Posts

Relationship Bods: Don’t be a Victim

Relationship Bod

Ah, the honeymoon stage… A time for countless amounts of sex; dinner, lunch, and brunch dates everyday; and movie nights in with big bottles of wine for two. Oh and you might not notice it now, but it’s also the time for you to gain about 10-20 extra pounds in all the wrong places! We call it: The Relationship Bod.

I like to think of the honeymoon stage of your relationship like your freshman year of college. It freakin’ rocks, but you don’t notice all the weight you’re putting on. Eventually, whether it’s your junior year of college or your last, you start to realize (and you start majorly regretting) all those late night pizza orders, and 12 packs of beer you finished in an hour are catching up to you. The same happens with your relationship. You start out super excited and happy that you finally have someone to explore all those New York restaurants with. And your pumped that on weekends you get to just snuggle in bed all day, rather than go out and try to meet new people. Unfortunately, just like the 12 packs you downed freshman year of college, these new habits from your relationship will start taking a toll on your body, too.

The question is what do you do now that you’re realizing you have fallen victim to the dreaded Relationship Bod?? Project Soulmate has some ideas. The best trend going on right now is the development of tons of hip new workout studios like aerial yoga, or cross fit training facilities. A great idea would be to have you and your boyfriend/girlfriend join together. Maybe have some friendly competition, and in no time you two will be back to being babes. Another idea from our professional matchmakers is to start cooking your own meals. There are so many videos circulating Facebook right now with healthy meals that are easy to make (especially with two people) and look absolutely delicious. Not only does this help improve your health, but it makes your wallet happier, too.

So, yes, it is great that you’ve finally found love in New York City with someone who thinks you are beautiful no matter what, but that doesn’t mean you should just give up on yourself!! According to our relationship expert’s, one key to a long lasting, healthy relationship is pleasing and impressing your partner everyday. Give our tips a try, and if you ever need any more advice, Project Soulmate is always open to help!

 

Emily Stovall

What Not to Do: Bad Dating Advice from RomComs

RomCom’s ya gotta love em… right? I mean how could you not, they are cute, funny, and end happily ever after! The downside to these great movies is that they are incredibly unrealistic!! Here’s a list of a few of the best romantic comedies with the advice they give, and with the advice you really want from the Project Soulmate Love Experts:

1.)

Bad Dating Advice from RomComs“Forgetting Sarah Marshall” – Jason Segal, Mila Kunis, and Kristen Bell it’s like the perfect trifecta, but it’s definitely not the perfect advice.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall’s Advice: Follow your ex-girlfriend to Hawaii, meet a perfect new girl, but then still sleep with your ex-girlfriend to “for sure” no you’re over her while hurting the perfect new girl you met in the process.

Project Soulmate’s Advice: Don’t jump into a new relationship until you are definitely over your last. It saves a lot of people from getting their feelings hurt!

 

2.)

Bad Dating Advice from RomComs“Bridesmaids” – Kristen Wig and Maya Rudolph, need we say more?? The movie is absolutely hilarious, but in terms of relationships and friendships… It’s probably not the best movie to get advice from!

“Bridesmaids” Advice: Get super jealous of your best friends new engagement that you ruin each engagement party, and pretend like the one guy trying to help you is making things worse

Project Soulmate’s Advice: Talk it out. Talk to your best friend about your frustrations, and talk to the new guy in your life. This way they both know why you might be acting crazy or flipping out on them!

 

3.)

Bad Dating Advice from RomComs“Ten Things I Hate About You” – A freakin’ Classic! Heath Ledger (love) and Julia Stiles make a great match, but there were some definite humps they had to go through before the happily ever after couple you see at the end…

“Ten Things I Hate About You” Advice: Agree to go out with the “loser” sister for money just so another random guy can go out with the “popular” sister. Ah don’t you just love finding out that the guy dating you is only doing it for money?? Me too!!

Project Soulmate’s Advice: When a seemingly random guy is all of a sudden super into you… do your research. And if in the end, you do find out he had some ulterior motives, decide for yourself if they are something you could get over.

 

4.)

Bad Dating Advice from RomComs“Knocked Up” – Katherine Heigl and Seth Rogan make an unusual couple, but it seems to work… of course this is just a movie. Which leads us to the super unrealistic advice viewers get from this movie…….

“Knocked Up” Advice: Get drunk, sleep with someone, decide not to use a condom, get pregnant, but decide the two of you can work it out in the long run.

Project Soulmate’s Advice: First of all, probably just always wear a condom for a random late night hook up. Second of all, don’t think just because you got pregnant with a random hookup you guys need to force a relationship. Sometimes the best mommy-daddy relationships are ones where the mommy and daddy aren’t even together!

 

5.)

Bad Dating Advice from RomComs“The Proposal” – Honestly any movie Sandra Bullock is in is a win for me, but it doesn’t always mean they’re realistic and I take all my dating advice from it.

“The Proposal” Advice: Avoid getting your citizenship forms completed until you are (almost) forced to be deported back to Canada. Then decide to marry your assistant just so you can keep your job and stay in the country. Genius!

Project Soulmate’s Advice: Keep your visas and all other forms required up to date, so you aren’t forced to marry someone you barely know just to remain in the country. Try going on regular dates before jumping into a proposal!!

 

6.)

Bad Dating Advice from RomComs“Her” – Probably one of the weirdest movies I’ve seen in a while, but Scarlett Johansson does make a great computer voice!

“Her” Advice: Avoid real-life dating at all costs. Don’t even socialize or have sex with real-life people because a computer can give you everything you need.

Project Soulmate’s Advice: GO ON DATES. MEET REAL PEOPLE. PUT YOUR COMPUTER AND OTHER ELECTRONIC DEVICES DOWN AND ACTUALLY TALK TO REAL PEOPLE. Wow sorry, just really passionate about the fact that if you want to actually meet someone to spend your life with, you need to actually dedicate some real life, quality time to those people; and maybe give people a chance that you wouldn’t usually.

 

Moral of the story: Don’t ever stop watching Romcom’s because they offer some needed comic relief to a tough thing we call “love.” Just remember to not take everything they say or do seriously!

 

Emily Stovall

How to Find the Cheater

How to Find the Cheater

Have you been noticing some shady things your boyfriend’s been doing lately? Like changing his pass code… deleting texts… or even blowing off plans? Well I know you might not want to admit it, but your boyfriend sounds like a cheater.

The absolute worst thing to happen in a relationship, is to find out your significant other has been cheating on you. So wouldn’t you like to find out sooner, rather than later? Project Soulmate thinks so. We think you shouldn’t waste your time on someone who is clearly not as invested in the relationship as you are. We know most people are genuine, and not cheaters, but on the off chance that you happen to be dating a scummy-mc-scummers, our relationship experts have come up with some clues for you to look out for.

Let’s start with some obvious red flags: you notice he’s been deleting text messages. I’m not talking about if he’s been doing this the whole time you’ve know him, and he’s just doing it to save space; I’m talking about the guy who has recently started. And for some reason, he really doesn’t want anyone seeing these mysterious text messages. Obviously we don’t condone “snooping” because that shows a lack of trust and disrespect for personal privacy, so our love experts suggest that maybe the first thing you should do is to ask him upfront. If he answers quickly, and doesn’t seem nervous, then I’m sure you’re fine; if not, though, then you might’ve found yourself a cheater.

The next obvious is that they are frequently blowing off plans. Your boyfriend/girlfriend should want to spend time with you, and hopefully in a healthy relationship, they should want to spend about as much time with you as you do with them. So even if he’s not cheating, and is just blowing off plans because he’s “had enough of you for the week,” it’s probably time to dump him anyways. But, if he is cheating, blowing off plans is a definite sign. He might have some great excuse, but more than three or four times seems a little fishy to me. Start asking the real questions like a blunt “Are you cheating on me” and see what he can come up with.

How to Find the Cheater

Sometimes it’s not so easy to see, though, so then you get dragged along in a yearlong relationship only to find out from a friend who saw him out with another girl last night. We don’t want that to happen, I can already see the embarrassment of finding out that way, and it’s killing me. So if you’re already starting to feel like he might be cheating, but you aren’t noticing any “obvious” signs, maybe pay attention to some of these… The first is that out of nowhere he seems to be caring a lot more about his appearance when he’s going to work or just going to hang out with friends. This could mean he’s been buying nicer clothes to wear, or has even begun working out a lot more to get his body in shape. Another sign might be that he has started being overly attentive towards you or started giving you gifts unexpectedly when he’s never done that before. This can sometimes be a sign of guilt, and he’s trying to balance out the fact that he’s been cheating.

The best advice Project Soulmate can give you if you feel like your man or your girl is cheating on you is to ask them upfront. You can get a lot from their answer just by how nervous they may get, how quickly they may try to change the subject, or even if they try to immediately put the blame back on you. If you are feeling “iffy” about your relationship, whether it’s because your significant other is cheating or not, maybe the most important thing to do is to look at the big picture and realize that a happy, healthy relationship won’t have any doubts at all and it could be time to move on.

If after checking out these clues, and unfortunately discovering your significant other has been cheating, then don’t worry. The world is not over, and I can promise you there is someone else out there willing to treat you like the queen you are. Project Soulmate is just here to help you weed out the bad cookies, and to help you find the good ones. Relationships are our forte, and happy, healthy ones are our favorite!

 

Emily Stovall

Marriage: Told by Three Generations

Successful Marriage
In the midst of this 21st century world of dating in New York and marriages, it seems so common for people to break-up or get divorced. But why? I’ve been trying to figure out why this seems to happen so frequently now a days because 1. It’s interesting, and 2. I want to avoid it happening to me! So I thought it would be cool for the relationship experts over at Project Soulmate to see how three different generations would answer this simple question: What are five things that make a successful marriage?

I asked this question to my sister who has recently been married, to my mother who has been married to my dad for 27 years, and to my grandma who was married to my grandpa for 57 years until his passing. Now I’m not saying any of them are relationship experts, but they’ve definitely got some experience under their belt. I was not sure what kind of responses I would get, if they’d be identical or drastically different, but I thought that either way it could give some insight into the difficult world of marriage. So here are their answers, word for word. Check them out and see what you think; I mean I might’ve just hacked the secret for a long-lasting marriage

Successful Marriage

Celeste – 26 Years Old, Newlywed

  1. Communication
  2. Doing things together, but also having alone time
  3. Supporting one another’s goals
  4. Being able to make the other laugh, like singing “fireflies” by Owl City
  5. SEX

Tara – 54 Years Old, Married for 27 Years and Counting

  1. Take Care of yourself/stay in shape/exercise; and if you are a stay at home mom, still fix your hair and put on your makeup
  2. Send gifts/flowers etc. to his work or place of business, just because, not because you are apologizing for something
  3. Have time separate from each other – encourage guy trips/girl trips with friends
  4. When it comes to household finances get and stay on the same page
  5. Sit down to dinner together whenever possible… Even if it means eating at odd times
  6. Always have time for him, ask yourself; “If my best friend form high school walked in the door, would I be too tiredSuccesful Marriage to do something with her?”

Marietta – 79 Years Old, Married for 57 Years

  1. Have to be agreeable when raising your children, when you punish them and everything
  2. Considerate of each other, not selfish
  3. Have to love each other
  4. Willing to wait on them, to take care of them in sickness or in health
  5. Go to church together

 

After going through their answers, they did seem to be very different, but also had some general things that matched. For example, they all agree that communication is very important, whether it is about finances or raising kids, you and your hubby/wifey need to communicate and be on the same page. Another one that stuck out most to me, was how important it is to make time for one another, and to definitely not be selfish when it comes to your relationship. It might seem ridiculous, and there’s clearly no science behind it, but I think these tips could be really useful. If nothing else, I can assure you that these people, no matter how long it’s been, are still very in love; so that’s enough science for me!

The first thing on your agenda, though, is finding the guy/girl to even consider for marriage. And Project Soulmate knows just how to find them!!

 

Emily Stovall

Online Dating Genius: Cool Vacay, But I Don't Care

Online Dating Genius: The Travel Pics

Welcome to #6 of Online Dating Genius: A blog series brought to you by the online dating experts at your favorite NYC Matchmaking Service, Project Soulmate! Each post we will reveal another “do-not” in the world of online dating.

As usual, if you online date, you will relate!

Online Dating Genius: Cool Vacay, But I Don't Care

So, what is on the agenda this week? Hopefully not uploading too many pictures from your vacation to your online dating profile.

Picture this: the girl of your dreams has just gone through about 20 different online dating profiles, and after reading what each had to say about themselves (yes guys, females actually read every word), 8 stick out most and you made the cut! Problem is, on paper all 8 of you seem pretty similar because you each fit the criteria she entered into the search bar. Now she has to determine who she really wants to meet. How will she go about doing that? The same way you make that decision, from the photos! Luckily you have already passed the hard part – a really well written profile – but will she find you attractive enough? Will your pics make or break her decision?  Here is where your one-too-many vacation pics become a huge problem for your online dating profile.

Sure we all think your 30 day excursion to Hong Kong was awesome, you seem very worldly and fun to be with and we’re all really jealous, but (1) stop rubbing it in, and (2) did we really need 20 pics of your trip while we still barely know what your face looks like?! Are you offering Hong Kong itself? You can see the problem here. The tiebreaker between Other Guy and You has just been broken and you lost. Girl Of Your Dreams could not figure out what you look like and to make matters worse, now she thinks you are weird for posting all those random pics.

We’re not saying cut them out completely; sometimes they give your dating profile a little character and can set you apart. Just limit them to maybe one or two and ideally, you are in them. If not, include a caption about why that moment stood out to you. Show her who you are.  Either way, you must have a variety of good pics of yourself in the mix.

In the future, try to keep in mind that this is a dating website and not a social media website or Trip Advisor. People are looking for a potential date and often for the love of their life, not a travel agent. Why not show off all of your favorite vacation pictures after you and your new date get a little closer? Impress her by “friending” her on Facebook where she can look at your travel pics all she wants!

Don’t let these common mistakes discourage you, though. We know how tough online dating is, but there are so many other strategies that actually work in your favor. Covering your profile with vacation pictures is simply not one of them.

Project Soulmate is able to offer you helpful tips to make your online dating profile stand out from the crowd, and through our assistance with profile writing, photography, coaching, and account management services we make this whole “finding the love of my life” thing a piece of cake. Our professional matchmakers are always available and willing to help, just Click here for more info!  Or Contact Us and ask!

Check out these Online Dating Genius previous posts: The Offspring Pic, The Bathroom Selfie, The Height Exaggeration, and The Hot Chick In Your Pic.

Find more good stuff here: Twitter: @projectsoulmate   Facebook: Like us!   Pinterest:  Project Soulmate

Emily Stovall

Emily Stovall is our powerhouse Marketing and Business Management Intern.

Jane Rudes is a Communication Consultant and the Online Division Director at Project Soulmate. She is happy to answer questions for interested and prospective online clients regarding common online dating woes and what we can do for your online accounts.  

Love yourself first.

Love yourself first.

When thinking about your day to day life, what comes to the forefront? Your workload? Meeting a business partner? Trekking to a different neighborhood to see a friend? No matter what you are doing, do other people come first? This is commonplace in today’s society and sometimes it’s hard to remember to think about yourself. The phrase “self love is the best love” is true, but once you love yourself you can be open to loving others, and loving them wholeheartedly with no reservations. New York’s Elite Matchmakers think that loving yourself first will lead to extremely healthy and successful relationships. The best way to do this is make sure that you take care of yourself mind, body, and spirit.

If you find yourself hearing the phrase “treat yourself” and don’t know what that means… Here are a few tips to help you finding and accepting your best self.

treat yo self

1. Add some personal time to your schedule. If you work everyday and are constantly booked with friends on the weekends, try penciling yourself in instead. Sundays are great days to relax and unwind. Grab a book or try a new hobby like writing a blog, running, or even knitting. It important to maintain your interests so that you don’t end up feeling burnt out.

2. Follow the aforementioned phrase and treat yourself. If you’ve has a long week and want Shake Shack for dinner instead of cooking… do it! Sometimes even diets need to be broken to feel full. There is no point in going through life constantly wanting more. Life is all about choices and it’s best not to overthink small things like this. If you want it, go get it.

3. Enjoy some ‘tech-free time’. Studies say that we should unplug at least one hour before going to bed to maximize the effectiveness of sleep. This seems almost impossible in today’s age where emails are flooding your inbox every minute and social media is more prevalent than ever. Make a conscious effort to put your phone down before bed and you will be grateful, so will your cell phone bill.

4. Find ways to destress. It can be as simple as looking out of your window, taking a 5 minute stretch at work, or working out. Try drinking tea before you go to bed, chamomile been proven to decrease mild anxiety! No matter what it is that you do, do it because you want to, not because you have to.

5. Start a gratitude jar! Everyday (or whenever you remember) write down something on a slip of paper that you are grateful for, or a positive thing that happened that day. At the end of the year you will have a collection of little happy things to remind you how great life can be everyday.

Relationship Experts Lori and Jenn feel that it is important love yourself before you can open up to others and find your potential soulmate. Accepting yourself as you are is the best way to live your happiest life.

BY: LILY DOERFLER

First Date Do’s & Dont’s

Embarking on a first date can be can be scary sometimes, regardless of if it’s a blind date or one that’s been set up by relationship experts. It can mean something as small as grabbing drinks or as extensive as a five course meal. Whatever the date may be, following these steps are a surefire way to make a great first impression.

 

Do:

Listen. As my grandfather used to say, “you’ve got 2 ears and one mouth for a reason”. This applies to everything in life, especially first dates. People love to talk about themselves and asking the right questions can really open a person up and start a great conversation. No one wants to be interrupted or feel like that can’t get a word in. Relationships are a two way street, give and take. The same goes for conversation.

Put your phone away. Whether you are texting, calling, or simply checking your phone for the time, you’ll make your date feel unimportant. So instead, wear a watch to keep track of time and let your friends know that you can’t be reached during those couple of hours so you wont be tempted to answer.

Wear something comfortable. And no, this does not mean jeans and a t-shirt. Make sure that the outfit you pick out is one that you’ve tested out before. Wearing 6 inch heels that make it impossible to walk are probably not the best choice.

Get excited. It’s not everyday that you get to dress up a bit, take advantage. When you see them, make sure to smile so they know you are happy to be there. Nothing makes a man feel great like a beautiful woman who is interested in him.

Bring your manners. Hopefully they’ll also bring theirs and open doors for you. Please and thank you’s can go a long way in life.

 

Don’t:

Assume that they are buying. Never forget your wallet at home. Even if they do pick up the tab (and in my opinion they should) not bringing a wallet could leave a bad impression. Also, if they want to split the bill and you have no money, things could get awkward, fast.

Get drunk. Sloppy first dates rarely lead to second ones. Know your limits so that you don’t end up drunk. Drinks are fun to have so you loosen up a bit, just don’t come unraveled.

Ask about exes. The reason you are on a date is to get know someone new, not to talk about your past. Exes can bring up bad experiences and can leave your date thinking that you are stuck in the past.

 

Above all, be yourself. Confidence is the most attractive quality a woman (or man) can possess.

BY: LILY DOERFLER