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Relationship Bods: Don’t be a Victim

Relationship Bod

Ah, the honeymoon stage… A time for countless amounts of sex; dinner, lunch, and brunch dates everyday; and movie nights in with big bottles of wine for two. Oh and you might not notice it now, but it’s also the time for you to gain about 10-20 extra pounds in all the wrong places! We call it: The Relationship Bod.

I like to think of the honeymoon stage of your relationship like your freshman year of college. It freakin’ rocks, but you don’t notice all the weight you’re putting on. Eventually, whether it’s your junior year of college or your last, you start to realize (and you start majorly regretting) all those late night pizza orders, and 12 packs of beer you finished in an hour are catching up to you. The same happens with your relationship. You start out super excited and happy that you finally have someone to explore all those New York restaurants with. And your pumped that on weekends you get to just snuggle in bed all day, rather than go out and try to meet new people. Unfortunately, just like the 12 packs you downed freshman year of college, these new habits from your relationship will start taking a toll on your body, too.

The question is what do you do now that you’re realizing you have fallen victim to the dreaded Relationship Bod?? Project Soulmate has some ideas. The best trend going on right now is the development of tons of hip new workout studios like aerial yoga, or cross fit training facilities. A great idea would be to have you and your boyfriend/girlfriend join together. Maybe have some friendly competition, and in no time you two will be back to being babes. Another idea from our professional matchmakers is to start cooking your own meals. There are so many videos circulating Facebook right now with healthy meals that are easy to make (especially with two people) and look absolutely delicious. Not only does this help improve your health, but it makes your wallet happier, too.

So, yes, it is great that you’ve finally found love in New York City with someone who thinks you are beautiful no matter what, but that doesn’t mean you should just give up on yourself!! According to our relationship expert’s, one key to a long lasting, healthy relationship is pleasing and impressing your partner everyday. Give our tips a try, and if you ever need any more advice, Project Soulmate is always open to help!

 

Emily Stovall

How to Find the Cheater

How to Find the Cheater

Have you been noticing some shady things your boyfriend’s been doing lately? Like changing his pass code… deleting texts… or even blowing off plans? Well I know you might not want to admit it, but your boyfriend sounds like a cheater.

The absolute worst thing to happen in a relationship, is to find out your significant other has been cheating on you. So wouldn’t you like to find out sooner, rather than later? Project Soulmate thinks so. We think you shouldn’t waste your time on someone who is clearly not as invested in the relationship as you are. We know most people are genuine, and not cheaters, but on the off chance that you happen to be dating a scummy-mc-scummers, our relationship experts have come up with some clues for you to look out for.

Let’s start with some obvious red flags: you notice he’s been deleting text messages. I’m not talking about if he’s been doing this the whole time you’ve know him, and he’s just doing it to save space; I’m talking about the guy who has recently started. And for some reason, he really doesn’t want anyone seeing these mysterious text messages. Obviously we don’t condone “snooping” because that shows a lack of trust and disrespect for personal privacy, so our love experts suggest that maybe the first thing you should do is to ask him upfront. If he answers quickly, and doesn’t seem nervous, then I’m sure you’re fine; if not, though, then you might’ve found yourself a cheater.

The next obvious is that they are frequently blowing off plans. Your boyfriend/girlfriend should want to spend time with you, and hopefully in a healthy relationship, they should want to spend about as much time with you as you do with them. So even if he’s not cheating, and is just blowing off plans because he’s “had enough of you for the week,” it’s probably time to dump him anyways. But, if he is cheating, blowing off plans is a definite sign. He might have some great excuse, but more than three or four times seems a little fishy to me. Start asking the real questions like a blunt “Are you cheating on me” and see what he can come up with.

How to Find the Cheater

Sometimes it’s not so easy to see, though, so then you get dragged along in a yearlong relationship only to find out from a friend who saw him out with another girl last night. We don’t want that to happen, I can already see the embarrassment of finding out that way, and it’s killing me. So if you’re already starting to feel like he might be cheating, but you aren’t noticing any “obvious” signs, maybe pay attention to some of these… The first is that out of nowhere he seems to be caring a lot more about his appearance when he’s going to work or just going to hang out with friends. This could mean he’s been buying nicer clothes to wear, or has even begun working out a lot more to get his body in shape. Another sign might be that he has started being overly attentive towards you or started giving you gifts unexpectedly when he’s never done that before. This can sometimes be a sign of guilt, and he’s trying to balance out the fact that he’s been cheating.

The best advice Project Soulmate can give you if you feel like your man or your girl is cheating on you is to ask them upfront. You can get a lot from their answer just by how nervous they may get, how quickly they may try to change the subject, or even if they try to immediately put the blame back on you. If you are feeling “iffy” about your relationship, whether it’s because your significant other is cheating or not, maybe the most important thing to do is to look at the big picture and realize that a happy, healthy relationship won’t have any doubts at all and it could be time to move on.

If after checking out these clues, and unfortunately discovering your significant other has been cheating, then don’t worry. The world is not over, and I can promise you there is someone else out there willing to treat you like the queen you are. Project Soulmate is just here to help you weed out the bad cookies, and to help you find the good ones. Relationships are our forte, and happy, healthy ones are our favorite!

 

Emily Stovall

Marriage: Told by Three Generations

Successful Marriage
In the midst of this 21st century world of dating in New York and marriages, it seems so common for people to break-up or get divorced. But why? I’ve been trying to figure out why this seems to happen so frequently now a days because 1. It’s interesting, and 2. I want to avoid it happening to me! So I thought it would be cool for the relationship experts over at Project Soulmate to see how three different generations would answer this simple question: What are five things that make a successful marriage?

I asked this question to my sister who has recently been married, to my mother who has been married to my dad for 27 years, and to my grandma who was married to my grandpa for 57 years until his passing. Now I’m not saying any of them are relationship experts, but they’ve definitely got some experience under their belt. I was not sure what kind of responses I would get, if they’d be identical or drastically different, but I thought that either way it could give some insight into the difficult world of marriage. So here are their answers, word for word. Check them out and see what you think; I mean I might’ve just hacked the secret for a long-lasting marriage

Successful Marriage

Celeste – 26 Years Old, Newlywed

  1. Communication
  2. Doing things together, but also having alone time
  3. Supporting one another’s goals
  4. Being able to make the other laugh, like singing “fireflies” by Owl City
  5. SEX

Tara – 54 Years Old, Married for 27 Years and Counting

  1. Take Care of yourself/stay in shape/exercise; and if you are a stay at home mom, still fix your hair and put on your makeup
  2. Send gifts/flowers etc. to his work or place of business, just because, not because you are apologizing for something
  3. Have time separate from each other – encourage guy trips/girl trips with friends
  4. When it comes to household finances get and stay on the same page
  5. Sit down to dinner together whenever possible… Even if it means eating at odd times
  6. Always have time for him, ask yourself; “If my best friend form high school walked in the door, would I be too tiredSuccesful Marriage to do something with her?”

Marietta – 79 Years Old, Married for 57 Years

  1. Have to be agreeable when raising your children, when you punish them and everything
  2. Considerate of each other, not selfish
  3. Have to love each other
  4. Willing to wait on them, to take care of them in sickness or in health
  5. Go to church together

 

After going through their answers, they did seem to be very different, but also had some general things that matched. For example, they all agree that communication is very important, whether it is about finances or raising kids, you and your hubby/wifey need to communicate and be on the same page. Another one that stuck out most to me, was how important it is to make time for one another, and to definitely not be selfish when it comes to your relationship. It might seem ridiculous, and there’s clearly no science behind it, but I think these tips could be really useful. If nothing else, I can assure you that these people, no matter how long it’s been, are still very in love; so that’s enough science for me!

The first thing on your agenda, though, is finding the guy/girl to even consider for marriage. And Project Soulmate knows just how to find them!!

 

Emily Stovall

Do Couples Who Workout Together… Work Out?

Group of friends enjoying walk in park

Originally written for the Dasha Wellness NYC blog October 11, 2012

Fitness couples. You know ’em.  The hot couple working out together at the gym, prepping for a marathon in Central Park, or going mountain climbing or hiking as their weekend activity. However, sometimes these “fitness couples” get a bad rap. Why is this? Maybe it makes everyone else bitter/jealous that more often than not we spend time eating, having cocktails, and sitting on the couch with our significant other and secretly wishing we were more active together? I’d say that whatever a couple likes to do together is a good thing. Outsiders should MYOB :).

Whether or not a couple works out together really depends on the couple- there is no need to keep this aspect of life separate! If fitness is something that you both enjoy, then of course, do it together! One of my favorite ways to spend time with my husband is when I roller blade and he runs! However, when giving advice to someone planning a first date, I never suggest planning anything too active or outdoorsy. It is way too much pressure on daters to prove themselves right off the bat! A first date should be relaxed where the couple can make eye contact.

After couples have been dating for a while, a situation that can cause the relationship to run into trouble is when one person pressures the other to work out or tone up. Clearly fitness is important for good health, but I think pressure of any kind isn’t a good thing. A person will become resentful, and chances are, your request will backfire. Everyone is the boss of his or her own body, so don’t project your insecurity onto your partner. However, if your partner is complaining about wanting to tone up or get in shape, then by all means offer ideas!

Until next time,

xoxo Lori Zaslow
Matchmaker & Co-Founder
Project Soulmate