to the eventual break-up. Don’t let negative feelings grow and get ugly.
  5. You don’t hate them but you just don’t love them- If the feelings aren’t there, don’t prolong the inevitable. You deserve better than someone who is just ok. There are plenty of other people looking for love in NYC, try your luck with someone else. Don’t stay in a relationship waiting for love to happen. Go out and make it happen!

 

Dating and finding love in NYC isn’t easy but don’t let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game! Get out of your bad relationship and find a great one. After all, spring is a great time for a fresh start.  

Online Dating Genius: The Age Liar

Online Dating Genius: The Age Liar

Online Dating Genius: The Age Liar

So let’s talk about our next greatest pet peeve on online dating websites:

Lying About Your Age.

We get it: you’ve gotten older, you’re single, and you have those great pics from last decade and they’re so much better than that one from last weekend.  So what’s your solution? To get on a dating website, lie about your age, and post old pictures of yourself to snag the matches you really want. Who wouldn’t love a 32 year-old with the relationship wisdom, maturity and experience of a 44 year-old anyway? Problem is though, now you’re kind of a big, fat, liar too…

The question is – what’s your plan? You find a special someone you’re really interested in online, the conversations begin to flow really well, and then they want to meet you in person…remember? Do you end up telling the truth or do you just cut out, and move on to the next match, trapping yourself in an eternal online dating black hole? Either option will not bring you any closer to your goal of finding that special someone who loves you for you. Isn’t that why you decided to date online in the first place?

If you decide to tell the truth before you meet, you have created a very sour taste in the mouth of your potential true love – before your first official impression. “If they lied about this, what else could they be lying about??” Even if they give you the chance…they will be so focused on your looks for your age that it would take a miracle for you feel comfortable enough to be redeeming.  If you decide to tell the truth (or never tell the truth) much farther down the road…all we can say is good luck to you.

Suggestion: Try being real from the start (Those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind, right?) and then invest in some high-quality, professional  online dating photos. (No, it does not look like you are trying too hard and yes, it has proven to work extremely well.)  If you are finally taking the plunge into the online dating world, be honest.  Be honest with yourself and with those on the site. No one wants their time or money wasted, and no one wants their preferences disregarded. Do you?

Unfortunately, you’ll never find that special someone if you are lying from the start about your age and misleading about the way you currently look. Besides, if you looked that great at 32, you probably look fantastic at 44! Embrace who you are and learn the ways to present a package that people can’t refuse. Confidence is the sexiest reported characteristic in dating. If someone doesn’t like you for your age, then you shouldn’t like them for their opinions.

So, if you’re still thinking about going old school in your profile, think about how annoyed you’d feel if you thought you were going on a date with one of these two:

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And one of these two showed up…
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(Meanwhile, some other people would thrilled to land of date with one of these two and now you’ve wasted everyone’s time. Anyway, they’re both taken.)

If you want to know which profile photos to use, or the best way to highlight great qualities about yourself in your online profile, call Project Soulmate’s online dating experts for answers.

Project Soulmate can make your online dating profile stand out from the crowd. Our profile writing, photography, communication coaching, and account management services can actually make this whole “finding the love of my life online” thing fun! Our professional matchmakers are always available and willing to help, just Click here for more info!  Or Contact Us and ask away!

Check out these Online Dating Genius previous posts: The Offspring Pic, The Bathroom Selfie, The Height Exaggeration, and The Hot Chick In Your Pic.

Find more good stuff here: Twitter: @projectsoulmate   Facebook: Like us!   Pinterest:  Project Soulmate

Emily Stovall

Emily Stovall is our powerhouse Marketing and Business Management Intern.

Jane Rudes is a Communication Consultant and the Online Division Director at Project Soulmate.

We are happy to answer questions for interested, prospective online clients regarding common online dating woes and what we can do for you and your online dating accounts.

“Date ‘Em Till You Hate ‘Em” And Other Actually Good Dating Tips You Hate

Everyone has that one aunt—or cousin, or mother’s friend, or friend’s mother, or nosy married acquaintance—who thinks a few dating tips makes them a relationship expert. That one person who is brimming with annoying platitudes and trite dating tips that don’t seem to be relevant to dating today, let alone dating in NYC. Here are some terrible pieces of advice I’ve gotten (some of which rhyme!) and why they aren’t actually that bad.

Don’t Say No Just Go

This dating tip is one I’ve always struggled with because sometimes you just know when you don’t like someone and not everyone who sets you up is going to be an expert matchmaker with perfect taste. But the truth is that you never know someone until you spend a few hours with them one on one. You need to give everyone (with in reason) a chance if you want to find love in NYC.

Date ‘Em Till You Hate Em

You hear this one and ask yourself, shouldn’t you keep dating them because you like them not because you don’t hate them? It’s perfectly fine to be unsure of your feelings when first dating someone but, until you feel one way or the other about them it’s worth it to follow this dating tip and keep giving them a shot. You never know who may grow on you.

You Need To Go Out

Being single and being told to go out and “be seen” is by far one of the most irritating dating tips. Unless you’re working with a top matchmaker, you know you need to go out, how else are you going to meet people? But sometimes all of those people pretending to be relationship experts telling you how to live your life gets frustrating. You know what you need to do to meet people and that is: go out! You may not want to hear it or feel like it’s obvious but, sometimes the most obvious relationship advice is the best advice.

Just Have Fun!

Easier said than done right? Wrong, your bad attitude helps no one. When you’re dating, it’s important to remember this dating tip because the person across from you is in the same position as you: awkwardly trying to make conversation in the hopes of finding something more. The more you enjoy yourself, the more they will enjoy the date and the better the outlook will be for finding love in NYC.

 

Written By Joyce Cohen

Online Dating Genius: Cool Vacay, But I Don't Care

Online Dating Genius: The Travel Pics

Welcome to #6 of Online Dating Genius: A blog series brought to you by the online dating experts at your favorite NYC Matchmaking Service, Project Soulmate! Each post we will reveal another “do-not” in the world of online dating.

As usual, if you online date, you will relate!

Online Dating Genius: Cool Vacay, But I Don't Care

So, what is on the agenda this week? Hopefully not uploading too many pictures from your vacation to your online dating profile.

Picture this: the girl of your dreams has just gone through about 20 different online dating profiles, and after reading what each had to say about themselves (yes guys, females actually read every word), 8 stick out most and you made the cut! Problem is, on paper all 8 of you seem pretty similar because you each fit the criteria she entered into the search bar. Now she has to determine who she really wants to meet. How will she go about doing that? The same way you make that decision, from the photos! Luckily you have already passed the hard part – a really well written profile – but will she find you attractive enough? Will your pics make or break her decision?  Here is where your one-too-many vacation pics become a huge problem for your online dating profile.

Sure we all think your 30 day excursion to Hong Kong was awesome, you seem very worldly and fun to be with and we’re all really jealous, but (1) stop rubbing it in, and (2) did we really need 20 pics of your trip while we still barely know what your face looks like?! Are you offering Hong Kong itself? You can see the problem here. The tiebreaker between Other Guy and You has just been broken and you lost. Girl Of Your Dreams could not figure out what you look like and to make matters worse, now she thinks you are weird for posting all those random pics.

We’re not saying cut them out completely; sometimes they give your dating profile a little character and can set you apart. Just limit them to maybe one or two and ideally, you are in them. If not, include a caption about why that moment stood out to you. Show her who you are.  Either way, you must have a variety of good pics of yourself in the mix.

In the future, try to keep in mind that this is a dating website and not a social media website or Trip Advisor. People are looking for a potential date and often for the love of their life, not a travel agent. Why not show off all of your favorite vacation pictures after you and your new date get a little closer? Impress her by “friending” her on Facebook where she can look at your travel pics all she wants!

Don’t let these common mistakes discourage you, though. We know how tough online dating is, but there are so many other strategies that actually work in your favor. Covering your profile with vacation pictures is simply not one of them.

Project Soulmate is able to offer you helpful tips to make your online dating profile stand out from the crowd, and through our assistance with profile writing, photography, coaching, and account management services we make this whole “finding the love of my life” thing a piece of cake. Our professional matchmakers are always available and willing to help, just Click here for more info!  Or Contact Us and ask!

Check out these Online Dating Genius previous posts: The Offspring Pic, The Bathroom Selfie, The Height Exaggeration, and The Hot Chick In Your Pic.

Find more good stuff here: Twitter: @projectsoulmate   Facebook: Like us!   Pinterest:  Project Soulmate

Emily Stovall

Emily Stovall is our powerhouse Marketing and Business Management Intern.

Jane Rudes is a Communication Consultant and the Online Division Director at Project Soulmate. She is happy to answer questions for interested and prospective online clients regarding common online dating woes and what we can do for your online accounts.  

Valentine’s Day: Avoiding the Single Girl Blues

Our faaaavorite holiday is just around the corner and we can’t wait to gush all about it. Yep you guessed it, it’s Valentine’s Day! A day for love and laughter for those annoyingly cute, perfect couples, and a day for tears and chocolate for those hopeless romantics that just can’t seem to find a match. Well stop. This article isn’t for the already happily made couples with their reservations for dinner already booked; this is for the singles out there looking for love in New York City who wish they could just skip that dreaded date of February 14th. To you singles, I’m here to tell you: It’s not all its cracked up to be, but since I know it sucks anyways, here are some tips to get you through the day.

First and foremost, get your butt on over to the professional matchmakers at Project Soulmate. Get all of those foolish stereotypes you have about online dating out of your mind and sign up. Sure you’re basically hiring someone to help you find a match, but who cares?? You’ll honestly probably find a match faster with these love experts that turns out to be 10 times better than the guy your best friend has been dating for 4 months now. Why? Because they are professional matchmakers. Because they know exactly what you are looking for and exactly how to find it for you. And because they are not only looking for your best interest, but everyone’s best interest. This means they are not going to hook you up with a guy/girl just because he fits your description, but Project Soulmate makes sure you fit his description too. They have the recipe for success and you just need to bite the bullet and get on board!

girls night outTip two, is live it up! Find your best single friends and hit the town. Make a reservation at the hottest NYC restaurant, just like a date, but go with 3 or 4 of your closest friends. Dress up, drink a little bit, bring each person a cheap Valentine’s Day card, and enjoy your night. Sometimes the best way to get through this dreadful holiday is by simply participating in the festivities! Just remember, in second grade no none had a valentine, but everyone loved valentine’s day because it meant you got cute cards, lots of candy, and hung out with friends… there’s no reason it should be any different now!

If you’re someone who prefers to be alone, though, then so be it! Tip three is to go buy a pint of ice cream or maybe your movie nightfavorite little cupcakes, and sob at romantic movies all night. A little ice cream and tears can sometimes be the best medicine. My personal favorite romances to check out are “The Notebook,” “The Fault in Our Stars,” and “The Theory of Everything.” On the other hand though I definitely recommend you throw in some romcom’s in the mix to have a giggle every now and then. In that case, “Bridesmaids” and “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” are my ultimate go-to’s.

Whatever you decide, just don’t forget to enjoy yourself and to never ever give up on love in NYC. Love will come your way when the time is right!

 

Emily Stovall

30 is the New 20

By: Nicole Hartley

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There is a recent a buzz about how 30 is the new 20, but top psychologists say this is far from the truth. Twenty-somethings are putting off career and relationship decisions based on the belief that they have “downtime” before “real life” begins.

If you’re in your twenties and think that you have all the time in the world to start investing in your future, you’re wrong. Meg Jay, a clinical psychologist gave a TED talk about the false notion that twenty-somethings think they have all the time in the world to figure out their careers and their love lives. “Claiming your twenties is one of the simplest yet most transformative things you can do for work, for love, for your happiness, maybe even for the world,” says Jay.

In her talk, she calls the decade of your twenties “The Developmental Sweet-spot.” People in their twenties are often poorly influenced to believe that this period of life is an extended adolescence meant for living their life to the fullest by doing what they want while they still can. However, Meg Jay accurately points out how living your life to the fullest should include investing in your future NOW rather than later.

In her TED Talk, she says that the brain’s second and final growth spurt occurs in a person’s twenties, so if there is something you want to change about yourself, now is the time to do it. One of Jay’s 20-something patients share that she was dating a guy that she knew was a bad match for her. Jay questions the patient on why she would date a guy she doesn’t see a future with. Sadly, most twenty-somethings waste their time on relationships that have no future because they are waiting until their thirties to settle down with “The One.” Meg Jay says that this is a serious problem because when people do this, they often end up settling for someone out of convenience when they hit that 30 mark because it’s “time” to get married. “The best time to start working on your marriage is before you have one,” says Jay. “And that means being as intentional with love as you are with work.”

The bottom line is do not wait to start thinking about your future and building towards the life you ultimately want to achieve. Second best shouldn’t be your final destination in your career or your love life. Take charge and take initiative, go get the life you want NOW because time is working against you and it’s time for you to start pushing back.

here’s the link to the TED Talk:

 

Online Dating Genius

Online Dating Genius: The Hot Chick In Your Pic

Welcome to #3 of Online Dating Genius: A blog series brought to you by the online dating experts at your favorite NYC Matchmaking Service, Project Soulmate! Each week we will reveal another “do-not” in online dating.

If you online date, you will relate.

Online Dating

You’re better off without her.

How exactly does this chick help your online dating success? Did you think that women will find you more attractive because you have a female friend / sister / x-girlfriend that is a 10? Or is this your way of saying “women less hot than this chick need not apply”?

Whatever your reason, it does not work out in your favor. Most women rate male online profiles containing photos of themselves with other women as less appealing because they assume he is hooked on his X, a player (especially when it’s you and a group of chicks), an “in the friend zone” type of guy, or undesirable to these other women in your photo for some good reason. Your pics with chicks are pointless. If you look that good in it, crop everyone else out. In fact, data has shown that online profiles using photos that include any friends or family get less clicks, messages and replies than those using only solo pics.

If you want women to find your online dating profile more desireable, use a photo where you’re looking away from the camera – maybe a candid of you playing a sport or an instrument, one when you are dressed up but not posing, for example; speaking at an important event. It’s that suit and tie or even just that in-command appearance that does it for women online. The idea (not necessarily the image) that others are listening to you, viewing you as leader or even just a guy that can do something really well – is what makes women tick and then click.

Leave room for her to imagine – particularly imagine herself with you.   Bottom line guys – chicks in your pics are a do-not.

Project Soulmate can help you decide on the best photos.  We also offer professional online dating profile writing, photography, and expert matchmaking services for your online dating accounts. Click here for more info!  Or Contact Us and ask!

Coming soon…Age Fibbing…and more! Stay tuned each week!

Find more good stuff here:

Twitter: @projectsoulmate   Facebook: Like us!   Pinterest:  Project Soulmate

Check out these Online Dating Genius previous posts: The Bathroom Selfie, The Height ExaggerationThe Offspring Pic, and and The Not Your Baby Pic.

Jane Rudes is a Communication Consultant as well as the Online Division Director at Project Soulmate. Jane is happy to speak with interested prospective online clients about their online profile and other common online dating woes. 

 

Online Dating Genius

Online Dating Genius: Height Exaggeration

Welcome to #2 of Online Dating Genius: A new blog series brought to you by the online dating experts at your favorite NYC Matchmaking Service, Project Soulmate! Each week we will reveal another “do-not” in online dating. If you online date, you will relate.

Own Your Mini-me-ness

Own Your Mini-me-ness

What’s the plan fellas? If your strategy is “just get her to meet me, then she’ll see how charming and funny I am, despite my height” all she will see is the way you handle your insecurities: with deception. This makes you much less attractive than if you were to actually be upfront about your height in a charming and funny way via your online profile.  

Pushing a maximum of one inch in your online dating profile might work. However, anything easily noticeable in person will be a waste of your (and their) future dating time.   Most women – and more importantly – women worth dating, would choose honesty over height.  

Being on the front lines of online dating with our clients, us matchmaking experts know how hard it is for guys listed at under 5’10” to get the most clicks.  Good news is that a majority of women online are willing to give you a chance despite feeling initially ambivalent about your online profile attractiveness – unlike men who mostly won’t engage online unless they feel highly attracted to a woman’s pics.  Data shows that women decide how attractive you are after meeting in person for at least 15 minutes . Hence, your personality plays the outweighing factor when she’s on the fence.

Own it guys.  If you put a taller height to appear in more online dating searches, then say something funny and honest about it in your summary to hitch her.  Humor and self-confidence are the keys to a woman’s heart.  Bottom line guys…height deception is a do-not.

Did you know that Project Soulmate offers professional photo coaching and management services for your online dating accounts? Click here for more info!  Or Contact Us and ask!

Up next…Kids in your pics, photos with friends, height or age fibbing and more!

Stay tuned each week and find more good stuff here:

Check out these Online Dating Genius previous posts:  The Bathroom SelfieThe Offspring Pic, The Hot Chick In Your Pic, and The Not Your Baby Pic.

Find more good stuff here: Twitter: @projectsoulmate   Facebook: Like us!   Pinterest:  Project Soulmate

Jane Rudes is a Communication Consultant as well as the Online Division Director at Project Soulmate. Jane is happy to speak with interested prospective online clients about their online profile and other common online dating woes.