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Online Dating Genius: The Impossible Checklist

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We all know an impossible checklist person. You click on their online dating profile and instead of beginning with a casual introduction, they bombard you with their list of deal-breakers.

  • Can’t have too many tattoos
  • MUST love dogs
  • Part Zebra
  • 6 feet tall (no exceptions)
  • Needs to know how to pronounce ‘worcestershire’

You see what I’m getting at here.

These kind of people are annoying for many reasons. I could write a list about it but I would hate to be put in the same category as a listomaniac.

Compulsive list makers are successful in the workforce and in the grocery aisle. However, lists are inadequate in dating, especially in the online dating department. The problem is that you just can’t plan out love online like you plan out a To-Do list.

In essence, having an idea of core qualities you would like in a partner is not a terrible thing. For instance, everyone can agree they’re looking for someone funny, smart, and attractive. Three key qualities – just three – and yet with 7 billion people in the world it is still difficult to even find someone who embodies this trinity of characteristics, especially while dating online. Add any more qualities to this list and you’ll have better luck finding Waldo.

Having overly specific “wants” can be equally as bad as having a long list of requirements. Take this list of core qualities for example. If you’re looking for someone funny but with a dry sense of humor, someone smart but who graduated from an Ivy League university, and an attractive face but with a side of six pack abs… Your only option left is James Franco and he is clearly not on match.com! As your lists become longer and more precise, your list of potential online dates shrinks. This is because as you’re being particular about hair color, occupation and music taste, you’re losing many chances to meet great people who just don’t fully meet your impossible idea of “perfect”.  

Is your list even for yourself? You rarely know what to order at a restaurant, yet you know exactly what you want in a partner? Try again. If you’re creating this list in hopes of finding someone to impress your parents or to one-up your ex, remember it’s you who is going to end up unhappy and deprived of love.

Bravo matchmaker Jennifer Zucher knows that lists are impractical and promote unrealistic expectations. “Your friends have qualities you like and qualities you dislike, yet you still work great together. Why? Because you enjoy the moments you spend with each other and you don’t dwell on your differences. Honestly, what if your millionaire match is a cat person instead of a dog lover? Is that fraction of their personality enough to disqualify them entirely? You are the reason you’re single. If you’re looking for someone who is 100 percent your perfect match, date yourself! No one on this planet is perfect and if you want a one of a kind love you need to let go of the list and let love lead.”

Written by Christina Madera

Christina Madera is our hilariously bright Business and Communications Intern.

Did you know that Project Soulmate offers professional photo coaching and other management services for your online dating accounts?

Jane Rudes is a Communication Consultant and our Online Division Director at Project Soulmate. Jane is happy to speak with any interested, prospective clients about our online dating services and answer questions about online profiles or other common online dating woes.

Click here for more info!  Or Contact Us and ask!

Find more genius advice by checking out some of our other Online Dating Genius posts like:  

The Height Exaggeration, The Offspring Pic, The Hot Chick In Your Pic, or The Not Your Baby Pic

Find more good stuff here: Twitter: @projectsoulmate   Facebook: Like us!   Pinterest:  Project Soulmate

 

online dating photos

Online Dating Genius: The Group Picture

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Let’s talk about this important DON’T in online dating: pictures with friends

I call these type of people beauty blenders. They love being in group pictures because it’s kind of like choir; you can’t really tell who has the terrible voice when there are so many harmonizing. Their online profiles are filled with pictures of with friends, family, and coworkers. You can’t even really see what he or she looks like because most of the pictures are dark, blurry, and crowded. Capital NO

We get it: you may be shy – too shy – to ask someone to take a picture of you or maybe you just look your best when you’re just a floating head behind your biff’s shoulders. Whatever your excuse is; this is a huge mistake for online dating.

For starters, it’s so confusing. You are one of 5 girls in the picture all with brown hair and a drink in your hand. You are making it a guessing game for anyone viewing your profile, which is bothersome to most. If you truly love the way you look in the picture, crop everyone out or add a comment that pinpoints exactly which brunette you are. The focus should be on you, not your posse.

Second, do your friends even know that they’re on a dating website? Not everyone is open to the idea of their image spreading throughout the internet. Not only is it creepy, it’s also highly inappropriate (especially if it’s a drunk selfie).

Lastly, it’s deceiving. You may have taken “if you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends,” too seriously. The spice girls were all jaw droppingly gorgeous movie stars (not saying that you’re not pretty in pink as well) but, what if the person behind the computer screen is actually falling for your friend instead of you? Is this part of your master plan?

Dating scams are never the way to go. Eventually, the person will figure out that you’re not who you claim to be. Be honest and you will find people who truly want to date you for you.

One – maybe two – group pictures with friends is acceptable. It paints a picture of a social butterfly who is likeable and fun. But once you pass a third – strike, you’re out. Bottom line is many people are already hesitant about dating online because of the lack of face to face. So in order to ease their search, you need to show your face! Group photos are a concrete example of poor online dating etiquette.

Written by Christina Madera

Christina Madera is our hilariously bright Business and Communications Intern.

 

Find more genius advice by checking out some of our other Online Dating Genius posts like:  

The Height Exaggeration, The Offspring Pic, The Hot Chick In Your Pic, or The Not Your Baby Pic

Did you know that Project Soulmate offers professional photo coaching and other management services for your online dating accounts?

Click here for more info!  Or Contact Us and ask!

Jane Rudes is a Communication Consultant and our Online Division Director at Project Soulmate. Jane is happy to speak with any interested, prospective clients about our online services and answer questions about your online profile or other common online dating woes.

 

Find more good stuff here: Twitter: @projectsoulmate   Facebook: Like us!   Pinterest:  Project Soulmate

Online Dating Genius: Cool Vacay, But I Don't Care

Online Dating Genius: The Travel Pics

Welcome to #6 of Online Dating Genius: A blog series brought to you by the online dating experts at your favorite NYC Matchmaking Service, Project Soulmate! Each post we will reveal another “do-not” in the world of online dating.

As usual, if you online date, you will relate!

Online Dating Genius: Cool Vacay, But I Don't Care

So, what is on the agenda this week? Hopefully not uploading too many pictures from your vacation to your online dating profile.

Picture this: the girl of your dreams has just gone through about 20 different online dating profiles, and after reading what each had to say about themselves (yes guys, females actually read every word), 8 stick out most and you made the cut! Problem is, on paper all 8 of you seem pretty similar because you each fit the criteria she entered into the search bar. Now she has to determine who she really wants to meet. How will she go about doing that? The same way you make that decision, from the photos! Luckily you have already passed the hard part – a really well written profile – but will she find you attractive enough? Will your pics make or break her decision?  Here is where your one-too-many vacation pics become a huge problem for your online dating profile.

Sure we all think your 30 day excursion to Hong Kong was awesome, you seem very worldly and fun to be with and we’re all really jealous, but (1) stop rubbing it in, and (2) did we really need 20 pics of your trip while we still barely know what your face looks like?! Are you offering Hong Kong itself? You can see the problem here. The tiebreaker between Other Guy and You has just been broken and you lost. Girl Of Your Dreams could not figure out what you look like and to make matters worse, now she thinks you are weird for posting all those random pics.

We’re not saying cut them out completely; sometimes they give your dating profile a little character and can set you apart. Just limit them to maybe one or two and ideally, you are in them. If not, include a caption about why that moment stood out to you. Show her who you are.  Either way, you must have a variety of good pics of yourself in the mix.

In the future, try to keep in mind that this is a dating website and not a social media website or Trip Advisor. People are looking for a potential date and often for the love of their life, not a travel agent. Why not show off all of your favorite vacation pictures after you and your new date get a little closer? Impress her by “friending” her on Facebook where she can look at your travel pics all she wants!

Don’t let these common mistakes discourage you, though. We know how tough online dating is, but there are so many other strategies that actually work in your favor. Covering your profile with vacation pictures is simply not one of them.

Project Soulmate is able to offer you helpful tips to make your online dating profile stand out from the crowd, and through our assistance with profile writing, photography, coaching, and account management services we make this whole “finding the love of my life” thing a piece of cake. Our professional matchmakers are always available and willing to help, just Click here for more info!  Or Contact Us and ask!

Check out these Online Dating Genius previous posts: The Offspring Pic, The Bathroom Selfie, The Height Exaggeration, and The Hot Chick In Your Pic.

Find more good stuff here: Twitter: @projectsoulmate   Facebook: Like us!   Pinterest:  Project Soulmate

Emily Stovall

Emily Stovall is our powerhouse Marketing and Business Management Intern.

Jane Rudes is a Communication Consultant and the Online Division Director at Project Soulmate. She is happy to answer questions for interested and prospective online clients regarding common online dating woes and what we can do for your online accounts.  

Online Dating Genius: The Not-Your-Baby Pic

Welcome to #5 of Online Dating Genius: A blog series brought to you by the online dating experts at your favorite NYC Matchmaking Service, Project Soulmate! Each week we will reveal another “do-not” in online dating.

If you online date, you will relate.

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Let’s get real for a second, okay? What is your intention when making the decision to upload that photo of you and that cute baby into your online profile? You do know that you’re on a dating site, not your facebook page, right? So why did you think that this random baby would make an important impression upon 100’s of strangers; a small fraction of whom you might be interested in dating?  

We think we get it. You want kids? You are great with kids! Babies love you, thus your matches will love you, too! You will make a great parent someday, therefore highlighting you as more desirable than other matches lacking random not-their-baby pics.  

No? We’re way off?  Ok we’ve got it…you think that cute baby makes you look cuter? It works at the party/beach/park like a charm. You walk around with your friend’s adorable baby and all the singles you hoped would notice you earlier, now flock to you and say “Oh she is sooooo cute! Is she yours?” To which you coyly reply, “No, she’s my buddy’s, but she loves me more,” to which they laugh, breathing a sigh of relief and immediately notice how cute (and available) YOU are!

Whatever your reason, it doesn’t typically play out this way on the other end of the digital dating world. It generally looks more like this:

“Wait, I thought he didn’t have a kid? Ugh, I bet has a kid but didn’t want to say so since he’s never been married.” (Click back button, other match suggestions pop up, new match suggestion looks pretty cute, click new match suggestion.) Yeah, people don’t always see your captions.  Sometimes it plays out like this: “She’s cute but this pic of her with her sister’s baby probably means she’s really wants a baby, too.  I’ve met too many women in a rush.” (Click to next match)

We know dating online can be a downer.  You’re just trying whatever you can to stand out, attract the right person, catch a break.  Everyone is in the same boat; we hear these complaints daily and have seen all that your probably go through during one of our past online dating client sessions. Whether it’s a male or female client, younger or older, with or without kids…everyone has their valid gripes.

There are many great strategies to dating online successfully. However, using a random baby that’s not your baby to attract someone isn’t one of them. Hence, the Not-Your-Baby photo choice is a DO NOT in online dating profile photo selection.  

Project Soulmate offers more than expert matchmaking in NYC. We can help you decide on the best photos for your online dating profile.  We also offer professional profile writing, photography, coaching and account management services for your online dating accounts. Click here for more info!  Or Contact Us and ask!

Coming soon… Photos With Friends…and more! Stay tuned!

Check out these Online Dating Genius previous posts: The Offspring Pic, The Bathroom Selfie, The Height Exaggeration, and The Hot Chick In Your Pic.  

Find more good stuff here: Twitter: @projectsoulmate   Facebook: Like us!   Pinterest:  Project Soulmate

Jane Rudes

Jane Rudes is a Communication Consultant as well as the Online Division Director at Project Soulmate. Jane is happy to speak with interested prospective online clients about their online profile and other common online dating woes. 

Online Dating Genius: The Offspring Pic

Welcome to #4 of Online Dating Genius: A blog series brought to you by the online dating experts at your favorite NYC Matchmaking Service, Project Soulmate! Each week we will reveal another “do-not” in online dating.

If you online date, you will relate.

Online Dating: The Offspring Pic

No, no, no! That’s right. None. The only place your kids belong in your online dating life, is at home with a sitter or your X while you’re on a date.  All online dating sites have a way for you to indicate if you have children and whether or not you are open to dating someone with children – and that is enough info.

Take baby steps; first focus on attracting someone to YOU, then of course make sure they are right for you. If you are choosing wisely, “right for you” will be also be good for your family.  If you are dating smart, the phase of meeting your kids will be a long way down the road. The last thing you want in a prospective date’s mind is  assumptions and judgements about your previous marriage and the situation they could be getting involved in by dating you. Which is precisely what those adorable pics of your kids plant in their heads. Keep them focused on you and only you. 

So what should be included in your profile pics? Anything that highlights the attractive parts of YOU.  Are you fit, fun, sexy, reserved, conservative, kind, talented, a leader, a philanthropist, a cultured traveler, a clown? Whatever you are, your online dating profile is your ad and you are the brand.  Viewers should get a feel for your personality, what you can bring to a relationship and why they may want to connect with you. On that note – you can simultaneously design your profile to attract a certain type of person you desire.

There are many useful photo and writing strategies for shining amidst the online dating fog – but including your kids in your profile photos is NOT one of them.

Project Soulmate can help you choose the best photos for your profile.  We also offer professional online profile writing, photography, online date coaching and expert matchmaking services using your online dating accounts.

Click here for more info!  Or Contact Us and ask!

Coming soon… Photos With Friends…and more!  Stay tuned!

Check out these Online Dating Genius previous posts: The Bathroom Selfie, The Height Exaggeration, The Hot Chick In Your Pic, and The Not Your Baby Pic.

Find more good stuff here: Twitter: @projectsoulmate   Facebook: Like us!   Pinterest:  Project Soulmate

Jane Rudes is a Communication Consultant as well as the Online Division Director at Project Soulmate. Jane is happy to speak with interested prospective online clients about their online profile and other common online dating woes. 

Online Dating Genius

Online Dating Genius: The Hot Chick In Your Pic

Welcome to #3 of Online Dating Genius: A blog series brought to you by the online dating experts at your favorite NYC Matchmaking Service, Project Soulmate! Each week we will reveal another “do-not” in online dating.

If you online date, you will relate.

Online Dating

You’re better off without her.

How exactly does this chick help your online dating success? Did you think that women will find you more attractive because you have a female friend / sister / x-girlfriend that is a 10? Or is this your way of saying “women less hot than this chick need not apply”?

Whatever your reason, it does not work out in your favor. Most women rate male online profiles containing photos of themselves with other women as less appealing because they assume he is hooked on his X, a player (especially when it’s you and a group of chicks), an “in the friend zone” type of guy, or undesirable to these other women in your photo for some good reason. Your pics with chicks are pointless. If you look that good in it, crop everyone else out. In fact, data has shown that online profiles using photos that include any friends or family get less clicks, messages and replies than those using only solo pics.

If you want women to find your online dating profile more desireable, use a photo where you’re looking away from the camera – maybe a candid of you playing a sport or an instrument, one when you are dressed up but not posing, for example; speaking at an important event. It’s that suit and tie or even just that in-command appearance that does it for women online. The idea (not necessarily the image) that others are listening to you, viewing you as leader or even just a guy that can do something really well – is what makes women tick and then click.

Leave room for her to imagine – particularly imagine herself with you.   Bottom line guys – chicks in your pics are a do-not.

Project Soulmate can help you decide on the best photos.  We also offer professional online dating profile writing, photography, and expert matchmaking services for your online dating accounts. Click here for more info!  Or Contact Us and ask!

Coming soon…Age Fibbing…and more! Stay tuned each week!

Find more good stuff here:

Twitter: @projectsoulmate   Facebook: Like us!   Pinterest:  Project Soulmate

Check out these Online Dating Genius previous posts: The Bathroom Selfie, The Height ExaggerationThe Offspring Pic, and and The Not Your Baby Pic.

Jane Rudes is a Communication Consultant as well as the Online Division Director at Project Soulmate. Jane is happy to speak with interested prospective online clients about their online profile and other common online dating woes. 

 

Online Dating Genius

Online Dating Genius: Height Exaggeration

Welcome to #2 of Online Dating Genius: A new blog series brought to you by the online dating experts at your favorite NYC Matchmaking Service, Project Soulmate! Each week we will reveal another “do-not” in online dating. If you online date, you will relate.

Own Your Mini-me-ness

Own Your Mini-me-ness

What’s the plan fellas? If your strategy is “just get her to meet me, then she’ll see how charming and funny I am, despite my height” all she will see is the way you handle your insecurities: with deception. This makes you much less attractive than if you were to actually be upfront about your height in a charming and funny way via your online profile.  

Pushing a maximum of one inch in your online dating profile might work. However, anything easily noticeable in person will be a waste of your (and their) future dating time.   Most women – and more importantly – women worth dating, would choose honesty over height.  

Being on the front lines of online dating with our clients, us matchmaking experts know how hard it is for guys listed at under 5’10” to get the most clicks.  Good news is that a majority of women online are willing to give you a chance despite feeling initially ambivalent about your online profile attractiveness – unlike men who mostly won’t engage online unless they feel highly attracted to a woman’s pics.  Data shows that women decide how attractive you are after meeting in person for at least 15 minutes . Hence, your personality plays the outweighing factor when she’s on the fence.

Own it guys.  If you put a taller height to appear in more online dating searches, then say something funny and honest about it in your summary to hitch her.  Humor and self-confidence are the keys to a woman’s heart.  Bottom line guys…height deception is a do-not.

Did you know that Project Soulmate offers professional photo coaching and management services for your online dating accounts? Click here for more info!  Or Contact Us and ask!

Up next…Kids in your pics, photos with friends, height or age fibbing and more!

Stay tuned each week and find more good stuff here:

Check out these Online Dating Genius previous posts:  The Bathroom SelfieThe Offspring Pic, The Hot Chick In Your Pic, and The Not Your Baby Pic.

Find more good stuff here: Twitter: @projectsoulmate   Facebook: Like us!   Pinterest:  Project Soulmate

Jane Rudes is a Communication Consultant as well as the Online Division Director at Project Soulmate. Jane is happy to speak with interested prospective online clients about their online profile and other common online dating woes. 

 

Online Dating Genius

Online Dating Genius: The Bathroom Selfie

Introducing Online Dating Genius: A new blog series brought to you by the online dating experts at your favorite NYC Matchmaking Service, Project Soulmate!  Each week we will reveal another “do-not” in online dating.

If you online date, you will relate.

Online Dating Genius

The Bathroom Selfie

Gentlemen, you may think you look great that day. Maybe you do. Problem is – women are much more likely to notice your background bedroom mess and be turned off by the unwarranted glimpse into your bathroom, than be turned on by your “hot” look.

Data shows men who include photos of themselves looking away from the camera get more responses. Just ask a friend to take a candid of you at the beach, when you’re dressed well for work or while going out at night. If you’re alone, at least use the timer on your smartphone cam. The mirror is not your friend! Get out of the bathroom…and the bedroom. Always be mindful of your background.

Relationship experts say that most women click away from male profiles that include selfies. Especially shirtless selfies. Worse…shirtless bathroom selfies. This strategy can negatively imply a lot about you. Women online often perceive men who use selfies as shallow, lonely or not confident enough to ask someone else to take their photo. You should aim for pics that highlight your personality and your hobbies. A great matchmaking tip is to include a minimum of one clear headshot, one candid with a nice smile, a clean-cut full-length picture of you dressed more formally and one shot taken while doing something you love. Mirror pics and shirtless selfies will backfire for men when it comes to dating women online, so bottom line guys…selfies are a do-not.

Written by Jane Rudes

Did you know that Project Soulmate offers professional photo coaching and management services for your online dating accounts? Click here for more info!  Or Contact Us and ask!

Up next…Kids in your pics, photos with friends, height or age fibbing and more!

Stay tuned each week and find more good stuff here:

Check out these Online Dating Genius previous posts:  The Height Exaggeration, The Offspring Pic, The Hot Chick In Your Pic, and The Not Your Baby Pic. 

Find more good stuff here: Twitter: @projectsoulmate   Facebook: Like us!   Pinterest:  Project Soulmate

Jane Rudes is a Communication Consultant as well as the Online Division Director at Project Soulmate. Jane is happy to speak with interested prospective online clients about their online profile and other common online dating woes.