Trick or Treat: How to Tell if Your Relationship is Salty or Sweet

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Halloween is a coveted holiday for various reasons, but the most obvious is because it’s the one day of the year when you can be anyone you want to be. Who do you want to be this Halloween? Or more importantly, who do you want to be with this Halloween? The holiday comes with all sorts of fun things like sweets and hair dye, but it also brings out the goons and the goblins. So, how do you know if the person you are with is a sweet treat or a salty trick to watch out for?

Trick

  1. He refuses to do a couple costume with you
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    Couple costumes can be silly and most of the time absurd, but they are fun way of expressing your relationship to others! If he is totally against a couples costume then clearly he is insecure either in himself or the relationship, or possibly both. No one likes an insecure person especially on the one day of the year when the whole point is to get out of your comfort zone and be something silly! Couple costumes aren’t a must, but a good attitude and someone who is sure of himself and you absolutely is!
  2. He won’t share his candy
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    What? Are you storing your candy for winter? Stingy people are the worst kinds of people. Okay, I get it, candy is super awesome and we all want it for ourselves, but if your significant other can’t spare one Kit-Kat bar he’s totally salty and not worth your time. Trick or treat? Total trick; find someone who wants to give you all the Kit-Kat bars Hershey has to offer.
  3. He hates the holiday
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    It takes a special kind of person to hate the most fun holiday of the year. If he hates Halloween he is a total grouch. Sure, maybe there’s a possibility he has some personal issues with clowns or something, but REALLY do you hate the whole spirit that Halloween has to offer? Candy, cute kids, and dressing up are all fun things that even the grouchiest people love to participate in. So, if he hates Halloween he’s probably got a bad attitude, which quite frankly isn’t fun for anyone.

Treat

  1. He takes pride in his costume; silly or sexy
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    A guy that can laugh at himself is not only sexy, but it also shows that he is confident in himself and clearly has a sense of humor. BIG TREAT. If he can dress up as Pamela Anderson and insert some big balloons into his shirt, while wearing short shorts then he’s a keeper for sure.
  2. He thinks you look sexy even in your big SpongeBob costume
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    This is big. No girl wants to feel like she HAS to dress up as a Playboy bunny to please her man. If you want to dress up as a Playboy bunny, all the power to you. However, wanting to and feeling like you have to because he wouldn’t like it if you wore something baggy and unflattering are 2 different things. If he appreciates you dressing up as something absurd like Gandalf Grey from Lord of the Rings then he’s a total treat. He loves you for you and thinks you will look sexy in anything, including a beard.
  3. He’s great with the kids when he answers the door
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    Guys that are cute with kids are the best thing since sliced bread, am I right?! If he loves being silly and fun with the kids when they ring the doorbell then you know he’s doing something right. The way a guy is around children is a tell tale sign of how he will be not only as a father, but also as a husband. Keep him around this Halloween because he’s a total treat.

Happy Halloween from the team at Project Soulmate!

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By: Nicole Hartley

 

Love yourself first.

Love yourself first.

When thinking about your day to day life, what comes to the forefront? Your workload? Meeting a business partner? Trekking to a different neighborhood to see a friend? No matter what you are doing, do other people come first? This is commonplace in today’s society and sometimes it’s hard to remember to think about yourself. The phrase “self love is the best love” is true, but once you love yourself you can be open to loving others, and loving them wholeheartedly with no reservations. New York’s Elite Matchmakers think that loving yourself first will lead to extremely healthy and successful relationships. The best way to do this is make sure that you take care of yourself mind, body, and spirit.

If you find yourself hearing the phrase “treat yourself” and don’t know what that means… Here are a few tips to help you finding and accepting your best self.

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1. Add some personal time to your schedule. If you work everyday and are constantly booked with friends on the weekends, try penciling yourself in instead. Sundays are great days to relax and unwind. Grab a book or try a new hobby like writing a blog, running, or even knitting. It important to maintain your interests so that you don’t end up feeling burnt out.

2. Follow the aforementioned phrase and treat yourself. If you’ve has a long week and want Shake Shack for dinner instead of cooking… do it! Sometimes even diets need to be broken to feel full. There is no point in going through life constantly wanting more. Life is all about choices and it’s best not to overthink small things like this. If you want it, go get it.

3. Enjoy some ‘tech-free time’. Studies say that we should unplug at least one hour before going to bed to maximize the effectiveness of sleep. This seems almost impossible in today’s age where emails are flooding your inbox every minute and social media is more prevalent than ever. Make a conscious effort to put your phone down before bed and you will be grateful, so will your cell phone bill.

4. Find ways to destress. It can be as simple as looking out of your window, taking a 5 minute stretch at work, or working out. Try drinking tea before you go to bed, chamomile been proven to decrease mild anxiety! No matter what it is that you do, do it because you want to, not because you have to.

5. Start a gratitude jar! Everyday (or whenever you remember) write down something on a slip of paper that you are grateful for, or a positive thing that happened that day. At the end of the year you will have a collection of little happy things to remind you how great life can be everyday.

Relationship Experts Lori and Jenn feel that it is important love yourself before you can open up to others and find your potential soulmate. Accepting yourself as you are is the best way to live your happiest life.

BY: LILY DOERFLER

New York's Top Matchmakers

Girl Code. Synonymous with Guy Code. Urban dictionary defines this as: “the code of guidelines that are girls most obey in order not to get kicked out of the community”. Ideals are often mentioned by the cast of the well- known MTV show. Whether you believe in these guidelines or not, you are bound to run into people who do. Codes like this can foster a sense of community or tear people apart. New York’s Top Matchmakers agree that following this code will lead to better friendships and relationships. Here are some scenarios to help navigate the crazy world of being a woman.

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1. You and your friend are at a bar talking with a guy you just met. You think the one your friend is interested in is cute too. You…

A. Pretend like you don’t notice your friend is into him, you make your move.
B. Ask the cute guy to introduce you to some of his friends, why can’t you both have it all?
C. Go out on your own to find some new friends and give them some alone time.

The breakdown:If you answered A, good luck keeping that friend. Think more along the lines of ‘treat others the way you want to be treated’. If you chose B, you’re a good friend who is going to make the most out of this situation. There is nothing wrong with trying to make your night a little better, as long as you don’t ruin your friend’s fun. Picked C? You’re on the right track to making a good friend and finding a new guy.

 

2. You are looking to date again. It just so happens that the person of interest is the ex of your friend. You…
A. Pursue him, disregard that he has a history with your friend.
B. Find someone new to date!
C. Ask your friend if she would be okay with you getting to know him.

The breakdown:
Chose A? You’ve got some re-evaluating to do. If you choose the guy, especially without asking, you are guaranteed to be terminating your friendship and any level of respect that was once there. If you answered B, congratulations! You are a decent person. You’ve taken into account all of the potential issues and made the right choice. If C was your answer, I hope that you are not close friends. This is a sticky situation, if you feel like they really wouldn’t care, go ask. But, be wary that this may cause some problems down the line, whether they say it or not.

 

3. Your friend and her boyfriend broke up awhile ago and you would like to reach out as friends, he was always so fun to be around! You…
A. Realize this could have some negative consequences and leave it be.
B. Reach out, what’s the harm?
C. Ask your friend if she is comfortable with you reconnecting.

The breakdown:
If you chose A, you are very smart. No friend wants to be confronted about an ex when they are trying to move on. Picked B? Think again, friends will value you asking, it means you respect them. Some people do not show how much a breakup has affected them, and if you aren’t aware of this a bridge is likely to be burned in the process. You answered C… prepare for some potential awkwardness. Depending on how bad the breakup was, you could be landing yourself in some hot water for even asking.

 

Bottom line:
When in doubt, always ask. Mutual respect is the building block for any great friendship and breaking that down will have a negative affect on your relationshipNew York Dating can be hard, we get that but don’t mess with ex’s if you want to keep your friendship intact. Good friendships will lead to better intimate relationships. Above all, treat others the way you want to be treated and life will be a breeze.

 

BY: LILY DOERFLER

5 Things Men Look For in a Woman

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  1. Confidence
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    Just as women look for confidence in their man, a man loves to see that a woman has confidence in herself. Confidence is attractive and sexy because it shows a guy that you know what you want not only for yourself, but also from others. Men want to know that a woman has faith in herself and in the them because it shows them that you are confident in the relationship and its future.
  2. Independence
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    Every man loves a woman that can hold her own. He wants to know that you want him, but you don’t necessarily need to rely on him. Independence is key to any relationship because it is important to have your own hobbies and interests in order to maintain a healthy and stable relationship. In other words, he doesn’t want you clinging to him every second of the day to do things with you. The last thing anyone should be in a relationship is needy, so be independent because at the end of the day it’s good for both of you and will lead to a healthier, long-lasting relationship.
  3. A Challenge
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    Everyone loves a challenge, especially men. It is endearing to a man when he has to work to try to figure a woman out. Men love to learn more about a woman as the relationship progresses, so don’t air out all your dirty laundry on the first couple of dates; make him wait for it. He wants to know that there is more to you than he already knows, and there probably is, so tell him at the right time not just any time. So, ladies give him a challenge and leave him wanting more both intellectually and physically.
  4. Complexity
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    Just like anything in life, it’s important to be versatile and good at many things. Men like to know that their woman is a bunch of women rolled into one. He doesn’t just want you to be smart or just hard working. He wants you to be smart, hardworking, cute, and caring all in one. Now, I’m not saying that you have to be superwoman, but every woman has multiple interesting personality traits and habits, and he wants to see that versatility in you. You have many strengths, so show him that.
  5. A Good Attitude
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    Above all, every guy loves a woman who has a good attitude. Men love a woman who is fun, positive, and who love to do things. No one wants to be with someone who is always in a bad mood or negative about things because quite frankly, it’s no fun. Obviously everyone has bad times and times where they simply need to be grumpy, but being grumpy and being a grump are two different things. Someone once told me, “A positive attitude changes everything,” and there is nothing more true. If you go into something thinking you are going to succeed or have a positive attitude about it, I can almost guarantee you the outcome will be a good one. So, if you want your relationship to succeed, have a positive attitude, there’s nothing like it.

By: Nicole Hartley

 

 

How To Learn From Every Date

“We met for a reason, either you’re a blessing or a lesson”

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Everyone who walks into your life can teach you something new. Although dating takes time and effort, we can learn from each date we go on. We learn our preferences and what we can tolerate, and we discover things about ourselves that we wouldn’t have known if we didn’t go on that date with the guy in the band who wouldn’t stop talking in lyrics and brought a sandwich to the bar in his backpack…

This applies to bad dates and past relationships. When we meet someone we automatically try to figure them out. We make judgments based on first impressions but there is so much more to a person besides their clothes and hairstyle. Going on dates teaches you to be more open and willing to get to know people for who they actually are before writing them off. Also, going on dates opens you up to new restaurants, activities and cool bars that you would not have know about if you hadn’t gone on the date. And, if the date was bad, you now have a new spot to bring all of your friends next time you want to change it up.

We can also learn a lot from failed relationships, whether they ended on decent terms or it was the World War III of breakups, there is always a silver lining. And I know that sounds cheesy, but it’s true. When you go through a horrible breakup, you reflect on all the things that went wrong and the way things should have been handled. Regardless of whether it was your fault or your significant other’s, you now know how to handle those issues in the way you wish you had.

No matter how toxic or how simply uninterested you were, you learn what you like and what you don’t like, what you want and what you don’t want, and what’s important and what’s not important. You learn about yourself and there is nothing more valuable.

The phrase goes, you have to kiss a few frogs before you find the one. And that one may be right around the corner. So take the date! Unless there is a blaring reason not to, have an exciting night out with someone you just met. You just might actually find a keeper in the crowd.

By Alexia Chicles