We all have that one friend that’s obsessed with finding her Prince Charming, but can’t seem to because she acts completely different when it comes to men. In the meantime, you and all your other girlfriends are sick and tired of hearing about it because you know she has the same awful dating patterns for each guy she comes across. Sometimes it’s difficult for your friend to look past the idea of love and realize the mistakes she’s making. When it comes down to it, she needs a friend like you to help her realize how awesome she is, and that she doesn’t need to be subjecting herself to all these stupid guys! Here are some things you can say to her to make her stand up for herself in relationships and put the best foot forward when it comes to dating.
- Be more confident. When he compliments you, accept it. Men are interested in women who are independent and self-aware. But more importantly, you should be confident in yourself aside from the fact that it’s attractive. If you aren’t sure of how great you are, how do you expect someone else to believe it?
- Understand that your needs are just as important as his. In a new relationship, it’s easy to drop all of our responsibilities and priorities for our new man. But this is just extremely unrealistic, and it’s a set up for disaster. Many girls enter a new relationship and shift all of their focus to the new guys in their lives. It’s important to remember: the things that we were once juggling before should still have a place in our lives, and that a relationship is only meant to enhance all of these things. Things as important as work or school obligations, all the way down to precious, much-needed alone time, should not be forgotten about just because a new person walked in the door.
- You’re allowed to ask for things. If you feel that the guy you’re seeing is not delivering in any aspect, you’re allowed to make it known. When you first started talking he made all of these great promises, and you’ve yet to see him own up to these. It’s annoying, and his actions are not meeting your expectations. Tell him this. The only way it’s going to change is if you communicate that you are unhappy.
- It’s okay to have an opinion. Don’t just give him the answer you think he wants to hear. If you disagree, say it. Not only does this show that you can form your own opinion, but it gives you a real conversation to have. Pick your favorite place to eat for once and show him you can make a decision. Also, a healthy amount of debate gives strength to a conversation and a relationship. If you’re just going to agree with everything he has to say, what’s the point of even having the conversation?
- Be yourself. If you’re still in the stages of getting to know each other, only ask questions you genuinely want the answers to. And in return, provide him with the most honest answers you can give. Starting a relationship off by handing the phone to your friend to answer texts for you, so that you can give the wittiest response, will only result in confusion when it comes to the relationship further down the line. If you don’t think his joke is funny, you don’t have to laugh. Just be true to yourself, and talk to him the way you would with anyone else that you already know.
- Don’t make excuses for his awful behavior. Time and time again he has ditched you on date night, or shoots you a text the day of like “I totally forgot I have a…” Or maybe he’s now your boyfriend, and his phone just conveniently dies at every one of his Guys Night Out. Listen. These men are not worth your time, energy, attention, or effort. You don’t deserve to be dragged around by someone who is going to constantly make excuses, and in turn you should not be defending him or his actions! Relationships are based on honest communication, and with that comes the effort to see you and talk to you. He should be putting in this effort.
- You don’t owe anyone anything. At the end of the day, you are your number one priority. If you aren’t happy in the relationship, leave. If you feel like he’s being aggressive and pushy, stand up for yourself. If he keeps ditching you, tell him how you feel. You don’t owe anyone anything.
Erin Infelice