Dating in NYC: The Struggle of Second Guessing Yourself

In a day and age where beauty is perceived differently every day and trends go out just as quickly as they come in, it is easy to second guess ourselves, making it almost inevitable that we second guess ourselves when we are trying to find love in New York City, or anywhere for that matter. Sure, there are those confident, poised people out there who don’t have a doubt in the world about the way they approach things, but not everyone can be that self-assured.
When it comes to someone who is frequently second-guessing herself, new relationships can be a huge anxiety trigger. With a budding relationship, we feel the need to say the perfect, clever thing at the right time or wear the outfit that gives the exact vibe that we want to exude on the first date.

 
Relationships are supposed to make us nervous. We’re supposed to get the butterflies and be eager to find out what’s going to happen next. The unknowns of relationships inevitably trigger overthinking and second guessing that will drive you crazy. Just know that in the grand scheme of things, what you’re obsessing over is likely a much smaller deal than you think, and being comfortable being yourself will save you loads of unnecessary stress and bring you closer to finding love in New York City.

 
For example, in today’s fast-paced, tech-oriented world, a new relationship is likely to be filled with casual back-and-forth texting. While texting is a good way to keep in touch throughout a busy day, its lack of intonation can lead to miscommunication. Those of us who second guess ourselves may think that responding too quickly may seem desperate, or that we have to concoct the perfect response to avoid being looked at as crazy/weird/rude/etc. In reality, if this relationship has a future, you (and your significant other) aren’t going to worry about how responding immediately is going to come off, and the witty joke you want to make will be something that make your significant other smile throughout his/her mundane day.

 
We also tend to second guess ourselves when deciding how to present ourselves. Let’s say your best friend decides to play matchmaker and sets you up with a new guy. You panic the night of the date and swear (like you have a thousand other times) that you have NOTHING to wear that will make the right impression. Sure, first dates, especially when you’ve never met the guy, tend to be nerve racking. But just think- if you do hit it off and spark a romance, sooner rather than later it will not make a difference to him whether he sees you in a little black dress with sky high heels or your favorite jeans and go-to top on your night out, he’ll just be looking forward to seeing you. Not to say you shouldn’t want to get dolled up for him, but the sooner you’re comfortable in your own skin around him, the sooner he’ll be comfortable with the real you.

 
We need to take a step back and realize that it’s okay not be perfect. To not always say the perfect thing at the perfect time and to not always be flawless. Perfect gets boring, but being yourself creates a dynamic aspect in your relationship that is likely to keep the ball rolling and, if all goes well, lead to something great.

 

BY: Nicole D’Amato

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