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Will he go the distance?

When embarking on a new relationship, the question is posed.. where should you meet? Relationship Experts Lori and Jenn suggest meeting at a location that is as close to an equal travel distance as possible. This will allow for a neutral location and start the date off on an even playing field. If you come all the way to him, it will eliminate the chase.

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Men love the chase. If a woman travels all the way to the man (especially for the first date) the man will not have to put in ANY work. This could lead to you being much more interested than he is. Does this sound like something you would do? Think about past relationships… were you the one making all the decisions and consistently in charge? It’s time to let this old habit go and let the man lead the way. This will set the stage for a healthy relationship.

If he comes all the way to you… congrats, this guy could be a keeper. It’s important to remember that you ARE worth their time and energy. If they are willing to travel an hour downtown to meet you, let them. This shows commitment right off the bat. It will set the tone for a good potential relationship. However, there is nothing wrong with returning the favor later on down the road. As I always say, relationships are a two way street. If you are blindly meeting someone online or unsure about this person, make sure you meet halfway so there is no option to come back with you.

So you’ve figured out the area… Now where should you meet?

Meet up for a quick drink! You will know on first sight if there is chemistry there. If it isn’t, this quick date will make it easy to leave if you aren’t feeling it.
Grab a bite to eat and have dinner together, go enjoy the changing of the seasons with a walk around the park! Anything that will allow for stimulating conversation is a good choice. Going to the movies or meeting to go to a friends party will not truly allow you to see if a connection is there.

     Dating in NYC can be hard, especially with subways, taxis, and traffic involved. However, keep in mind that if both people put in the effort to make a relationship work, there is a much greater chance that it will end in happiness! Who knows…. your next date could be your soulmate!

 

BY: LILY DOERFLER

New York's Top Matchmakers

Girl Code. Synonymous with Guy Code. Urban dictionary defines this as: “the code of guidelines that are girls most obey in order not to get kicked out of the community”. Ideals are often mentioned by the cast of the well- known MTV show. Whether you believe in these guidelines or not, you are bound to run into people who do. Codes like this can foster a sense of community or tear people apart. New York’s Top Matchmakers agree that following this code will lead to better friendships and relationships. Here are some scenarios to help navigate the crazy world of being a woman.

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1. You and your friend are at a bar talking with a guy you just met. You think the one your friend is interested in is cute too. You…

A. Pretend like you don’t notice your friend is into him, you make your move.
B. Ask the cute guy to introduce you to some of his friends, why can’t you both have it all?
C. Go out on your own to find some new friends and give them some alone time.

The breakdown:If you answered A, good luck keeping that friend. Think more along the lines of ‘treat others the way you want to be treated’. If you chose B, you’re a good friend who is going to make the most out of this situation. There is nothing wrong with trying to make your night a little better, as long as you don’t ruin your friend’s fun. Picked C? You’re on the right track to making a good friend and finding a new guy.

 

2. You are looking to date again. It just so happens that the person of interest is the ex of your friend. You…
A. Pursue him, disregard that he has a history with your friend.
B. Find someone new to date!
C. Ask your friend if she would be okay with you getting to know him.

The breakdown:
Chose A? You’ve got some re-evaluating to do. If you choose the guy, especially without asking, you are guaranteed to be terminating your friendship and any level of respect that was once there. If you answered B, congratulations! You are a decent person. You’ve taken into account all of the potential issues and made the right choice. If C was your answer, I hope that you are not close friends. This is a sticky situation, if you feel like they really wouldn’t care, go ask. But, be wary that this may cause some problems down the line, whether they say it or not.

 

3. Your friend and her boyfriend broke up awhile ago and you would like to reach out as friends, he was always so fun to be around! You…
A. Realize this could have some negative consequences and leave it be.
B. Reach out, what’s the harm?
C. Ask your friend if she is comfortable with you reconnecting.

The breakdown:
If you chose A, you are very smart. No friend wants to be confronted about an ex when they are trying to move on. Picked B? Think again, friends will value you asking, it means you respect them. Some people do not show how much a breakup has affected them, and if you aren’t aware of this a bridge is likely to be burned in the process. You answered C… prepare for some potential awkwardness. Depending on how bad the breakup was, you could be landing yourself in some hot water for even asking.

 

Bottom line:
When in doubt, always ask. Mutual respect is the building block for any great friendship and breaking that down will have a negative affect on your relationshipNew York Dating can be hard, we get that but don’t mess with ex’s if you want to keep your friendship intact. Good friendships will lead to better intimate relationships. Above all, treat others the way you want to be treated and life will be a breeze.

 

BY: LILY DOERFLER

How To Learn From Every Date

“We met for a reason, either you’re a blessing or a lesson”

happy date

Everyone who walks into your life can teach you something new. Although dating takes time and effort, we can learn from each date we go on. We learn our preferences and what we can tolerate, and we discover things about ourselves that we wouldn’t have known if we didn’t go on that date with the guy in the band who wouldn’t stop talking in lyrics and brought a sandwich to the bar in his backpack…

This applies to bad dates and past relationships. When we meet someone we automatically try to figure them out. We make judgments based on first impressions but there is so much more to a person besides their clothes and hairstyle. Going on dates teaches you to be more open and willing to get to know people for who they actually are before writing them off. Also, going on dates opens you up to new restaurants, activities and cool bars that you would not have know about if you hadn’t gone on the date. And, if the date was bad, you now have a new spot to bring all of your friends next time you want to change it up.

We can also learn a lot from failed relationships, whether they ended on decent terms or it was the World War III of breakups, there is always a silver lining. And I know that sounds cheesy, but it’s true. When you go through a horrible breakup, you reflect on all the things that went wrong and the way things should have been handled. Regardless of whether it was your fault or your significant other’s, you now know how to handle those issues in the way you wish you had.

No matter how toxic or how simply uninterested you were, you learn what you like and what you don’t like, what you want and what you don’t want, and what’s important and what’s not important. You learn about yourself and there is nothing more valuable.

The phrase goes, you have to kiss a few frogs before you find the one. And that one may be right around the corner. So take the date! Unless there is a blaring reason not to, have an exciting night out with someone you just met. You just might actually find a keeper in the crowd.

By Alexia Chicles