We grow up dreaming of love at first sight. We hear stories of our grandparents locking eyes across the bar and our parents meeting each other at a mutual friend’s housewarming. However, in the modern age, can we expect to find “love at first sight,” or do we need to put in the work to find this special someone?
The first step in uncovering this mystery is to question the validity of these “love at first sight” stories. I asked accomplished Dr. Ilene Zisk-Coopersmith, who has been married for over 55 years, about her thoughts on the matter: “Circumstances led you together. Two people form a union, grow together, and make a life together. There is no such thing as loving someone the first second you meet them. Your generation has their expectations too high. They see Hollywood movies and expect that. That is not real life. That is not a relationship. I think first impressions can be dangerous. They are based on chemical attraction, but marriage is based on partnership.”
It is easy to look back on the past and romanticize what really took place, whether that is embellishing the feelings you felt or romanticizing the circumstances under which you met. These expectations are not realistic. However, there is a side of modern dating that many people do not like to acknowledge—the playboy epidemic. People are no longer taught to find the right person and settle down. The message that plagues Gen Z: “You’re young, have fun.”
While this message is spreading across Gen Z, we still have our romantics, the girls who sit in bed on a Saturday night watching How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, Clueless, or literally Love at First sight. These gurls tend to develope unrealistic expectation that no man will ever be able to meet. Read more about the bad dating advice in RomComs here.
We grow up dreaming of love at first sight. We hear stories of our grandparents locking eyes across the bar and our parents meeting each other at a mutual friend’s housewarming. However, in the modern age, can we expect to find “love at first sight,” or do we need to put in the work to find this special someone?
The first step in uncovering this mystery is to question the validity of these “love at first sight” stories. I asked accomplished Dr. Ilene Zisk-Coopersmith, who has been married for over 55 years, about her thoughts on the matter: “Circumstances led you together. Two people form a union, grow together, and make a life together. There is no such thing as loving someone the first second you meet them. Your generation has their expectations too high. They see Hollywood movies and expect that. That is not real life. That is not a relationship. I think first impressions can be dangerous. They are based on chemical attraction, but marriage is based on partnership.”
It is easy to look back on the past and romanticize what really took place, whether that is embellishing the feelings you felt or romanticizing the circumstances under which you met. These expectations are not realistic. However, there is a side of modern dating that many people do not like to acknowledge—the playboy epidemic. People are no longer taught to find the right person and settle down. The message that plagues Gen Z: “You’re young, have fun.”
Many people embark on the adventure of online dating expecting to find a community of people who are serious about finding a life partner, only to find the exact opposite; they are looking to find a one-night stand. Many romantics in the modern age feel lost; they feel like they were born in the wrong generation (if you are looking to find people who are serious about dating look here). With Snapchat allowing you to snap as many people as you want at once, the genuine connection that can only be built by focusing your time and energy on that ONE special someone is lost. In addition, people have unrealistic expectations about what their partner should look like because of all the “perfect” people they see on Instagram.
In essence, while “love at first sight” is not a realistic expectation, it is valid to say that finding that special someone in the modern age is significantly more challenging.
So, if you are looking for a serious relationship, what can you do?
First, protect yourself. Although you may feel like no one wants a genuine relationship anymore, that is not true, and the people who actually want a relationship often don’t put themselves out there as much for the same reasons you don’t. Make sure you look for signs that the person might only be looking for a good time:
- They only text you late at night.
- They ask you to hang out at one of your places but never go on a real date.
- They avoid personal questions and talking about themselves.
- They send mixed signals about their intentions or future plans together, leaving the other person unsure about where they stand.
- They have a pattern of short-term relationships or flings rather than long-term commitments.
Second, when talking to someone new, be upfront about your intentions without scaring someone away. Instead of saying things like “I want to get married,” you may opt for a sentiment like “I am looking for someone I can get along with and build a connection with. We can see where that takes us.”
All in all, finding a meaningful relationship in the modern world requires patience, discernment, and a willingness to navigate through the complexities of contemporary dating. While the landscape may have changed, genuine connections are still possible with the right approach and mindset. Remember, it’s about finding someone who values you for who you are and shares your vision for the future—a journey worth taking step by step.
