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Relationship Bods: Don’t be a Victim

Relationship Bod

Ah, the honeymoon stage… A time for countless amounts of sex; dinner, lunch, and brunch dates everyday; and movie nights in with big bottles of wine for two. Oh and you might not notice it now, but it’s also the time for you to gain about 10-20 extra pounds in all the wrong places! We call it: The Relationship Bod.

I like to think of the honeymoon stage of your relationship like your freshman year of college. It freakin’ rocks, but you don’t notice all the weight you’re putting on. Eventually, whether it’s your junior year of college or your last, you start to realize (and you start majorly regretting) all those late night pizza orders, and 12 packs of beer you finished in an hour are catching up to you. The same happens with your relationship. You start out super excited and happy that you finally have someone to explore all those New York restaurants with. And your pumped that on weekends you get to just snuggle in bed all day, rather than go out and try to meet new people. Unfortunately, just like the 12 packs you downed freshman year of college, these new habits from your relationship will start taking a toll on your body, too.

The question is what do you do now that you’re realizing you have fallen victim to the dreaded Relationship Bod?? Project Soulmate has some ideas. The best trend going on right now is the development of tons of hip new workout studios like aerial yoga, or cross fit training facilities. A great idea would be to have you and your boyfriend/girlfriend join together. Maybe have some friendly competition, and in no time you two will be back to being babes. Another idea from our professional matchmakers is to start cooking your own meals. There are so many videos circulating Facebook right now with healthy meals that are easy to make (especially with two people) and look absolutely delicious. Not only does this help improve your health, but it makes your wallet happier, too.

So, yes, it is great that you’ve finally found love in New York City with someone who thinks you are beautiful no matter what, but that doesn’t mean you should just give up on yourself!! According to our relationship expert’s, one key to a long lasting, healthy relationship is pleasing and impressing your partner everyday. Give our tips a try, and if you ever need any more advice, Project Soulmate is always open to help!

 

Emily Stovall

Online Dating Genius: The Age Liar

Online Dating Genius: The Age Liar

Online Dating Genius: The Age Liar

So let’s talk about our next greatest pet peeve on online dating websites:

Lying About Your Age.

We get it: you’ve gotten older, you’re single, and you have those great pics from last decade and they’re so much better than that one from last weekend.  So what’s your solution? To get on a dating website, lie about your age, and post old pictures of yourself to snag the matches you really want. Who wouldn’t love a 32 year-old with the relationship wisdom, maturity and experience of a 44 year-old anyway? Problem is though, now you’re kind of a big, fat, liar too…

The question is – what’s your plan? You find a special someone you’re really interested in online, the conversations begin to flow really well, and then they want to meet you in person…remember? Do you end up telling the truth or do you just cut out, and move on to the next match, trapping yourself in an eternal online dating black hole? Either option will not bring you any closer to your goal of finding that special someone who loves you for you. Isn’t that why you decided to date online in the first place?

If you decide to tell the truth before you meet, you have created a very sour taste in the mouth of your potential true love – before your first official impression. “If they lied about this, what else could they be lying about??” Even if they give you the chance…they will be so focused on your looks for your age that it would take a miracle for you feel comfortable enough to be redeeming.  If you decide to tell the truth (or never tell the truth) much farther down the road…all we can say is good luck to you.

Suggestion: Try being real from the start (Those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind, right?) and then invest in some high-quality, professional  online dating photos. (No, it does not look like you are trying too hard and yes, it has proven to work extremely well.)  If you are finally taking the plunge into the online dating world, be honest.  Be honest with yourself and with those on the site. No one wants their time or money wasted, and no one wants their preferences disregarded. Do you?

Unfortunately, you’ll never find that special someone if you are lying from the start about your age and misleading about the way you currently look. Besides, if you looked that great at 32, you probably look fantastic at 44! Embrace who you are and learn the ways to present a package that people can’t refuse. Confidence is the sexiest reported characteristic in dating. If someone doesn’t like you for your age, then you shouldn’t like them for their opinions.

So, if you’re still thinking about going old school in your profile, think about how annoyed you’d feel if you thought you were going on a date with one of these two:

Screen Shot 2016-03-14 at 12.33.52 PMScreen Shot 2016-03-14 at 12.30.53 PM

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And one of these two showed up…
Screen Shot 2016-03-14 at 12.23.05 PMScreen Shot 2016-03-14 at 12.22.19 PM

(Meanwhile, some other people would thrilled to land of date with one of these two and now you’ve wasted everyone’s time. Anyway, they’re both taken.)

If you want to know which profile photos to use, or the best way to highlight great qualities about yourself in your online profile, call Project Soulmate’s online dating experts for answers.

Project Soulmate can make your online dating profile stand out from the crowd. Our profile writing, photography, communication coaching, and account management services can actually make this whole “finding the love of my life online” thing fun! Our professional matchmakers are always available and willing to help, just Click here for more info!  Or Contact Us and ask away!

Check out these Online Dating Genius previous posts: The Offspring Pic, The Bathroom Selfie, The Height Exaggeration, and The Hot Chick In Your Pic.

Find more good stuff here: Twitter: @projectsoulmate   Facebook: Like us!   Pinterest:  Project Soulmate

Emily Stovall

Emily Stovall is our powerhouse Marketing and Business Management Intern.

Jane Rudes is a Communication Consultant and the Online Division Director at Project Soulmate.

We are happy to answer questions for interested, prospective online clients regarding common online dating woes and what we can do for you and your online dating accounts.

What Not to Do: Bad Dating Advice from RomComs

RomCom’s ya gotta love em… right? I mean how could you not, they are cute, funny, and end happily ever after! The downside to these great movies is that they are incredibly unrealistic!! Here’s a list of a few of the best romantic comedies with the advice they give, and with the advice you really want from the Project Soulmate Love Experts:

1.)

Bad Dating Advice from RomComs“Forgetting Sarah Marshall” – Jason Segal, Mila Kunis, and Kristen Bell it’s like the perfect trifecta, but it’s definitely not the perfect advice.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall’s Advice: Follow your ex-girlfriend to Hawaii, meet a perfect new girl, but then still sleep with your ex-girlfriend to “for sure” no you’re over her while hurting the perfect new girl you met in the process.

Project Soulmate’s Advice: Don’t jump into a new relationship until you are definitely over your last. It saves a lot of people from getting their feelings hurt!

 

2.)

Bad Dating Advice from RomComs“Bridesmaids” – Kristen Wig and Maya Rudolph, need we say more?? The movie is absolutely hilarious, but in terms of relationships and friendships… It’s probably not the best movie to get advice from!

“Bridesmaids” Advice: Get super jealous of your best friends new engagement that you ruin each engagement party, and pretend like the one guy trying to help you is making things worse

Project Soulmate’s Advice: Talk it out. Talk to your best friend about your frustrations, and talk to the new guy in your life. This way they both know why you might be acting crazy or flipping out on them!

 

3.)

Bad Dating Advice from RomComs“Ten Things I Hate About You” – A freakin’ Classic! Heath Ledger (love) and Julia Stiles make a great match, but there were some definite humps they had to go through before the happily ever after couple you see at the end…

“Ten Things I Hate About You” Advice: Agree to go out with the “loser” sister for money just so another random guy can go out with the “popular” sister. Ah don’t you just love finding out that the guy dating you is only doing it for money?? Me too!!

Project Soulmate’s Advice: When a seemingly random guy is all of a sudden super into you… do your research. And if in the end, you do find out he had some ulterior motives, decide for yourself if they are something you could get over.

 

4.)

Bad Dating Advice from RomComs“Knocked Up” – Katherine Heigl and Seth Rogan make an unusual couple, but it seems to work… of course this is just a movie. Which leads us to the super unrealistic advice viewers get from this movie…….

“Knocked Up” Advice: Get drunk, sleep with someone, decide not to use a condom, get pregnant, but decide the two of you can work it out in the long run.

Project Soulmate’s Advice: First of all, probably just always wear a condom for a random late night hook up. Second of all, don’t think just because you got pregnant with a random hookup you guys need to force a relationship. Sometimes the best mommy-daddy relationships are ones where the mommy and daddy aren’t even together!

 

5.)

Bad Dating Advice from RomComs“The Proposal” – Honestly any movie Sandra Bullock is in is a win for me, but it doesn’t always mean they’re realistic and I take all my dating advice from it.

“The Proposal” Advice: Avoid getting your citizenship forms completed until you are (almost) forced to be deported back to Canada. Then decide to marry your assistant just so you can keep your job and stay in the country. Genius!

Project Soulmate’s Advice: Keep your visas and all other forms required up to date, so you aren’t forced to marry someone you barely know just to remain in the country. Try going on regular dates before jumping into a proposal!!

 

6.)

Bad Dating Advice from RomComs“Her” – Probably one of the weirdest movies I’ve seen in a while, but Scarlett Johansson does make a great computer voice!

“Her” Advice: Avoid real-life dating at all costs. Don’t even socialize or have sex with real-life people because a computer can give you everything you need.

Project Soulmate’s Advice: GO ON DATES. MEET REAL PEOPLE. PUT YOUR COMPUTER AND OTHER ELECTRONIC DEVICES DOWN AND ACTUALLY TALK TO REAL PEOPLE. Wow sorry, just really passionate about the fact that if you want to actually meet someone to spend your life with, you need to actually dedicate some real life, quality time to those people; and maybe give people a chance that you wouldn’t usually.

 

Moral of the story: Don’t ever stop watching Romcom’s because they offer some needed comic relief to a tough thing we call “love.” Just remember to not take everything they say or do seriously!

 

Emily Stovall

How to Find the Cheater

How to Find the Cheater

Have you been noticing some shady things your boyfriend’s been doing lately? Like changing his pass code… deleting texts… or even blowing off plans? Well I know you might not want to admit it, but your boyfriend sounds like a cheater.

The absolute worst thing to happen in a relationship, is to find out your significant other has been cheating on you. So wouldn’t you like to find out sooner, rather than later? Project Soulmate thinks so. We think you shouldn’t waste your time on someone who is clearly not as invested in the relationship as you are. We know most people are genuine, and not cheaters, but on the off chance that you happen to be dating a scummy-mc-scummers, our relationship experts have come up with some clues for you to look out for.

Let’s start with some obvious red flags: you notice he’s been deleting text messages. I’m not talking about if he’s been doing this the whole time you’ve know him, and he’s just doing it to save space; I’m talking about the guy who has recently started. And for some reason, he really doesn’t want anyone seeing these mysterious text messages. Obviously we don’t condone “snooping” because that shows a lack of trust and disrespect for personal privacy, so our love experts suggest that maybe the first thing you should do is to ask him upfront. If he answers quickly, and doesn’t seem nervous, then I’m sure you’re fine; if not, though, then you might’ve found yourself a cheater.

The next obvious is that they are frequently blowing off plans. Your boyfriend/girlfriend should want to spend time with you, and hopefully in a healthy relationship, they should want to spend about as much time with you as you do with them. So even if he’s not cheating, and is just blowing off plans because he’s “had enough of you for the week,” it’s probably time to dump him anyways. But, if he is cheating, blowing off plans is a definite sign. He might have some great excuse, but more than three or four times seems a little fishy to me. Start asking the real questions like a blunt “Are you cheating on me” and see what he can come up with.

How to Find the Cheater

Sometimes it’s not so easy to see, though, so then you get dragged along in a yearlong relationship only to find out from a friend who saw him out with another girl last night. We don’t want that to happen, I can already see the embarrassment of finding out that way, and it’s killing me. So if you’re already starting to feel like he might be cheating, but you aren’t noticing any “obvious” signs, maybe pay attention to some of these… The first is that out of nowhere he seems to be caring a lot more about his appearance when he’s going to work or just going to hang out with friends. This could mean he’s been buying nicer clothes to wear, or has even begun working out a lot more to get his body in shape. Another sign might be that he has started being overly attentive towards you or started giving you gifts unexpectedly when he’s never done that before. This can sometimes be a sign of guilt, and he’s trying to balance out the fact that he’s been cheating.

The best advice Project Soulmate can give you if you feel like your man or your girl is cheating on you is to ask them upfront. You can get a lot from their answer just by how nervous they may get, how quickly they may try to change the subject, or even if they try to immediately put the blame back on you. If you are feeling “iffy” about your relationship, whether it’s because your significant other is cheating or not, maybe the most important thing to do is to look at the big picture and realize that a happy, healthy relationship won’t have any doubts at all and it could be time to move on.

If after checking out these clues, and unfortunately discovering your significant other has been cheating, then don’t worry. The world is not over, and I can promise you there is someone else out there willing to treat you like the queen you are. Project Soulmate is just here to help you weed out the bad cookies, and to help you find the good ones. Relationships are our forte, and happy, healthy ones are our favorite!

 

Emily Stovall

Marriage: Told by Three Generations

Successful Marriage
In the midst of this 21st century world of dating in New York and marriages, it seems so common for people to break-up or get divorced. But why? I’ve been trying to figure out why this seems to happen so frequently now a days because 1. It’s interesting, and 2. I want to avoid it happening to me! So I thought it would be cool for the relationship experts over at Project Soulmate to see how three different generations would answer this simple question: What are five things that make a successful marriage?

I asked this question to my sister who has recently been married, to my mother who has been married to my dad for 27 years, and to my grandma who was married to my grandpa for 57 years until his passing. Now I’m not saying any of them are relationship experts, but they’ve definitely got some experience under their belt. I was not sure what kind of responses I would get, if they’d be identical or drastically different, but I thought that either way it could give some insight into the difficult world of marriage. So here are their answers, word for word. Check them out and see what you think; I mean I might’ve just hacked the secret for a long-lasting marriage

Successful Marriage

Celeste – 26 Years Old, Newlywed

  1. Communication
  2. Doing things together, but also having alone time
  3. Supporting one another’s goals
  4. Being able to make the other laugh, like singing “fireflies” by Owl City
  5. SEX

Tara – 54 Years Old, Married for 27 Years and Counting

  1. Take Care of yourself/stay in shape/exercise; and if you are a stay at home mom, still fix your hair and put on your makeup
  2. Send gifts/flowers etc. to his work or place of business, just because, not because you are apologizing for something
  3. Have time separate from each other – encourage guy trips/girl trips with friends
  4. When it comes to household finances get and stay on the same page
  5. Sit down to dinner together whenever possible… Even if it means eating at odd times
  6. Always have time for him, ask yourself; “If my best friend form high school walked in the door, would I be too tiredSuccesful Marriage to do something with her?”

Marietta – 79 Years Old, Married for 57 Years

  1. Have to be agreeable when raising your children, when you punish them and everything
  2. Considerate of each other, not selfish
  3. Have to love each other
  4. Willing to wait on them, to take care of them in sickness or in health
  5. Go to church together

 

After going through their answers, they did seem to be very different, but also had some general things that matched. For example, they all agree that communication is very important, whether it is about finances or raising kids, you and your hubby/wifey need to communicate and be on the same page. Another one that stuck out most to me, was how important it is to make time for one another, and to definitely not be selfish when it comes to your relationship. It might seem ridiculous, and there’s clearly no science behind it, but I think these tips could be really useful. If nothing else, I can assure you that these people, no matter how long it’s been, are still very in love; so that’s enough science for me!

The first thing on your agenda, though, is finding the guy/girl to even consider for marriage. And Project Soulmate knows just how to find them!!

 

Emily Stovall

Valentine’s Day: Avoiding the Single Girl Blues

Our faaaavorite holiday is just around the corner and we can’t wait to gush all about it. Yep you guessed it, it’s Valentine’s Day! A day for love and laughter for those annoyingly cute, perfect couples, and a day for tears and chocolate for those hopeless romantics that just can’t seem to find a match. Well stop. This article isn’t for the already happily made couples with their reservations for dinner already booked; this is for the singles out there looking for love in New York City who wish they could just skip that dreaded date of February 14th. To you singles, I’m here to tell you: It’s not all its cracked up to be, but since I know it sucks anyways, here are some tips to get you through the day.

First and foremost, get your butt on over to the professional matchmakers at Project Soulmate. Get all of those foolish stereotypes you have about online dating out of your mind and sign up. Sure you’re basically hiring someone to help you find a match, but who cares?? You’ll honestly probably find a match faster with these love experts that turns out to be 10 times better than the guy your best friend has been dating for 4 months now. Why? Because they are professional matchmakers. Because they know exactly what you are looking for and exactly how to find it for you. And because they are not only looking for your best interest, but everyone’s best interest. This means they are not going to hook you up with a guy/girl just because he fits your description, but Project Soulmate makes sure you fit his description too. They have the recipe for success and you just need to bite the bullet and get on board!

girls night outTip two, is live it up! Find your best single friends and hit the town. Make a reservation at the hottest NYC restaurant, just like a date, but go with 3 or 4 of your closest friends. Dress up, drink a little bit, bring each person a cheap Valentine’s Day card, and enjoy your night. Sometimes the best way to get through this dreadful holiday is by simply participating in the festivities! Just remember, in second grade no none had a valentine, but everyone loved valentine’s day because it meant you got cute cards, lots of candy, and hung out with friends… there’s no reason it should be any different now!

If you’re someone who prefers to be alone, though, then so be it! Tip three is to go buy a pint of ice cream or maybe your movie nightfavorite little cupcakes, and sob at romantic movies all night. A little ice cream and tears can sometimes be the best medicine. My personal favorite romances to check out are “The Notebook,” “The Fault in Our Stars,” and “The Theory of Everything.” On the other hand though I definitely recommend you throw in some romcom’s in the mix to have a giggle every now and then. In that case, “Bridesmaids” and “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” are my ultimate go-to’s.

Whatever you decide, just don’t forget to enjoy yourself and to never ever give up on love in NYC. Love will come your way when the time is right!

 

Emily Stovall

Choosing The Perfect Matching Service For YOUR Love Life

HOW TO CHOOSE THE BEST MATCHMAKER FOR YOUR LOVE LIFE

2012-12-20 postDating Interview: As Matchmakers We Represent You with Lori Zaslow & Jennifer Zucher
see the original MyTreat interview here

Lori Zaslow and Jennifer Zucher are the duo behind, Project Soulmate, one of Manhattan’s premier matchmakers for elite singles. They were also the stars of the Bravo TV reality show, Love Brokers. Today we were able to track them down and pick their brains on the world of matchmaking.

 

How does Project Soulmate, your professional matchmaking service, work? What’s the process like when someone comes to you and says “help me find someone”?

Our client base is made up of commitment minded men and women from the New York tri-state area and South Florida who have put their love lives in our hands; our database is populated with individuals who are looking for their other half and our process has a proven track record of success.

The first thing we do is meet with them, get to know them and see if there is a mutual connection. We want to make sure we are in sync and that we can find what they are looking for. We want to make sure our expectations are in line.

Sites like eharmony have long surveys they make people fill out and based on computer algorithms they figure out who matches with who. What’s different about how you guys approaching making matches?

Not only do we make people fill out a short questionnaire, we actually meet people one on one to learn about them, what they are looking for and we work together. There is no algorithm to love!

A lot of people like to play matchmaker whether they are good or not at it. What makes a good matchmaker?

Someone who is a great listener, unbiased, nonjudgmental, listening to what you have to say while learning what you need, who has a network different from your current network. People can’t be everywhere at once, so it’s our job to be at places where you can’t be…we represent you.

What should people be looking for in a matchmaker if they are considering using a formal one?

Someone who is in their city or town, feels you like connect with so they can commit to helping you, look for references and referrals. Someone that is open with you and doesn’t over promise.

How much matchmaking is actually coaching versus just finding them the “right” person? Does it ever happen where someone says they want XYZ in a person, but it turns out what they say they want isn’t necessarily good for them? How do you handle those situations?

We guide our clients, not coach our clients. We offer feedback and tell you what the other people really thought about you without a filter. We have an open rapport where we take on clients that we express; we listen to their needs and wants. When they start dating, they realize on their own, that XYZ personality traits might not compliment theirs. In the situations that things don’t work out our job is to handle it, we are hands on.

What do you think is biggest reason why people have trouble finding the right mate?

They think they are open and they are not. Also, not making love their first priority.

Connect with Lori or Jennifer:

Site: https://projectsoulmate.com
Company Twitter: https://twitter.com/ProjectSoulmate
Lori’s Twitter: @LoriZaslow
Jennifer’s Twitter: @JennZucher

Listen up Ladies! 5 Things Men Wish You Knew

 

Corporate eventWe’re always wondering what’s going on inside our guy’s head, but thanks to Shape Magazine, we may finally know the answer.

Interviewing over a dozen guys between the ages of 19 and 56, Shape got the scoop from men across the dating spectrum. Married, single and divorced, doctors, NFL players and music industry professionals—you name it, they asked him.

Bet you’re curious about what these men had to say! Well..

#1- When it comes to gift giving, as much as we would love to be surprised by our favorite Gucci handbag under the tree this Christmas, it’s just not going to happen.

Unless, of course, you help your man out! 32-year-old Richie Frieman says, “[If you don’t] give us a hint or just flat out tell us what you’d like, you are most likely going to end up with something unwanted.” His wife can certainly attest. Richie gave her tickets to a wrestling match for their anniversary because “she said she liked sports.” Oops!

#2-They get jealous too!

Not many men will admit this right off the bat, but according to NFL Linebacker Thomas Howard, “We don’t like when you’re laughing too hard at another man’s jokes.”

#3- Looks aren’t everything.

Haven’t we heard that one before? That’s because its true! Men and women can agree that physical attraction is only part of—a very small part of—what makes a relationship successful.

“If I want to be in a relationship with somebody, I need to have a deeper connection with them than just the physical. The best thing that a woman could do to attract me is to be herself.”—This is coming from pretty boy Aaron Carter, child superstar.

#4- Shopping isn’t so bad.

While your man may whine about going to Pottery Barn, most of the time he really doesn’t mind a trip to the mall or running a few errands. In fact, Celebrity Trainer Lalo Fuentes says, “We actually like going shopping with you…as long as you let us pick out your outfit.” Bribery goes a long way, ladies!

#5- They get insecure too!

We may get made fun of for spending so much time worrying about how we look, but as it turns out, men are just as self-conscious as women…especially at the gym. 34 year-old Chuck Hughes confesses, “At the gym, men…check themselves out in the mirror just as much as women do.” So the truth comes out!

2012-12-18 post pic 2

Thanks for reading!

Xoxo,

Olivia Poglianich & the Project Soulmate Team

To find out even more of these honest hotties had to say, visit http://www.shape.com/lifestyle/sex-and-love/14-things-men-wish-women-knew?page=1.