Will he go the distance?

When embarking on a new relationship, the question is posed.. where should you meet? Relationship Experts Lori and Jenn suggest meeting at a location that is as close to an equal travel distance as possible. This will allow for a neutral location and start the date off on an even playing field. If you come all the way to him, it will eliminate the chase.

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Men love the chase. If a woman travels all the way to the man (especially for the first date) the man will not have to put in ANY work. This could lead to you being much more interested than he is. Does this sound like something you would do? Think about past relationships… were you the one making all the decisions and consistently in charge? It’s time to let this old habit go and let the man lead the way. This will set the stage for a healthy relationship.

If he comes all the way to you… congrats, this guy could be a keeper. It’s important to remember that you ARE worth their time and energy. If they are willing to travel an hour downtown to meet you, let them. This shows commitment right off the bat. It will set the tone for a good potential relationship. However, there is nothing wrong with returning the favor later on down the road. As I always say, relationships are a two way street. If you are blindly meeting someone online or unsure about this person, make sure you meet halfway so there is no option to come back with you.

So you’ve figured out the area… Now where should you meet?

Meet up for a quick drink! You will know on first sight if there is chemistry there. If it isn’t, this quick date will make it easy to leave if you aren’t feeling it.
Grab a bite to eat and have dinner together, go enjoy the changing of the seasons with a walk around the park! Anything that will allow for stimulating conversation is a good choice. Going to the movies or meeting to go to a friends party will not truly allow you to see if a connection is there.

     Dating in NYC can be hard, especially with subways, taxis, and traffic involved. However, keep in mind that if both people put in the effort to make a relationship work, there is a much greater chance that it will end in happiness! Who knows…. your next date could be your soulmate!

 

BY: LILY DOERFLER

Online Dating Genius

Online Dating Genius: The Bathroom Selfie

Introducing Online Dating Genius: A new blog series brought to you by the online dating experts at your favorite NYC Matchmaking Service, Project Soulmate!  Each week we will reveal another “do-not” in online dating.

If you online date, you will relate.

Online Dating Genius

The Bathroom Selfie

Gentlemen, you may think you look great that day. Maybe you do. Problem is – women are much more likely to notice your background bedroom mess and be turned off by the unwarranted glimpse into your bathroom, than be turned on by your “hot” look.

Data shows men who include photos of themselves looking away from the camera get more responses. Just ask a friend to take a candid of you at the beach, when you’re dressed well for work or while going out at night. If you’re alone, at least use the timer on your smartphone cam. The mirror is not your friend! Get out of the bathroom…and the bedroom. Always be mindful of your background.

Relationship experts say that most women click away from male profiles that include selfies. Especially shirtless selfies. Worse…shirtless bathroom selfies. This strategy can negatively imply a lot about you. Women online often perceive men who use selfies as shallow, lonely or not confident enough to ask someone else to take their photo. You should aim for pics that highlight your personality and your hobbies. A great matchmaking tip is to include a minimum of one clear headshot, one candid with a nice smile, a clean-cut full-length picture of you dressed more formally and one shot taken while doing something you love. Mirror pics and shirtless selfies will backfire for men when it comes to dating women online, so bottom line guys…selfies are a do-not.

Written by Jane Rudes

Did you know that Project Soulmate offers professional photo coaching and management services for your online dating accounts? Click here for more info!  Or Contact Us and ask!

Up next…Kids in your pics, photos with friends, height or age fibbing and more!

Stay tuned each week and find more good stuff here:

Check out these Online Dating Genius previous posts:  The Height Exaggeration, The Offspring Pic, The Hot Chick In Your Pic, and The Not Your Baby Pic. 

Find more good stuff here: Twitter: @projectsoulmate   Facebook: Like us!   Pinterest:  Project Soulmate

Jane Rudes is a Communication Consultant as well as the Online Division Director at Project Soulmate. Jane is happy to speak with interested prospective online clients about their online profile and other common online dating woes. 

 

Trick or Treat: How to Tell if Your Relationship is Salty or Sweet

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Halloween is a coveted holiday for various reasons, but the most obvious is because it’s the one day of the year when you can be anyone you want to be. Who do you want to be this Halloween? Or more importantly, who do you want to be with this Halloween? The holiday comes with all sorts of fun things like sweets and hair dye, but it also brings out the goons and the goblins. So, how do you know if the person you are with is a sweet treat or a salty trick to watch out for?

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  1. He refuses to do a couple costume with you
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    Couple costumes can be silly and most of the time absurd, but they are fun way of expressing your relationship to others! If he is totally against a couples costume then clearly he is insecure either in himself or the relationship, or possibly both. No one likes an insecure person especially on the one day of the year when the whole point is to get out of your comfort zone and be something silly! Couple costumes aren’t a must, but a good attitude and someone who is sure of himself and you absolutely is!
  2. He won’t share his candy
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    What? Are you storing your candy for winter? Stingy people are the worst kinds of people. Okay, I get it, candy is super awesome and we all want it for ourselves, but if your significant other can’t spare one Kit-Kat bar he’s totally salty and not worth your time. Trick or treat? Total trick; find someone who wants to give you all the Kit-Kat bars Hershey has to offer.
  3. He hates the holiday
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    It takes a special kind of person to hate the most fun holiday of the year. If he hates Halloween he is a total grouch. Sure, maybe there’s a possibility he has some personal issues with clowns or something, but REALLY do you hate the whole spirit that Halloween has to offer? Candy, cute kids, and dressing up are all fun things that even the grouchiest people love to participate in. So, if he hates Halloween he’s probably got a bad attitude, which quite frankly isn’t fun for anyone.

Treat

  1. He takes pride in his costume; silly or sexy
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    A guy that can laugh at himself is not only sexy, but it also shows that he is confident in himself and clearly has a sense of humor. BIG TREAT. If he can dress up as Pamela Anderson and insert some big balloons into his shirt, while wearing short shorts then he’s a keeper for sure.
  2. He thinks you look sexy even in your big SpongeBob costume
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    This is big. No girl wants to feel like she HAS to dress up as a Playboy bunny to please her man. If you want to dress up as a Playboy bunny, all the power to you. However, wanting to and feeling like you have to because he wouldn’t like it if you wore something baggy and unflattering are 2 different things. If he appreciates you dressing up as something absurd like Gandalf Grey from Lord of the Rings then he’s a total treat. He loves you for you and thinks you will look sexy in anything, including a beard.
  3. He’s great with the kids when he answers the door
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    Guys that are cute with kids are the best thing since sliced bread, am I right?! If he loves being silly and fun with the kids when they ring the doorbell then you know he’s doing something right. The way a guy is around children is a tell tale sign of how he will be not only as a father, but also as a husband. Keep him around this Halloween because he’s a total treat.

Happy Halloween from the team at Project Soulmate!

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By: Nicole Hartley

 

Love yourself first.

Love yourself first.

When thinking about your day to day life, what comes to the forefront? Your workload? Meeting a business partner? Trekking to a different neighborhood to see a friend? No matter what you are doing, do other people come first? This is commonplace in today’s society and sometimes it’s hard to remember to think about yourself. The phrase “self love is the best love” is true, but once you love yourself you can be open to loving others, and loving them wholeheartedly with no reservations. New York’s Elite Matchmakers think that loving yourself first will lead to extremely healthy and successful relationships. The best way to do this is make sure that you take care of yourself mind, body, and spirit.

If you find yourself hearing the phrase “treat yourself” and don’t know what that means… Here are a few tips to help you finding and accepting your best self.

treat yo self

1. Add some personal time to your schedule. If you work everyday and are constantly booked with friends on the weekends, try penciling yourself in instead. Sundays are great days to relax and unwind. Grab a book or try a new hobby like writing a blog, running, or even knitting. It important to maintain your interests so that you don’t end up feeling burnt out.

2. Follow the aforementioned phrase and treat yourself. If you’ve has a long week and want Shake Shack for dinner instead of cooking… do it! Sometimes even diets need to be broken to feel full. There is no point in going through life constantly wanting more. Life is all about choices and it’s best not to overthink small things like this. If you want it, go get it.

3. Enjoy some ‘tech-free time’. Studies say that we should unplug at least one hour before going to bed to maximize the effectiveness of sleep. This seems almost impossible in today’s age where emails are flooding your inbox every minute and social media is more prevalent than ever. Make a conscious effort to put your phone down before bed and you will be grateful, so will your cell phone bill.

4. Find ways to destress. It can be as simple as looking out of your window, taking a 5 minute stretch at work, or working out. Try drinking tea before you go to bed, chamomile been proven to decrease mild anxiety! No matter what it is that you do, do it because you want to, not because you have to.

5. Start a gratitude jar! Everyday (or whenever you remember) write down something on a slip of paper that you are grateful for, or a positive thing that happened that day. At the end of the year you will have a collection of little happy things to remind you how great life can be everyday.

Relationship Experts Lori and Jenn feel that it is important love yourself before you can open up to others and find your potential soulmate. Accepting yourself as you are is the best way to live your happiest life.

BY: LILY DOERFLER

5 Things Men Look For in a Woman

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  1. Confidence
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    Just as women look for confidence in their man, a man loves to see that a woman has confidence in herself. Confidence is attractive and sexy because it shows a guy that you know what you want not only for yourself, but also from others. Men want to know that a woman has faith in herself and in the them because it shows them that you are confident in the relationship and its future.
  2. Independence
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    Every man loves a woman that can hold her own. He wants to know that you want him, but you don’t necessarily need to rely on him. Independence is key to any relationship because it is important to have your own hobbies and interests in order to maintain a healthy and stable relationship. In other words, he doesn’t want you clinging to him every second of the day to do things with you. The last thing anyone should be in a relationship is needy, so be independent because at the end of the day it’s good for both of you and will lead to a healthier, long-lasting relationship.
  3. A Challenge
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    Everyone loves a challenge, especially men. It is endearing to a man when he has to work to try to figure a woman out. Men love to learn more about a woman as the relationship progresses, so don’t air out all your dirty laundry on the first couple of dates; make him wait for it. He wants to know that there is more to you than he already knows, and there probably is, so tell him at the right time not just any time. So, ladies give him a challenge and leave him wanting more both intellectually and physically.
  4. Complexity
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    Just like anything in life, it’s important to be versatile and good at many things. Men like to know that their woman is a bunch of women rolled into one. He doesn’t just want you to be smart or just hard working. He wants you to be smart, hardworking, cute, and caring all in one. Now, I’m not saying that you have to be superwoman, but every woman has multiple interesting personality traits and habits, and he wants to see that versatility in you. You have many strengths, so show him that.
  5. A Good Attitude
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    Above all, every guy loves a woman who has a good attitude. Men love a woman who is fun, positive, and who love to do things. No one wants to be with someone who is always in a bad mood or negative about things because quite frankly, it’s no fun. Obviously everyone has bad times and times where they simply need to be grumpy, but being grumpy and being a grump are two different things. Someone once told me, “A positive attitude changes everything,” and there is nothing more true. If you go into something thinking you are going to succeed or have a positive attitude about it, I can almost guarantee you the outcome will be a good one. So, if you want your relationship to succeed, have a positive attitude, there’s nothing like it.

By: Nicole Hartley

 

 

Dunkin vs. Starbucks: What Does Your Taste in Coffee Say About Your Taste in Guys?

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Dunkin’ or Starbucks? The long-standing debate of who makes the better coffee could also say a lot about your taste in men.

Dunkin’ Fanatics:

If your pick is Dunkin, you are into the “All-American” guy. You like a hard-working, reliable, and manly man. You appreciate someone that knows what they want, but is laid back at the same time. You like a guy who gets things done and who is there for you when you need them.

Starbucks Lovers:

If you’re a Starbucks lover you like your men well- put together and sophisticated. Generally, you are into the preppy type that lives a fast-paced life style. Your guy is usually sleek and charming or geek-chic and intelligent.

Appearance:

Dunkin’                                                                  Starbucks

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Residence:

Dunkin’                                                                 Starbucks

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Pets:

Dunkin’                                                                  Starbucks

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Friends:

Dunkin’                                                                   Starbucks

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You:

Dunkin’                                                                   Starbucks

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By: Nicole Hartley

How Picky is Too Picky When Searching for a Relationship?

Lately, it seems that no matter where we turn we’re faced with articles that say that our generation is “un-dateable” or “there are perfectly good reasons why you’re single!” At the end of the day, it doesn’t take a relationship expert to figure out why most of us are single. It’s because we’re too damn picky.

Don’t get me wrong- there’s no problem with knowing what you want in a relationship. That will save you a lot of time, emotions, and lipstick in the long run.

The problem we have is that, especially when it’s been a while, we tend to concoct this dream man straight out of a Nicholas Sparks novel and any guy who doesn’t meet those standards gets brushed off. Hell, you could have the best matchmaking service in NYC set you up and still find a flaw in your date. Maybe that’s why we’ve been deemed un-dateable?

There’s also a problem within the problem. A lot of us are blind to the fact that we’re picky. We wonder why we push guys away after a few dates or second-guess the relationship when something goes slightly awry.

These things happen because we may not be picky in the beginning, but as the relationship progresses, our pickiness decides to sneak out of the woodwork.

At first, he’s your type. He draws you in and you thank the heavens that you’ve finally broken out of your rut. You’re ready to laugh in all of the faces of those who said you were un-dateable.

Then, you’re pickiness shows up to the party. You notice that he’s not as cute when he shaves his beard. You love that he has tattoos, but think the ones he has are tacky and cliché. That one time he came over for a Netflix date, he chose way too girly of a movie (which he only chose for you and almost definitely hated) which makes him way too sensitive.

We’re all guilty of it. We ruin a good thing by nitpicking the reasons why a perfectly good guy isn’t good enough for us. We end up losing him and blame it on everything but the fact that in our picky minds, he just wasn’t up to par.

Like I said, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with knowing what you want in a man and in a relationship. But when the shoes he wears on the third date makes or breaks the relationship, that’s when you need to take a step back and reevaluate which of your criteria are actually important to you, and which ones are just picky pet peeves getting in the way of love.

 

BY: Nicole D’Amato

The Goldilocks Effect: Too Nice, Too Bad, Too Good to Be True

We’ve all heard the old fairytale of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. A little blonde girl wanders into the home of a family of bears who have gone out for a walk. She rummages through their house, trying each bear’s porridge, sitting in each bear’s chair and sleeping in each bear’s bed until she finds the one that’s just right.

While we may have overlooked it as a silly fairytale growing up, our favorite blonde, porridge eating character staged the perfect symbolism for what many of us experience in our journey to find love, which I like to call: the Goldilocks Effect.

Not everyone is lucky enough to have a love life that is so successful, it seems like an elite matchmaker laid it out for them. Most of us go through a roller coaster of guys before we find “the one”.

I’m sure there’s a list a mile long of the different guys we’ve gone on dates with, and each has a defining characteristic that strikes him off of our future husband list. Here are a few that every single girl is likely to encounter at one point or another on her roller coaster ride to find love:

The Nice Guy: We’ve all met, and probably been on at least one date with, “The Nice Guy.” He’s classically handsome, chivalrous, and everything your mom and grandma describe when they talk about your perfect match.

On paper, “The Nice Guy” is the total package. He’s sweet, intelligent, thoughtful, and caring. He opens doors and compliments you. He brings you flowers and picks up the check. He walks you to your door at the end of the night without the expectation of being invited up.

He’s everything you could ask for in a gentleman. So why is it that you seem to write him off if he’s so perfect?

It’s because he’s just TOO nice.

His jokes are funny but safe- you would never hear an inappropriate or sarcastic pun escape his lips at risk of offending you. He’s always playing it safe. He won’t make the move to give you the goodnight kiss that you’re dying for because he’s afraid to move too fast with you. The dates he takes you on are cut and dry- dinner, a walk on the beach, a coffee shop- never something adventurous or daring.

Point blank: because he plays it too safe, so he loses your interest. Women are complex and we need something to keep our attention and spice things up, otherwise we get bored.

The Bad Boy: The next quintessential man that you are sure to date is “The Bad Boy.” He is the polar opposite of “The Nice Guy,” and he is everything that is NOT on mom and grandma’s “How to Find Love” list that they’ve shoved in your face since you were old enough to date.

“The Bad Boy” is just that: he’s covered in tattoos, rough around the edges, mysterious, and has a notoriously infamous reputation for one reason or another. Maybe he’s the biggest player in the area, or maybe he has a not-so-clean past that follows him around. Whatever it is, it attracts you to him like a magnet.

You’re infatuated with “The Bad Boy.” He keeps you on your toes and you never know what to expect with him. As things progress, you start to think that you can break him of his bad boy reputation and that falling in love with you will put him on the straight and narrow.

The sad realization about “The Bad Boy” is that unless he wants to change, he’s not going to. No matter how many times you try to get him to do couple-y things together, he’s more likely to commit to his next tattoo than he is to an evening with you. And forget asking him to post that picture of the two of you to his Instagram. Anything that could damage his bad boy image is a no-go.

If you’re trying to find love, looking to “The Bad Boy” is going to lead to a dead end because just as his nickname entails, he’s bad for you.

The Too Good To Be True: I can personally attest that the guys who seem too good to be true tend to be.

In my own quest to find love, I’ve personally encountered all of the aforementioned men. I’ve been disappointed with “The Nice Guy,” tried to change “The Bad Boy,” and thought I hit the jackpot with the guy who was too good to be true- until it came crashing down.

The “Too Good to Be True” guy is the one who seems to be the whole package. He’s handsome, witty, thoughtful, romantic, fun and easy to be with. Even as you are still getting to know him, you feel as if you’ve known him for your whole life.

From the start, you feel like you can open up to him and be yourself completely. He surprises you with flowers and gifts that he could only know you’d love by actually listening to your rambling that most people tune out.
Everything with him is perfect. It’s literally too good to be true. Then, reality hits. It IS too good to be true.

You realize that he may not be all he’s cracked up to be. Your initial infatuation diminishes as the honeymoon stage ends and you’re left wondering if he is as amazing as you initially thought. Or you find that some of the things that made him incredible were fabrications or down right lies. The excitement over him begins to fade, and the constant communication between the two of you becomes more of a nuisance than it is enjoyable and you start to nitpick everything that happens between the two of you.

As much as it sucks to hear, if you think someone is too good to be true, he probably is.

 

Along the beaten path you’ve taken to find love, there’s bound to have been times where you been ready to give up and settle for living life as a cat lady. But just think, it took Goldilocks a few tries to find what was just right for her, and it’s no different for your love life.

One day, you’ll come across a guy who is the perfect combination of “The Nice Guy,” “The Bad Boy,” and the “Too Good to Be True.” He’s going to be the perfect guy for you- your “just right.”

So don’t stop looking, because if you do, your soulmate may slip right through the cracks.

 

BY: Nicole D’Amato

Mother Vs. Matchmaker

“Mother knows best!” is a saying that has rung through our ears since before we were born. And honestly, for most of us, the saying has probably proved true more times than once. Then there’s the BFF who stands right alongside mom in terms of knowing you and knowing (or thinking they know) what’s best for you. From the countless phone calls about the awful date you just went on or the guy who had put your heart through the ringer, to the endless nights filled with chick flicks and drooling over Ryan Gosling, your mom and your best friend think they know the ins and outs of who you should date and (even if they won’t say it out loud) deem themselves your perfect matchmaker.

Although they have your best interests at heart, letting someone close to you play matchmaker can get messy. To find drama-free, no-muss-no-fuss love, it is best to seek out a professional matchmaker.

While you may think, “What’s the point of wasting my time/money/energy on a matchmaker when I have friends and family to do it for free?” you have to realize that there are many differences between the two.


 

Difference #1: Matchmakers have a much larger network of potential partners for you than your friends and family do.

While your best friend may have the perfect guy from the office that you just have to go on a date with, that’s probably about as broad as her network of singles that she hasn’t set you up with (or at least tried).

And we all know that mom has tried multiple times to set you up with just about any cute guy that she comes across- her boss’s nephew (who she’s only ever seen one picture of), her personal trainer, or even someone she’s never met before but automatically knows will be perfect for you.

On the other hand, professional matchmaking services, like Project Soulmate, have an exceptionally larger pool of singles and potential dates that are just waiting for a chance to go out with you.


 

Difference #2: Matchmakers get to know you and what you want

As well as your mom and best friend know you, when it comes to your love life, objectifying the topic is not their strong suit. While they may think they know your Mr. Right down to a T, more often than not they miss the target by a long shot. Remember that phase you went through where you were attracted to that grungy, hipster guy that you would always see at your local café? Well your BFF still remembers that, and even though that was five years ago and that phase has long been over, when she passes that grungy, Kurt Cobain-esque guy walking through the streets of Brooklyn, he’s automatically filed in her mind as your potential soulmate.

When working with professional matchmakers, on the other hand, being objective is their strong suit. They will get to know who you are and exactly what you’re looking for in a partner at this point in your life, and use that to find you the perfect match.


 

Difference #3: No strings attached!

If you go on a first date with someone your mom or friend set you up with and have an awful time, you’re likely to sugar coat it or lie and say you had a decent time to avoid hurting their feelings or coming off as ungrateful.

While matchmakers get to know you on a personal level to find you your perfect match, your relationship is professional rather than personal so you can be 100% honest without worrying about inciting turbulence in your relationship. If your date went horribly and you don’t want to even think about seeing him again, you can openly tell them and they’ll simply look to find you a new, more successful date.

Although your mom and best friend may know the ins and outs of your life and always have your best interest in mind, when it comes to something as important as your love life, sometimes it’s better for them to step aside and lets the professionals take the reins.

 

BY: Nicole D’Amato

Use Your Five Senses To Spice Up Your Lovelife

By Lori Zaslow and Jennifer Zucher

If you’re looking for ways to spice up your love life, why not use what’s already available to you? Take advantage of your five senses – taste, sight, hearing, touch and smell – and get the most out of your relationship.

Taste: Make dinner together. If one of you is more Chef Boyardee than Julia Child, you can still keep your spouse company – and perhaps even get a good laugh out of your culinary mishaps.

Related Link: Date Idea: Expand Your Tastes

Sight: Plan a regular date night. A romantic outing is something you can both look forward to. Plus, it’s a way to transport yourselves back to when you first met. Be spontaneous too. Every once in a while, do something together in the spur of the moment. Breaking away from your routine adds excitement to your relationship, and the experience, whether it’s a surprise day trip or just an impromptu picnic in the backyard, it will bring the two of you closer together.

Hearing: Always talk or text at some point during the day. Whenever you can, take a few minutes out of your busy schedule to say hello to your significant other. Even a text that says something like “hope you’re having a good day” shows that you’re thinking of him. Most people spend more time at work than at home, so it’s important to stay connected to your loved ones.

Touch: Go for a walk, either a hike on a nearby trail or a stroll down a city street. The dynamic scenery may inspire a philosophical conversation about your plans for the future, or you may feel content to just enjoy the view as you walk hand-in-hand. Getting in touch with both your surroundings and each other will reignite any spark that’s been missing.

Related Link: The Most Health-Conscious Celebrity Couples

Smell: Make putting on your favorite scent part of your morning routine, like brushing your teeth and washing your face. You want to be remembered and thought of throughout the day, so always make sure you smell your best. Remember that oils last longer than perfumes and can even be worn with perfume to enhance your own scent and allure. The power of smell is seductive.

To ignite your sense of smell, check out the new love oil created by Project Soulmate matchmakers Lori Zaslow and Jennifer Zucher. grav.i.tate is the perfect aphrodisiac to spice up your love life, whether first thing in the morning or for a sexier vibe in the evening.  http://www.gravitateoil.com/short.php