Age differences in dating and relationships – how many years is too many years?

2013-07-31 post

It is a tale as old as time, older men and female cougars on the hunt for a much younger partner. Mrs. Robinson did it, Donald trump did it, even Demi Moore did it. But how many years difference is too many years? And what are the pros and cons to a large age difference? One of our Project Soulmate matchmakers, Lori, and our intern, Nick, weigh in on this topic and the effects that age differences may have on a relationship.

Lori: Age gaps can absolutely work as long as two people look age appropriate. Members of my own family are in relationships with age gaps of over a decade long and they are very happy. With that said, if people are questioning whether or not the man on your arm is your father or grandfather, then you have a problem. The main problem with an age gap though is the generation gap that it can create. In this case interests and knowledge are different and many commonalities that bring people close together are lost.

Nick: When beginning a relationship, one of the most frequently asked questions by peers and family is, “How old are they?” From personal experience, I have realized that if you are young and want to date older, you must be realistic AND honest with yourself. Youth in age may not be youth in experience. If you are an old soul, it isn’t a bad idea to date older. And if you are a young soul then you may be inclined to date younger which can keep you on your toes…

Personally, I have always been more interested in older men. The one serious relationship I had with someone my age was a disaster because my partner was incredibly immature and showed a lack of good judgment. This relationship taught me a lot about what I wanted in my next relationship; I needed someone older and way more mature. Say you are 22 years old and meet someone who is 28 but get along extremely well and have amazing chemistry. Even if you continue to hangout and develop well, there might be some insecurities that come along with dating someone older which could get in the way. A six-year difference can mean you are both in different spots in your life. At 22 you can still be figuring yourself out and it can be a serious step to jump into a relationship with someone who has 6 years of experience on you. But, there are many positives as well with someone older. Usually if you are doing this, you know what you are looking for and are attracted to maturity and someone who is successful. Chemistry comes in many different waves and if you have it with someone age really doesn’t matter in my opinion, as long as you are older than 21.


by Jenni Jacobs





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