Online Dating Genius: The Not-Your-Baby Pic

Welcome to #5 of Online Dating Genius: A blog series brought to you by the online dating experts at your favorite NYC Matchmaking Service, Project Soulmate! Each week we will reveal another “do-not” in online dating.

If you online date, you will relate.

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Let’s get real for a second, okay? What is your intention when making the decision to upload that photo of you and that cute baby into your online profile? You do know that you’re on a dating site, not your facebook page, right? So why did you think that this random baby would make an important impression upon 100’s of strangers; a small fraction of whom you might be interested in dating?  

We think we get it. You want kids? You are great with kids! Babies love you, thus your matches will love you, too! You will make a great parent someday, therefore highlighting you as more desirable than other matches lacking random not-their-baby pics.  

No? We’re way off?  Ok we’ve got it…you think that cute baby makes you look cuter? It works at the party/beach/park like a charm. You walk around with your friend’s adorable baby and all the singles you hoped would notice you earlier, now flock to you and say “Oh she is sooooo cute! Is she yours?” To which you coyly reply, “No, she’s my buddy’s, but she loves me more,” to which they laugh, breathing a sigh of relief and immediately notice how cute (and available) YOU are!

Whatever your reason, it doesn’t typically play out this way on the other end of the digital dating world. It generally looks more like this:

“Wait, I thought he didn’t have a kid? Ugh, I bet has a kid but didn’t want to say so since he’s never been married.” (Click back button, other match suggestions pop up, new match suggestion looks pretty cute, click new match suggestion.) Yeah, people don’t always see your captions.  Sometimes it plays out like this: “She’s cute but this pic of her with her sister’s baby probably means she’s really wants a baby, too.  I’ve met too many women in a rush.” (Click to next match)

We know dating online can be a downer.  You’re just trying whatever you can to stand out, attract the right person, catch a break.  Everyone is in the same boat; we hear these complaints daily and have seen all that your probably go through during one of our past online dating client sessions. Whether it’s a male or female client, younger or older, with or without kids…everyone has their valid gripes.

There are many great strategies to dating online successfully. However, using a random baby that’s not your baby to attract someone isn’t one of them. Hence, the Not-Your-Baby photo choice is a DO NOT in online dating profile photo selection.  

Project Soulmate offers more than expert matchmaking in NYC. We can help you decide on the best photos for your online dating profile.  We also offer professional profile writing, photography, coaching and account management services for your online dating accounts. Click here for more info!  Or Contact Us and ask!

Coming soon… Photos With Friends…and more! Stay tuned!

Check out these Online Dating Genius previous posts: The Offspring Pic, The Bathroom Selfie, The Height Exaggeration, and The Hot Chick In Your Pic.  

Find more good stuff here: Twitter: @projectsoulmate   Facebook: Like us!   Pinterest:  Project Soulmate

Jane Rudes

Jane Rudes is a Communication Consultant as well as the Online Division Director at Project Soulmate. Jane is happy to speak with interested prospective online clients about their online profile and other common online dating woes. 

Online Dating Genius: The Offspring Pic

Welcome to #4 of Online Dating Genius: A blog series brought to you by the online dating experts at your favorite NYC Matchmaking Service, Project Soulmate! Each week we will reveal another “do-not” in online dating.

If you online date, you will relate.

Online Dating: The Offspring Pic

No, no, no! That’s right. None. The only place your kids belong in your online dating life, is at home with a sitter or your X while you’re on a date.  All online dating sites have a way for you to indicate if you have children and whether or not you are open to dating someone with children – and that is enough info.

Take baby steps; first focus on attracting someone to YOU, then of course make sure they are right for you. If you are choosing wisely, “right for you” will be also be good for your family.  If you are dating smart, the phase of meeting your kids will be a long way down the road. The last thing you want in a prospective date’s mind is  assumptions and judgements about your previous marriage and the situation they could be getting involved in by dating you. Which is precisely what those adorable pics of your kids plant in their heads. Keep them focused on you and only you. 

So what should be included in your profile pics? Anything that highlights the attractive parts of YOU.  Are you fit, fun, sexy, reserved, conservative, kind, talented, a leader, a philanthropist, a cultured traveler, a clown? Whatever you are, your online dating profile is your ad and you are the brand.  Viewers should get a feel for your personality, what you can bring to a relationship and why they may want to connect with you. On that note – you can simultaneously design your profile to attract a certain type of person you desire.

There are many useful photo and writing strategies for shining amidst the online dating fog – but including your kids in your profile photos is NOT one of them.

Project Soulmate can help you choose the best photos for your profile.  We also offer professional online profile writing, photography, online date coaching and expert matchmaking services using your online dating accounts.

Click here for more info!  Or Contact Us and ask!

Coming soon… Photos With Friends…and more!  Stay tuned!

Check out these Online Dating Genius previous posts: The Bathroom Selfie, The Height Exaggeration, The Hot Chick In Your Pic, and The Not Your Baby Pic.

Find more good stuff here: Twitter: @projectsoulmate   Facebook: Like us!   Pinterest:  Project Soulmate

Jane Rudes is a Communication Consultant as well as the Online Division Director at Project Soulmate. Jane is happy to speak with interested prospective online clients about their online profile and other common online dating woes. 

30 is the New 20

By: Nicole Hartley

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There is a recent a buzz about how 30 is the new 20, but top psychologists say this is far from the truth. Twenty-somethings are putting off career and relationship decisions based on the belief that they have “downtime” before “real life” begins.

If you’re in your twenties and think that you have all the time in the world to start investing in your future, you’re wrong. Meg Jay, a clinical psychologist gave a TED talk about the false notion that twenty-somethings think they have all the time in the world to figure out their careers and their love lives. “Claiming your twenties is one of the simplest yet most transformative things you can do for work, for love, for your happiness, maybe even for the world,” says Jay.

In her talk, she calls the decade of your twenties “The Developmental Sweet-spot.” People in their twenties are often poorly influenced to believe that this period of life is an extended adolescence meant for living their life to the fullest by doing what they want while they still can. However, Meg Jay accurately points out how living your life to the fullest should include investing in your future NOW rather than later.

In her TED Talk, she says that the brain’s second and final growth spurt occurs in a person’s twenties, so if there is something you want to change about yourself, now is the time to do it. One of Jay’s 20-something patients share that she was dating a guy that she knew was a bad match for her. Jay questions the patient on why she would date a guy she doesn’t see a future with. Sadly, most twenty-somethings waste their time on relationships that have no future because they are waiting until their thirties to settle down with “The One.” Meg Jay says that this is a serious problem because when people do this, they often end up settling for someone out of convenience when they hit that 30 mark because it’s “time” to get married. “The best time to start working on your marriage is before you have one,” says Jay. “And that means being as intentional with love as you are with work.”

The bottom line is do not wait to start thinking about your future and building towards the life you ultimately want to achieve. Second best shouldn’t be your final destination in your career or your love life. Take charge and take initiative, go get the life you want NOW because time is working against you and it’s time for you to start pushing back.

here’s the link to the TED Talk: