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Online Dating Genius: Cool Vacay, But I Don't Care

Online Dating Genius: The Travel Pics

Welcome to #6 of Online Dating Genius: A blog series brought to you by the online dating experts at your favorite NYC Matchmaking Service, Project Soulmate! Each post we will reveal another “do-not” in the world of online dating.

As usual, if you online date, you will relate!

Online Dating Genius: Cool Vacay, But I Don't Care

So, what is on the agenda this week? Hopefully not uploading too many pictures from your vacation to your online dating profile.

Picture this: the girl of your dreams has just gone through about 20 different online dating profiles, and after reading what each had to say about themselves (yes guys, females actually read every word), 8 stick out most and you made the cut! Problem is, on paper all 8 of you seem pretty similar because you each fit the criteria she entered into the search bar. Now she has to determine who she really wants to meet. How will she go about doing that? The same way you make that decision, from the photos! Luckily you have already passed the hard part – a really well written profile – but will she find you attractive enough? Will your pics make or break her decision?  Here is where your one-too-many vacation pics become a huge problem for your online dating profile.

Sure we all think your 30 day excursion to Hong Kong was awesome, you seem very worldly and fun to be with and we’re all really jealous, but (1) stop rubbing it in, and (2) did we really need 20 pics of your trip while we still barely know what your face looks like?! Are you offering Hong Kong itself? You can see the problem here. The tiebreaker between Other Guy and You has just been broken and you lost. Girl Of Your Dreams could not figure out what you look like and to make matters worse, now she thinks you are weird for posting all those random pics.

We’re not saying cut them out completely; sometimes they give your dating profile a little character and can set you apart. Just limit them to maybe one or two and ideally, you are in them. If not, include a caption about why that moment stood out to you. Show her who you are.  Either way, you must have a variety of good pics of yourself in the mix.

In the future, try to keep in mind that this is a dating website and not a social media website or Trip Advisor. People are looking for a potential date and often for the love of their life, not a travel agent. Why not show off all of your favorite vacation pictures after you and your new date get a little closer? Impress her by “friending” her on Facebook where she can look at your travel pics all she wants!

Don’t let these common mistakes discourage you, though. We know how tough online dating is, but there are so many other strategies that actually work in your favor. Covering your profile with vacation pictures is simply not one of them.

Project Soulmate is able to offer you helpful tips to make your online dating profile stand out from the crowd, and through our assistance with profile writing, photography, coaching, and account management services we make this whole “finding the love of my life” thing a piece of cake. Our professional matchmakers are always available and willing to help, just Click here for more info!  Or Contact Us and ask!

Check out these Online Dating Genius previous posts: The Offspring Pic, The Bathroom Selfie, The Height Exaggeration, and The Hot Chick In Your Pic.

Find more good stuff here: Twitter: @projectsoulmate   Facebook: Like us!   Pinterest:  Project Soulmate

Emily Stovall

Emily Stovall is our powerhouse Marketing and Business Management Intern.

Jane Rudes is a Communication Consultant and the Online Division Director at Project Soulmate. She is happy to answer questions for interested and prospective online clients regarding common online dating woes and what we can do for your online accounts.  

Relationship Advice: Is Long Distance Worth It?

Long Distance

Long distance… is it really worth it? Unfortunately I find myself asking this question way more often than I should. See the problem is, I have always stood by the idea that long distance will not work, but low and behold… I am in a long distance relationship right now. This has led me to question things like “what makes mine different,” or “why do I think mine will actually work;” and it made me realize certain factors that I think can help decide if long distance is really worth it or not.

I’ll start by explaining why I think long distance is not meant to be and why I believe it will not work. The main reason is because long distance means you completely lose the physical and tangible affection and enjoyment spent with a person when the relationship is solely connected by a phone or video chat. I think one of the best and most important parts of a relationship is the physical attraction felt by two people, and the pride each person feels when they get to be seen in public with their significant other. In a long distance relationship, however, it completely takes that aspect of a relationship away. I know it can be difficult to actually find love in NYC sometimes, so you don’t want to let it go, but after reading this hopefully you’ll be able to make the right decision for your relationship and maybe consider looking to some professional matchmakers for help!

So, with that in mind, here’s what you should think about if you are deciding whether or not to go on with this long distance relationship

The first factor is whether or not the relationship began on long distance or if it became long distance. If it is the first, meaning your entire relationship from talking to actually dating has been long distance, then I’m sorry I don’t think it is worth it, and it won’t work in the long run. Why? Because, whether we like to admit it or not, people are fake. I think if you are looking to actually settle down it is crucial to see how a person lives, but if youLong Distance have never even stepped foot on the front steps of their house, let alone even been inside, then you really cannot make true judgments on this person. You are unable to tell how they are in public, how social they are, or how smelly of a person they are and these are essential in determining the success of a relationship.

If your relationship was not long distance from the start, but became it due to some outside factor such as work or school (like me!), then I believe your relationship might have a chance! That’s right, I said might and the reason for that leads me to the next factor. This factor is whether or not you guys have set a deadline for each other. As I have stated before, I believe a physical connection is important, so the option of just remaining long distance forever after this point is not a good choice, in my opinion. I think it would be very beneficial for your relationship if you set a time frame, maybe like a year at the most, that can give you each a chance to determine if you can move to each other or if you should just move on from each other.

The last factor is travel. I’m sure this is a common occurrence while dating in New York, but sometimes people do not realize the problems it can have on a relationship. The issue is that Yay you have finally found Long Distancelove in New York, but now you’re not sure if it is working due to all of this travel for work. If your significant other seems to be traveling so much that you are beginning to feel out of touch with each other, perhaps you should ask if you could go with them every now and then. Do not interfere with their work, obviously, but studies have shown that going to sleep together every night can actually lead to a longer and healthier relationship, so try and make that happen! If you are not allowed to travel with them, then try to at least make their times back home very special. But, if these changes do not seem to be helping, then it may be time to cut your losses and move on.

It’s the hard truth, and sometimes the best choice is not always the easiest, but it has to be done. There are so many people in this world that if you can’t find a good guy, I know a couple people that can help… You might have heard of them… does Project Soulmate ring a bell?

Emily Stovall

Will he go the distance?

When embarking on a new relationship, the question is posed.. where should you meet? Relationship Experts Lori and Jenn suggest meeting at a location that is as close to an equal travel distance as possible. This will allow for a neutral location and start the date off on an even playing field. If you come all the way to him, it will eliminate the chase.

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Men love the chase. If a woman travels all the way to the man (especially for the first date) the man will not have to put in ANY work. This could lead to you being much more interested than he is. Does this sound like something you would do? Think about past relationships… were you the one making all the decisions and consistently in charge? It’s time to let this old habit go and let the man lead the way. This will set the stage for a healthy relationship.

If he comes all the way to you… congrats, this guy could be a keeper. It’s important to remember that you ARE worth their time and energy. If they are willing to travel an hour downtown to meet you, let them. This shows commitment right off the bat. It will set the tone for a good potential relationship. However, there is nothing wrong with returning the favor later on down the road. As I always say, relationships are a two way street. If you are blindly meeting someone online or unsure about this person, make sure you meet halfway so there is no option to come back with you.

So you’ve figured out the area… Now where should you meet?

Meet up for a quick drink! You will know on first sight if there is chemistry there. If it isn’t, this quick date will make it easy to leave if you aren’t feeling it.
Grab a bite to eat and have dinner together, go enjoy the changing of the seasons with a walk around the park! Anything that will allow for stimulating conversation is a good choice. Going to the movies or meeting to go to a friends party will not truly allow you to see if a connection is there.

     Dating in NYC can be hard, especially with subways, taxis, and traffic involved. However, keep in mind that if both people put in the effort to make a relationship work, there is a much greater chance that it will end in happiness! Who knows…. your next date could be your soulmate!

 

BY: LILY DOERFLER

Top 3 Mistakes Men Make On The First Date

Celebuzz featured Lori Zaslow of Project Soulmate back in 2012, discussing mistakes men make on their first date which can prevent them from finding “the one”.
(see the original article here)

Lori Zaslow believes that love is as essential to living as air. On Bravo’s reality series, Love Broker, the matchmaker helped men understand how to make their best first impression in order to snag that all-important love match.

“They definitely improve,” Zaslow tells Celebuzz of her clients who listen to her advice. “If they took the skills and the feedback and were able to implement it, even if it wasn’t like sparks everywhere, at least they knew maybe how to act a little more present or put their best foot forward or smell better or whatever the situation was, and they took the advice.”

Of course, before love can happen, men have to get the all-important second date. Zaslow clues Celebuzz’s readers in on the three biggest mistakes men make on first dates – take a look at her list below.

1. Not being present. “They’re on their Blackberry, or they’re thinking about work, or thinking about a past relationship, rather than just being in the moment,” Zaslow explains.

2. Giving up too soon. “Men really do work outside in and they’re much more visual creatures, which is fine and fair,” she points out. “But I think sometimes, they don’t give a second chance like a woman would. They cut it off right then and there. And sometimes I see with my clients, the minute the attraction’s not there, they can’t give that kindness and positive energy to the date.”

3. Giving in to fear of rejection. “[Men are] so much more afraid of rejection that they don’t always respond with their emotions,” the Project Soulmate co-founder tells us. “So, they might not let a girl back. For instance, right now, I have a client that’s like, ‘You know what, I emailed her Sunday and I waited until Wednesday and texted her.’ Why would you wait? That’s three or four days, another guy’s going to get right in there and that’s it, she’s off the market.”

Choosing The Perfect Matching Service For YOUR Love Life

HOW TO CHOOSE THE BEST MATCHMAKER FOR YOUR LOVE LIFE

2012-12-20 postDating Interview: As Matchmakers We Represent You with Lori Zaslow & Jennifer Zucher
see the original MyTreat interview here

Lori Zaslow and Jennifer Zucher are the duo behind, Project Soulmate, one of Manhattan’s premier matchmakers for elite singles. They were also the stars of the Bravo TV reality show, Love Brokers. Today we were able to track them down and pick their brains on the world of matchmaking.

 

How does Project Soulmate, your professional matchmaking service, work? What’s the process like when someone comes to you and says “help me find someone”?

Our client base is made up of commitment minded men and women from the New York tri-state area and South Florida who have put their love lives in our hands; our database is populated with individuals who are looking for their other half and our process has a proven track record of success.

The first thing we do is meet with them, get to know them and see if there is a mutual connection. We want to make sure we are in sync and that we can find what they are looking for. We want to make sure our expectations are in line.

Sites like eharmony have long surveys they make people fill out and based on computer algorithms they figure out who matches with who. What’s different about how you guys approaching making matches?

Not only do we make people fill out a short questionnaire, we actually meet people one on one to learn about them, what they are looking for and we work together. There is no algorithm to love!

A lot of people like to play matchmaker whether they are good or not at it. What makes a good matchmaker?

Someone who is a great listener, unbiased, nonjudgmental, listening to what you have to say while learning what you need, who has a network different from your current network. People can’t be everywhere at once, so it’s our job to be at places where you can’t be…we represent you.

What should people be looking for in a matchmaker if they are considering using a formal one?

Someone who is in their city or town, feels you like connect with so they can commit to helping you, look for references and referrals. Someone that is open with you and doesn’t over promise.

How much matchmaking is actually coaching versus just finding them the “right” person? Does it ever happen where someone says they want XYZ in a person, but it turns out what they say they want isn’t necessarily good for them? How do you handle those situations?

We guide our clients, not coach our clients. We offer feedback and tell you what the other people really thought about you without a filter. We have an open rapport where we take on clients that we express; we listen to their needs and wants. When they start dating, they realize on their own, that XYZ personality traits might not compliment theirs. In the situations that things don’t work out our job is to handle it, we are hands on.

What do you think is biggest reason why people have trouble finding the right mate?

They think they are open and they are not. Also, not making love their first priority.

Connect with Lori or Jennifer:

Site: https://projectsoulmate.com
Company Twitter: https://twitter.com/ProjectSoulmate
Lori’s Twitter: @LoriZaslow
Jennifer’s Twitter: @JennZucher