It’s the question that has been haunting women since the emergence of the dating culture, “Is it too soon for sex?”
Megan thinks she knows the answer. You know Megan. She’s an old friend, a friend every gal has. That one friend who thinks she is a relationship guru because she has watched all six seasons of Sex and the City. Megan likes to think of first-time sex as a mathematical equation: Nice guy + job security x 4 dates = perfect timing. As if something as sticky as sex and love can be satisfied with a calculator…
It all sounds great on paper but it can’t be translated into the real world because no two men are the same. Can we ever really know when it’s appropriate to get inappropriate?
In this 24/7 world, defining quick can be sort of challenge. Even with high-speed internet access, express shipping, and microwave ovens, we are consistently searching for the fastest route possible. This is especially true when you’re talking about dating in New York.
Moving “fast” can come naturally for some and it’s not a bad thing; just have caution. Having sex earlier on may be a turn-off for both parties. This may give off the impression of irresponsibility, lack of self-control, and won’t leave any room for the imagination moving forward. However, there are also consequences for waiting “too long”. If your partner becomes impatient they may lose interest in furthering a relationship. With a double edged-sword like this one which one of us can escape injury?
Our relationship expert Lori Zaslow says, instead of asking ourselves how long should we wait we should ask how comfortable do we feel around this person. We need to quit thinking that we can come up with definitive rules for dating. Waiting to text back, waiting to lean in for a kiss….Wait to get to know the person, that’s it! Don’t wait because society says so. Wait because you aren’t ready.
There is no right or wrong answer to the original question: is it too soon for sex? because time is relative. If you feel safe letting another person inside your heart and your mind (and the feeling is mutual) then you are probably ready to get intimate. If we break down sex to its simplest form isn’t that what it is: allowing someone to be inside of you and to connect with you. If you are ready for that level of intimacy, a time constraint will do nothing but ruin the organic flow of the relationship.
On the other hand, if you are not ready to reach that level of intimacy than go at your own pace. Whether it be a month or a year, just listen to your gut. When you are ready you’ll feel it like hunger for flesh you didn’t even know you craved. Frankly, no man or woman wants a partner who is self-conscious about having sex. They don’t want you to doubt or worry. He or she will want you to be ready so that you can both enjoy it.
The decision is ultimately yours; will you allow your love life to be governed by time or by passion?
Christina Madera
