Online Dating Genius: Cool Vacay, But I Don't Care

Online Dating Genius: The Travel Pics

Welcome to #6 of Online Dating Genius: A blog series brought to you by the online dating experts at your favorite NYC Matchmaking Service, Project Soulmate! Each post we will reveal another “do-not” in the world of online dating.

As usual, if you online date, you will relate!

Online Dating Genius: Cool Vacay, But I Don't Care

So, what is on the agenda this week? Hopefully not uploading too many pictures from your vacation to your online dating profile.

Picture this: the girl of your dreams has just gone through about 20 different online dating profiles, and after reading what each had to say about themselves (yes guys, females actually read every word), 8 stick out most and you made the cut! Problem is, on paper all 8 of you seem pretty similar because you each fit the criteria she entered into the search bar. Now she has to determine who she really wants to meet. How will she go about doing that? The same way you make that decision, from the photos! Luckily you have already passed the hard part – a really well written profile – but will she find you attractive enough? Will your pics make or break her decision?  Here is where your one-too-many vacation pics become a huge problem for your online dating profile.

Sure we all think your 30 day excursion to Hong Kong was awesome, you seem very worldly and fun to be with and we’re all really jealous, but (1) stop rubbing it in, and (2) did we really need 20 pics of your trip while we still barely know what your face looks like?! Are you offering Hong Kong itself? You can see the problem here. The tiebreaker between Other Guy and You has just been broken and you lost. Girl Of Your Dreams could not figure out what you look like and to make matters worse, now she thinks you are weird for posting all those random pics.

We’re not saying cut them out completely; sometimes they give your dating profile a little character and can set you apart. Just limit them to maybe one or two and ideally, you are in them. If not, include a caption about why that moment stood out to you. Show her who you are.  Either way, you must have a variety of good pics of yourself in the mix.

In the future, try to keep in mind that this is a dating website and not a social media website or Trip Advisor. People are looking for a potential date and often for the love of their life, not a travel agent. Why not show off all of your favorite vacation pictures after you and your new date get a little closer? Impress her by “friending” her on Facebook where she can look at your travel pics all she wants!

Don’t let these common mistakes discourage you, though. We know how tough online dating is, but there are so many other strategies that actually work in your favor. Covering your profile with vacation pictures is simply not one of them.

Project Soulmate is able to offer you helpful tips to make your online dating profile stand out from the crowd, and through our assistance with profile writing, photography, coaching, and account management services we make this whole “finding the love of my life” thing a piece of cake. Our professional matchmakers are always available and willing to help, just Click here for more info!  Or Contact Us and ask!

Check out these Online Dating Genius previous posts: The Offspring Pic, The Bathroom Selfie, The Height Exaggeration, and The Hot Chick In Your Pic.

Find more good stuff here: Twitter: @projectsoulmate   Facebook: Like us!   Pinterest:  Project Soulmate

Emily Stovall

Emily Stovall is our powerhouse Marketing and Business Management Intern.

Jane Rudes is a Communication Consultant and the Online Division Director at Project Soulmate. She is happy to answer questions for interested and prospective online clients regarding common online dating woes and what we can do for your online accounts.  

Relationship Advice: Is Long Distance Worth It?

Long Distance

Long distance… is it really worth it? Unfortunately I find myself asking this question way more often than I should. See the problem is, I have always stood by the idea that long distance will not work, but low and behold… I am in a long distance relationship right now. This has led me to question things like “what makes mine different,” or “why do I think mine will actually work;” and it made me realize certain factors that I think can help decide if long distance is really worth it or not.

I’ll start by explaining why I think long distance is not meant to be and why I believe it will not work. The main reason is because long distance means you completely lose the physical and tangible affection and enjoyment spent with a person when the relationship is solely connected by a phone or video chat. I think one of the best and most important parts of a relationship is the physical attraction felt by two people, and the pride each person feels when they get to be seen in public with their significant other. In a long distance relationship, however, it completely takes that aspect of a relationship away. I know it can be difficult to actually find love in NYC sometimes, so you don’t want to let it go, but after reading this hopefully you’ll be able to make the right decision for your relationship and maybe consider looking to some professional matchmakers for help!

So, with that in mind, here’s what you should think about if you are deciding whether or not to go on with this long distance relationship

The first factor is whether or not the relationship began on long distance or if it became long distance. If it is the first, meaning your entire relationship from talking to actually dating has been long distance, then I’m sorry I don’t think it is worth it, and it won’t work in the long run. Why? Because, whether we like to admit it or not, people are fake. I think if you are looking to actually settle down it is crucial to see how a person lives, but if youLong Distance have never even stepped foot on the front steps of their house, let alone even been inside, then you really cannot make true judgments on this person. You are unable to tell how they are in public, how social they are, or how smelly of a person they are and these are essential in determining the success of a relationship.

If your relationship was not long distance from the start, but became it due to some outside factor such as work or school (like me!), then I believe your relationship might have a chance! That’s right, I said might and the reason for that leads me to the next factor. This factor is whether or not you guys have set a deadline for each other. As I have stated before, I believe a physical connection is important, so the option of just remaining long distance forever after this point is not a good choice, in my opinion. I think it would be very beneficial for your relationship if you set a time frame, maybe like a year at the most, that can give you each a chance to determine if you can move to each other or if you should just move on from each other.

The last factor is travel. I’m sure this is a common occurrence while dating in New York, but sometimes people do not realize the problems it can have on a relationship. The issue is that Yay you have finally found Long Distancelove in New York, but now you’re not sure if it is working due to all of this travel for work. If your significant other seems to be traveling so much that you are beginning to feel out of touch with each other, perhaps you should ask if you could go with them every now and then. Do not interfere with their work, obviously, but studies have shown that going to sleep together every night can actually lead to a longer and healthier relationship, so try and make that happen! If you are not allowed to travel with them, then try to at least make their times back home very special. But, if these changes do not seem to be helping, then it may be time to cut your losses and move on.

It’s the hard truth, and sometimes the best choice is not always the easiest, but it has to be done. There are so many people in this world that if you can’t find a good guy, I know a couple people that can help… You might have heard of them… does Project Soulmate ring a bell?

Emily Stovall

Online Dating Genius: The Not-Your-Baby Pic

Welcome to #5 of Online Dating Genius: A blog series brought to you by the online dating experts at your favorite NYC Matchmaking Service, Project Soulmate! Each week we will reveal another “do-not” in online dating.

If you online date, you will relate.

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Let’s get real for a second, okay? What is your intention when making the decision to upload that photo of you and that cute baby into your online profile? You do know that you’re on a dating site, not your facebook page, right? So why did you think that this random baby would make an important impression upon 100’s of strangers; a small fraction of whom you might be interested in dating?  

We think we get it. You want kids? You are great with kids! Babies love you, thus your matches will love you, too! You will make a great parent someday, therefore highlighting you as more desirable than other matches lacking random not-their-baby pics.  

No? We’re way off?  Ok we’ve got it…you think that cute baby makes you look cuter? It works at the party/beach/park like a charm. You walk around with your friend’s adorable baby and all the singles you hoped would notice you earlier, now flock to you and say “Oh she is sooooo cute! Is she yours?” To which you coyly reply, “No, she’s my buddy’s, but she loves me more,” to which they laugh, breathing a sigh of relief and immediately notice how cute (and available) YOU are!

Whatever your reason, it doesn’t typically play out this way on the other end of the digital dating world. It generally looks more like this:

“Wait, I thought he didn’t have a kid? Ugh, I bet has a kid but didn’t want to say so since he’s never been married.” (Click back button, other match suggestions pop up, new match suggestion looks pretty cute, click new match suggestion.) Yeah, people don’t always see your captions.  Sometimes it plays out like this: “She’s cute but this pic of her with her sister’s baby probably means she’s really wants a baby, too.  I’ve met too many women in a rush.” (Click to next match)

We know dating online can be a downer.  You’re just trying whatever you can to stand out, attract the right person, catch a break.  Everyone is in the same boat; we hear these complaints daily and have seen all that your probably go through during one of our past online dating client sessions. Whether it’s a male or female client, younger or older, with or without kids…everyone has their valid gripes.

There are many great strategies to dating online successfully. However, using a random baby that’s not your baby to attract someone isn’t one of them. Hence, the Not-Your-Baby photo choice is a DO NOT in online dating profile photo selection.  

Project Soulmate offers more than expert matchmaking in NYC. We can help you decide on the best photos for your online dating profile.  We also offer professional profile writing, photography, coaching and account management services for your online dating accounts. Click here for more info!  Or Contact Us and ask!

Coming soon… Photos With Friends…and more! Stay tuned!

Check out these Online Dating Genius previous posts: The Offspring Pic, The Bathroom Selfie, The Height Exaggeration, and The Hot Chick In Your Pic.  

Find more good stuff here: Twitter: @projectsoulmate   Facebook: Like us!   Pinterest:  Project Soulmate

Jane Rudes

Jane Rudes is a Communication Consultant as well as the Online Division Director at Project Soulmate. Jane is happy to speak with interested prospective online clients about their online profile and other common online dating woes. 

Online Dating Genius: The Offspring Pic

Welcome to #4 of Online Dating Genius: A blog series brought to you by the online dating experts at your favorite NYC Matchmaking Service, Project Soulmate! Each week we will reveal another “do-not” in online dating.

If you online date, you will relate.

Online Dating: The Offspring Pic

No, no, no! That’s right. None. The only place your kids belong in your online dating life, is at home with a sitter or your X while you’re on a date.  All online dating sites have a way for you to indicate if you have children and whether or not you are open to dating someone with children – and that is enough info.

Take baby steps; first focus on attracting someone to YOU, then of course make sure they are right for you. If you are choosing wisely, “right for you” will be also be good for your family.  If you are dating smart, the phase of meeting your kids will be a long way down the road. The last thing you want in a prospective date’s mind is  assumptions and judgements about your previous marriage and the situation they could be getting involved in by dating you. Which is precisely what those adorable pics of your kids plant in their heads. Keep them focused on you and only you. 

So what should be included in your profile pics? Anything that highlights the attractive parts of YOU.  Are you fit, fun, sexy, reserved, conservative, kind, talented, a leader, a philanthropist, a cultured traveler, a clown? Whatever you are, your online dating profile is your ad and you are the brand.  Viewers should get a feel for your personality, what you can bring to a relationship and why they may want to connect with you. On that note – you can simultaneously design your profile to attract a certain type of person you desire.

There are many useful photo and writing strategies for shining amidst the online dating fog – but including your kids in your profile photos is NOT one of them.

Project Soulmate can help you choose the best photos for your profile.  We also offer professional online profile writing, photography, online date coaching and expert matchmaking services using your online dating accounts.

Click here for more info!  Or Contact Us and ask!

Coming soon… Photos With Friends…and more!  Stay tuned!

Check out these Online Dating Genius previous posts: The Bathroom Selfie, The Height Exaggeration, The Hot Chick In Your Pic, and The Not Your Baby Pic.

Find more good stuff here: Twitter: @projectsoulmate   Facebook: Like us!   Pinterest:  Project Soulmate

Jane Rudes is a Communication Consultant as well as the Online Division Director at Project Soulmate. Jane is happy to speak with interested prospective online clients about their online profile and other common online dating woes. 

30 is the New 20

By: Nicole Hartley

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There is a recent a buzz about how 30 is the new 20, but top psychologists say this is far from the truth. Twenty-somethings are putting off career and relationship decisions based on the belief that they have “downtime” before “real life” begins.

If you’re in your twenties and think that you have all the time in the world to start investing in your future, you’re wrong. Meg Jay, a clinical psychologist gave a TED talk about the false notion that twenty-somethings think they have all the time in the world to figure out their careers and their love lives. “Claiming your twenties is one of the simplest yet most transformative things you can do for work, for love, for your happiness, maybe even for the world,” says Jay.

In her talk, she calls the decade of your twenties “The Developmental Sweet-spot.” People in their twenties are often poorly influenced to believe that this period of life is an extended adolescence meant for living their life to the fullest by doing what they want while they still can. However, Meg Jay accurately points out how living your life to the fullest should include investing in your future NOW rather than later.

In her TED Talk, she says that the brain’s second and final growth spurt occurs in a person’s twenties, so if there is something you want to change about yourself, now is the time to do it. One of Jay’s 20-something patients share that she was dating a guy that she knew was a bad match for her. Jay questions the patient on why she would date a guy she doesn’t see a future with. Sadly, most twenty-somethings waste their time on relationships that have no future because they are waiting until their thirties to settle down with “The One.” Meg Jay says that this is a serious problem because when people do this, they often end up settling for someone out of convenience when they hit that 30 mark because it’s “time” to get married. “The best time to start working on your marriage is before you have one,” says Jay. “And that means being as intentional with love as you are with work.”

The bottom line is do not wait to start thinking about your future and building towards the life you ultimately want to achieve. Second best shouldn’t be your final destination in your career or your love life. Take charge and take initiative, go get the life you want NOW because time is working against you and it’s time for you to start pushing back.

here’s the link to the TED Talk:

 

Online Dating Genius

Online Dating Genius: The Hot Chick In Your Pic

Welcome to #3 of Online Dating Genius: A blog series brought to you by the online dating experts at your favorite NYC Matchmaking Service, Project Soulmate! Each week we will reveal another “do-not” in online dating.

If you online date, you will relate.

Online Dating

You’re better off without her.

How exactly does this chick help your online dating success? Did you think that women will find you more attractive because you have a female friend / sister / x-girlfriend that is a 10? Or is this your way of saying “women less hot than this chick need not apply”?

Whatever your reason, it does not work out in your favor. Most women rate male online profiles containing photos of themselves with other women as less appealing because they assume he is hooked on his X, a player (especially when it’s you and a group of chicks), an “in the friend zone” type of guy, or undesirable to these other women in your photo for some good reason. Your pics with chicks are pointless. If you look that good in it, crop everyone else out. In fact, data has shown that online profiles using photos that include any friends or family get less clicks, messages and replies than those using only solo pics.

If you want women to find your online dating profile more desireable, use a photo where you’re looking away from the camera – maybe a candid of you playing a sport or an instrument, one when you are dressed up but not posing, for example; speaking at an important event. It’s that suit and tie or even just that in-command appearance that does it for women online. The idea (not necessarily the image) that others are listening to you, viewing you as leader or even just a guy that can do something really well – is what makes women tick and then click.

Leave room for her to imagine – particularly imagine herself with you.   Bottom line guys – chicks in your pics are a do-not.

Project Soulmate can help you decide on the best photos.  We also offer professional online dating profile writing, photography, and expert matchmaking services for your online dating accounts. Click here for more info!  Or Contact Us and ask!

Coming soon…Age Fibbing…and more! Stay tuned each week!

Find more good stuff here:

Twitter: @projectsoulmate   Facebook: Like us!   Pinterest:  Project Soulmate

Check out these Online Dating Genius previous posts: The Bathroom Selfie, The Height ExaggerationThe Offspring Pic, and and The Not Your Baby Pic.

Jane Rudes is a Communication Consultant as well as the Online Division Director at Project Soulmate. Jane is happy to speak with interested prospective online clients about their online profile and other common online dating woes. 

 

Online Dating Genius

Online Dating Genius: Height Exaggeration

Welcome to #2 of Online Dating Genius: A new blog series brought to you by the online dating experts at your favorite NYC Matchmaking Service, Project Soulmate! Each week we will reveal another “do-not” in online dating. If you online date, you will relate.

Own Your Mini-me-ness

Own Your Mini-me-ness

What’s the plan fellas? If your strategy is “just get her to meet me, then she’ll see how charming and funny I am, despite my height” all she will see is the way you handle your insecurities: with deception. This makes you much less attractive than if you were to actually be upfront about your height in a charming and funny way via your online profile.  

Pushing a maximum of one inch in your online dating profile might work. However, anything easily noticeable in person will be a waste of your (and their) future dating time.   Most women – and more importantly – women worth dating, would choose honesty over height.  

Being on the front lines of online dating with our clients, us matchmaking experts know how hard it is for guys listed at under 5’10” to get the most clicks.  Good news is that a majority of women online are willing to give you a chance despite feeling initially ambivalent about your online profile attractiveness – unlike men who mostly won’t engage online unless they feel highly attracted to a woman’s pics.  Data shows that women decide how attractive you are after meeting in person for at least 15 minutes . Hence, your personality plays the outweighing factor when she’s on the fence.

Own it guys.  If you put a taller height to appear in more online dating searches, then say something funny and honest about it in your summary to hitch her.  Humor and self-confidence are the keys to a woman’s heart.  Bottom line guys…height deception is a do-not.

Did you know that Project Soulmate offers professional photo coaching and management services for your online dating accounts? Click here for more info!  Or Contact Us and ask!

Up next…Kids in your pics, photos with friends, height or age fibbing and more!

Stay tuned each week and find more good stuff here:

Check out these Online Dating Genius previous posts:  The Bathroom SelfieThe Offspring Pic, The Hot Chick In Your Pic, and The Not Your Baby Pic.

Find more good stuff here: Twitter: @projectsoulmate   Facebook: Like us!   Pinterest:  Project Soulmate

Jane Rudes is a Communication Consultant as well as the Online Division Director at Project Soulmate. Jane is happy to speak with interested prospective online clients about their online profile and other common online dating woes. 

 

Will he go the distance?

When embarking on a new relationship, the question is posed.. where should you meet? Relationship Experts Lori and Jenn suggest meeting at a location that is as close to an equal travel distance as possible. This will allow for a neutral location and start the date off on an even playing field. If you come all the way to him, it will eliminate the chase.

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Men love the chase. If a woman travels all the way to the man (especially for the first date) the man will not have to put in ANY work. This could lead to you being much more interested than he is. Does this sound like something you would do? Think about past relationships… were you the one making all the decisions and consistently in charge? It’s time to let this old habit go and let the man lead the way. This will set the stage for a healthy relationship.

If he comes all the way to you… congrats, this guy could be a keeper. It’s important to remember that you ARE worth their time and energy. If they are willing to travel an hour downtown to meet you, let them. This shows commitment right off the bat. It will set the tone for a good potential relationship. However, there is nothing wrong with returning the favor later on down the road. As I always say, relationships are a two way street. If you are blindly meeting someone online or unsure about this person, make sure you meet halfway so there is no option to come back with you.

So you’ve figured out the area… Now where should you meet?

Meet up for a quick drink! You will know on first sight if there is chemistry there. If it isn’t, this quick date will make it easy to leave if you aren’t feeling it.
Grab a bite to eat and have dinner together, go enjoy the changing of the seasons with a walk around the park! Anything that will allow for stimulating conversation is a good choice. Going to the movies or meeting to go to a friends party will not truly allow you to see if a connection is there.

     Dating in NYC can be hard, especially with subways, taxis, and traffic involved. However, keep in mind that if both people put in the effort to make a relationship work, there is a much greater chance that it will end in happiness! Who knows…. your next date could be your soulmate!

 

BY: LILY DOERFLER

Online Dating Genius

Online Dating Genius: The Bathroom Selfie

Introducing Online Dating Genius: A new blog series brought to you by the online dating experts at your favorite NYC Matchmaking Service, Project Soulmate!  Each week we will reveal another “do-not” in online dating.

If you online date, you will relate.

Online Dating Genius

The Bathroom Selfie

Gentlemen, you may think you look great that day. Maybe you do. Problem is – women are much more likely to notice your background bedroom mess and be turned off by the unwarranted glimpse into your bathroom, than be turned on by your “hot” look.

Data shows men who include photos of themselves looking away from the camera get more responses. Just ask a friend to take a candid of you at the beach, when you’re dressed well for work or while going out at night. If you’re alone, at least use the timer on your smartphone cam. The mirror is not your friend! Get out of the bathroom…and the bedroom. Always be mindful of your background.

Relationship experts say that most women click away from male profiles that include selfies. Especially shirtless selfies. Worse…shirtless bathroom selfies. This strategy can negatively imply a lot about you. Women online often perceive men who use selfies as shallow, lonely or not confident enough to ask someone else to take their photo. You should aim for pics that highlight your personality and your hobbies. A great matchmaking tip is to include a minimum of one clear headshot, one candid with a nice smile, a clean-cut full-length picture of you dressed more formally and one shot taken while doing something you love. Mirror pics and shirtless selfies will backfire for men when it comes to dating women online, so bottom line guys…selfies are a do-not.

Written by Jane Rudes

Did you know that Project Soulmate offers professional photo coaching and management services for your online dating accounts? Click here for more info!  Or Contact Us and ask!

Up next…Kids in your pics, photos with friends, height or age fibbing and more!

Stay tuned each week and find more good stuff here:

Check out these Online Dating Genius previous posts:  The Height Exaggeration, The Offspring Pic, The Hot Chick In Your Pic, and The Not Your Baby Pic. 

Find more good stuff here: Twitter: @projectsoulmate   Facebook: Like us!   Pinterest:  Project Soulmate

Jane Rudes is a Communication Consultant as well as the Online Division Director at Project Soulmate. Jane is happy to speak with interested prospective online clients about their online profile and other common online dating woes. 

 

Trick or Treat: How to Tell if Your Relationship is Salty or Sweet

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Halloween is a coveted holiday for various reasons, but the most obvious is because it’s the one day of the year when you can be anyone you want to be. Who do you want to be this Halloween? Or more importantly, who do you want to be with this Halloween? The holiday comes with all sorts of fun things like sweets and hair dye, but it also brings out the goons and the goblins. So, how do you know if the person you are with is a sweet treat or a salty trick to watch out for?

Trick

  1. He refuses to do a couple costume with you
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    Couple costumes can be silly and most of the time absurd, but they are fun way of expressing your relationship to others! If he is totally against a couples costume then clearly he is insecure either in himself or the relationship, or possibly both. No one likes an insecure person especially on the one day of the year when the whole point is to get out of your comfort zone and be something silly! Couple costumes aren’t a must, but a good attitude and someone who is sure of himself and you absolutely is!
  2. He won’t share his candy
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    What? Are you storing your candy for winter? Stingy people are the worst kinds of people. Okay, I get it, candy is super awesome and we all want it for ourselves, but if your significant other can’t spare one Kit-Kat bar he’s totally salty and not worth your time. Trick or treat? Total trick; find someone who wants to give you all the Kit-Kat bars Hershey has to offer.
  3. He hates the holiday
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    It takes a special kind of person to hate the most fun holiday of the year. If he hates Halloween he is a total grouch. Sure, maybe there’s a possibility he has some personal issues with clowns or something, but REALLY do you hate the whole spirit that Halloween has to offer? Candy, cute kids, and dressing up are all fun things that even the grouchiest people love to participate in. So, if he hates Halloween he’s probably got a bad attitude, which quite frankly isn’t fun for anyone.

Treat

  1. He takes pride in his costume; silly or sexy
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    A guy that can laugh at himself is not only sexy, but it also shows that he is confident in himself and clearly has a sense of humor. BIG TREAT. If he can dress up as Pamela Anderson and insert some big balloons into his shirt, while wearing short shorts then he’s a keeper for sure.
  2. He thinks you look sexy even in your big SpongeBob costume
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    This is big. No girl wants to feel like she HAS to dress up as a Playboy bunny to please her man. If you want to dress up as a Playboy bunny, all the power to you. However, wanting to and feeling like you have to because he wouldn’t like it if you wore something baggy and unflattering are 2 different things. If he appreciates you dressing up as something absurd like Gandalf Grey from Lord of the Rings then he’s a total treat. He loves you for you and thinks you will look sexy in anything, including a beard.
  3. He’s great with the kids when he answers the door
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    Guys that are cute with kids are the best thing since sliced bread, am I right?! If he loves being silly and fun with the kids when they ring the doorbell then you know he’s doing something right. The way a guy is around children is a tell tale sign of how he will be not only as a father, but also as a husband. Keep him around this Halloween because he’s a total treat.

Happy Halloween from the team at Project Soulmate!

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By: Nicole Hartley