Posts

Online Dating Genius: The Sunglass Psycho

screenshot-2016-09-13-18-51-11

Once upon a high school, I had a crush on this boy named Brendon. He was just my type; tall, athletic, and smart. A true triple threat that I couldn’t get enough of. I loved everything about him from his dirty gym sneakers to his worn out baseball cap he never took off…or so I thought. One afternoon after practice, I caught a glimpse of him as he was walking out of the locker room, as he always did – except this time without his favorite orange and blue ‘Bulldogs’ cap.

I learned a very valuable lesson that day; never trust anyone who is wearing a hat. I learned to stay away from “those kind” at a young age, however, as I grew older those kind started evolving. Hat-wearing was replaced with something even more disguising – sunglasses.

What’s so sinful about wearing sunglasses you ask? Everything.

Wearing sunglasses can make you appear unapproachable. Although many may think celebrities sport their designer shades everywhere to look cool, this isn’t really the case – having a million dollars already makes them look cool. Celebrities wear them because they actually don’t want to be approached, and that’s okay. Unfortunately, you are not famous and being approachable is a quality you’ll need when applying for jobs – and especially with online dating.

Wearing shades can cause you to look, well, shady. What are you trying to hide? A few crows feet? Dark circles? We all have our list of imperfections, but when online dating it is better to have full disclosure about your appearance than to try to hide your insecurities. Either way, if and when the person behind the screen chooses to meet with you for coffee, they’re going to discover who you really are. Best to not waste anyone’s time, and avoid looking like an “A-hole”.

Wearing sunglasses in your profile picture is equivalent to adding too much filter in a photo:

superedited

Now, I’m not saying that you must remove sunglasses before all pics, nor that you don’t have the right to dislike how you look underneath those shades. Beach photos, barbecue pics, baseball game memories; share all of that with us. We want to know you’re a fun person that protects your eyes when necessary. Just don’t choose a shot with sunglasses on as your profile picture. Choose one where your eyes are visible and you’re smiling, preferably. Make the first impression count.

Research shows that eye blockage in a profile picture can decrease your likability by -0.36. It only takes one click for anyone to move on to that next profile. Everyone knows the portal to one’s soul lies within the eyes. Covering them may be blocking true love from finding you. Free the pupils!

Written by Christina Madera

Christina Madera is our hilariously bright Business and Communications Intern.

Did you know that Project Soulmate offers professional photo coaching and other management services for your online dating accounts?

Jane Rudes is a Communication Consultant and our Online Division Director at Project Soulmate. Jane is happy to speak with any interested, prospective clients about our online dating services and answer questions about online profiles or other common online dating woes.

Click here for more info!  Or Contact Us and ask!

Find more genius advice by checking out some of our other Online Dating Genius posts like:  

The Height Exaggeration, The Offspring Pic, The Hot Chick In Your Pic, or The Not Your Baby Pic and more!

Find more good stuff here: Twitter: @projectsoulmate   Facebook: Like us!   Pinterest:  Project Soulmate

 

How to Find the Cheater

How to Find the Cheater

Have you been noticing some shady things your boyfriend’s been doing lately? Like changing his pass code… deleting texts… or even blowing off plans? Well I know you might not want to admit it, but your boyfriend sounds like a cheater.

The absolute worst thing to happen in a relationship, is to find out your significant other has been cheating on you. So wouldn’t you like to find out sooner, rather than later? Project Soulmate thinks so. We think you shouldn’t waste your time on someone who is clearly not as invested in the relationship as you are. We know most people are genuine, and not cheaters, but on the off chance that you happen to be dating a scummy-mc-scummers, our relationship experts have come up with some clues for you to look out for.

Let’s start with some obvious red flags: you notice he’s been deleting text messages. I’m not talking about if he’s been doing this the whole time you’ve know him, and he’s just doing it to save space; I’m talking about the guy who has recently started. And for some reason, he really doesn’t want anyone seeing these mysterious text messages. Obviously we don’t condone “snooping” because that shows a lack of trust and disrespect for personal privacy, so our love experts suggest that maybe the first thing you should do is to ask him upfront. If he answers quickly, and doesn’t seem nervous, then I’m sure you’re fine; if not, though, then you might’ve found yourself a cheater.

The next obvious is that they are frequently blowing off plans. Your boyfriend/girlfriend should want to spend time with you, and hopefully in a healthy relationship, they should want to spend about as much time with you as you do with them. So even if he’s not cheating, and is just blowing off plans because he’s “had enough of you for the week,” it’s probably time to dump him anyways. But, if he is cheating, blowing off plans is a definite sign. He might have some great excuse, but more than three or four times seems a little fishy to me. Start asking the real questions like a blunt “Are you cheating on me” and see what he can come up with.

How to Find the Cheater

Sometimes it’s not so easy to see, though, so then you get dragged along in a yearlong relationship only to find out from a friend who saw him out with another girl last night. We don’t want that to happen, I can already see the embarrassment of finding out that way, and it’s killing me. So if you’re already starting to feel like he might be cheating, but you aren’t noticing any “obvious” signs, maybe pay attention to some of these… The first is that out of nowhere he seems to be caring a lot more about his appearance when he’s going to work or just going to hang out with friends. This could mean he’s been buying nicer clothes to wear, or has even begun working out a lot more to get his body in shape. Another sign might be that he has started being overly attentive towards you or started giving you gifts unexpectedly when he’s never done that before. This can sometimes be a sign of guilt, and he’s trying to balance out the fact that he’s been cheating.

The best advice Project Soulmate can give you if you feel like your man or your girl is cheating on you is to ask them upfront. You can get a lot from their answer just by how nervous they may get, how quickly they may try to change the subject, or even if they try to immediately put the blame back on you. If you are feeling “iffy” about your relationship, whether it’s because your significant other is cheating or not, maybe the most important thing to do is to look at the big picture and realize that a happy, healthy relationship won’t have any doubts at all and it could be time to move on.

If after checking out these clues, and unfortunately discovering your significant other has been cheating, then don’t worry. The world is not over, and I can promise you there is someone else out there willing to treat you like the queen you are. Project Soulmate is just here to help you weed out the bad cookies, and to help you find the good ones. Relationships are our forte, and happy, healthy ones are our favorite!

 

Emily Stovall

Marriage: Told by Three Generations

Successful Marriage
In the midst of this 21st century world of dating in New York and marriages, it seems so common for people to break-up or get divorced. But why? I’ve been trying to figure out why this seems to happen so frequently now a days because 1. It’s interesting, and 2. I want to avoid it happening to me! So I thought it would be cool for the relationship experts over at Project Soulmate to see how three different generations would answer this simple question: What are five things that make a successful marriage?

I asked this question to my sister who has recently been married, to my mother who has been married to my dad for 27 years, and to my grandma who was married to my grandpa for 57 years until his passing. Now I’m not saying any of them are relationship experts, but they’ve definitely got some experience under their belt. I was not sure what kind of responses I would get, if they’d be identical or drastically different, but I thought that either way it could give some insight into the difficult world of marriage. So here are their answers, word for word. Check them out and see what you think; I mean I might’ve just hacked the secret for a long-lasting marriage

Successful Marriage

Celeste – 26 Years Old, Newlywed

  1. Communication
  2. Doing things together, but also having alone time
  3. Supporting one another’s goals
  4. Being able to make the other laugh, like singing “fireflies” by Owl City
  5. SEX

Tara – 54 Years Old, Married for 27 Years and Counting

  1. Take Care of yourself/stay in shape/exercise; and if you are a stay at home mom, still fix your hair and put on your makeup
  2. Send gifts/flowers etc. to his work or place of business, just because, not because you are apologizing for something
  3. Have time separate from each other – encourage guy trips/girl trips with friends
  4. When it comes to household finances get and stay on the same page
  5. Sit down to dinner together whenever possible… Even if it means eating at odd times
  6. Always have time for him, ask yourself; “If my best friend form high school walked in the door, would I be too tiredSuccesful Marriage to do something with her?”

Marietta – 79 Years Old, Married for 57 Years

  1. Have to be agreeable when raising your children, when you punish them and everything
  2. Considerate of each other, not selfish
  3. Have to love each other
  4. Willing to wait on them, to take care of them in sickness or in health
  5. Go to church together

 

After going through their answers, they did seem to be very different, but also had some general things that matched. For example, they all agree that communication is very important, whether it is about finances or raising kids, you and your hubby/wifey need to communicate and be on the same page. Another one that stuck out most to me, was how important it is to make time for one another, and to definitely not be selfish when it comes to your relationship. It might seem ridiculous, and there’s clearly no science behind it, but I think these tips could be really useful. If nothing else, I can assure you that these people, no matter how long it’s been, are still very in love; so that’s enough science for me!

The first thing on your agenda, though, is finding the guy/girl to even consider for marriage. And Project Soulmate knows just how to find them!!

 

Emily Stovall

Online Dating Genius: Cool Vacay, But I Don't Care

Online Dating Genius: The Travel Pics

Welcome to #6 of Online Dating Genius: A blog series brought to you by the online dating experts at your favorite NYC Matchmaking Service, Project Soulmate! Each post we will reveal another “do-not” in the world of online dating.

As usual, if you online date, you will relate!

Online Dating Genius: Cool Vacay, But I Don't Care

So, what is on the agenda this week? Hopefully not uploading too many pictures from your vacation to your online dating profile.

Picture this: the girl of your dreams has just gone through about 20 different online dating profiles, and after reading what each had to say about themselves (yes guys, females actually read every word), 8 stick out most and you made the cut! Problem is, on paper all 8 of you seem pretty similar because you each fit the criteria she entered into the search bar. Now she has to determine who she really wants to meet. How will she go about doing that? The same way you make that decision, from the photos! Luckily you have already passed the hard part – a really well written profile – but will she find you attractive enough? Will your pics make or break her decision?  Here is where your one-too-many vacation pics become a huge problem for your online dating profile.

Sure we all think your 30 day excursion to Hong Kong was awesome, you seem very worldly and fun to be with and we’re all really jealous, but (1) stop rubbing it in, and (2) did we really need 20 pics of your trip while we still barely know what your face looks like?! Are you offering Hong Kong itself? You can see the problem here. The tiebreaker between Other Guy and You has just been broken and you lost. Girl Of Your Dreams could not figure out what you look like and to make matters worse, now she thinks you are weird for posting all those random pics.

We’re not saying cut them out completely; sometimes they give your dating profile a little character and can set you apart. Just limit them to maybe one or two and ideally, you are in them. If not, include a caption about why that moment stood out to you. Show her who you are.  Either way, you must have a variety of good pics of yourself in the mix.

In the future, try to keep in mind that this is a dating website and not a social media website or Trip Advisor. People are looking for a potential date and often for the love of their life, not a travel agent. Why not show off all of your favorite vacation pictures after you and your new date get a little closer? Impress her by “friending” her on Facebook where she can look at your travel pics all she wants!

Don’t let these common mistakes discourage you, though. We know how tough online dating is, but there are so many other strategies that actually work in your favor. Covering your profile with vacation pictures is simply not one of them.

Project Soulmate is able to offer you helpful tips to make your online dating profile stand out from the crowd, and through our assistance with profile writing, photography, coaching, and account management services we make this whole “finding the love of my life” thing a piece of cake. Our professional matchmakers are always available and willing to help, just Click here for more info!  Or Contact Us and ask!

Check out these Online Dating Genius previous posts: The Offspring Pic, The Bathroom Selfie, The Height Exaggeration, and The Hot Chick In Your Pic.

Find more good stuff here: Twitter: @projectsoulmate   Facebook: Like us!   Pinterest:  Project Soulmate

Emily Stovall

Emily Stovall is our powerhouse Marketing and Business Management Intern.

Jane Rudes is a Communication Consultant and the Online Division Director at Project Soulmate. She is happy to answer questions for interested and prospective online clients regarding common online dating woes and what we can do for your online accounts.  

Online Dating Genius

Online Dating Genius: The Bathroom Selfie

Introducing Online Dating Genius: A new blog series brought to you by the online dating experts at your favorite NYC Matchmaking Service, Project Soulmate!  Each week we will reveal another “do-not” in online dating.

If you online date, you will relate.

Online Dating Genius

The Bathroom Selfie

Gentlemen, you may think you look great that day. Maybe you do. Problem is – women are much more likely to notice your background bedroom mess and be turned off by the unwarranted glimpse into your bathroom, than be turned on by your “hot” look.

Data shows men who include photos of themselves looking away from the camera get more responses. Just ask a friend to take a candid of you at the beach, when you’re dressed well for work or while going out at night. If you’re alone, at least use the timer on your smartphone cam. The mirror is not your friend! Get out of the bathroom…and the bedroom. Always be mindful of your background.

Relationship experts say that most women click away from male profiles that include selfies. Especially shirtless selfies. Worse…shirtless bathroom selfies. This strategy can negatively imply a lot about you. Women online often perceive men who use selfies as shallow, lonely or not confident enough to ask someone else to take their photo. You should aim for pics that highlight your personality and your hobbies. A great matchmaking tip is to include a minimum of one clear headshot, one candid with a nice smile, a clean-cut full-length picture of you dressed more formally and one shot taken while doing something you love. Mirror pics and shirtless selfies will backfire for men when it comes to dating women online, so bottom line guys…selfies are a do-not.

Written by Jane Rudes

Did you know that Project Soulmate offers professional photo coaching and management services for your online dating accounts? Click here for more info!  Or Contact Us and ask!

Up next…Kids in your pics, photos with friends, height or age fibbing and more!

Stay tuned each week and find more good stuff here:

Check out these Online Dating Genius previous posts:  The Height Exaggeration, The Offspring Pic, The Hot Chick In Your Pic, and The Not Your Baby Pic. 

Find more good stuff here: Twitter: @projectsoulmate   Facebook: Like us!   Pinterest:  Project Soulmate

Jane Rudes is a Communication Consultant as well as the Online Division Director at Project Soulmate. Jane is happy to speak with interested prospective online clients about their online profile and other common online dating woes. 

 

Choosing The Perfect Matching Service For YOUR Love Life

HOW TO CHOOSE THE BEST MATCHMAKER FOR YOUR LOVE LIFE

2012-12-20 postDating Interview: As Matchmakers We Represent You with Lori Zaslow & Jennifer Zucher
see the original MyTreat interview here

Lori Zaslow and Jennifer Zucher are the duo behind, Project Soulmate, one of Manhattan’s premier matchmakers for elite singles. They were also the stars of the Bravo TV reality show, Love Brokers. Today we were able to track them down and pick their brains on the world of matchmaking.

 

How does Project Soulmate, your professional matchmaking service, work? What’s the process like when someone comes to you and says “help me find someone”?

Our client base is made up of commitment minded men and women from the New York tri-state area and South Florida who have put their love lives in our hands; our database is populated with individuals who are looking for their other half and our process has a proven track record of success.

The first thing we do is meet with them, get to know them and see if there is a mutual connection. We want to make sure we are in sync and that we can find what they are looking for. We want to make sure our expectations are in line.

Sites like eharmony have long surveys they make people fill out and based on computer algorithms they figure out who matches with who. What’s different about how you guys approaching making matches?

Not only do we make people fill out a short questionnaire, we actually meet people one on one to learn about them, what they are looking for and we work together. There is no algorithm to love!

A lot of people like to play matchmaker whether they are good or not at it. What makes a good matchmaker?

Someone who is a great listener, unbiased, nonjudgmental, listening to what you have to say while learning what you need, who has a network different from your current network. People can’t be everywhere at once, so it’s our job to be at places where you can’t be…we represent you.

What should people be looking for in a matchmaker if they are considering using a formal one?

Someone who is in their city or town, feels you like connect with so they can commit to helping you, look for references and referrals. Someone that is open with you and doesn’t over promise.

How much matchmaking is actually coaching versus just finding them the “right” person? Does it ever happen where someone says they want XYZ in a person, but it turns out what they say they want isn’t necessarily good for them? How do you handle those situations?

We guide our clients, not coach our clients. We offer feedback and tell you what the other people really thought about you without a filter. We have an open rapport where we take on clients that we express; we listen to their needs and wants. When they start dating, they realize on their own, that XYZ personality traits might not compliment theirs. In the situations that things don’t work out our job is to handle it, we are hands on.

What do you think is biggest reason why people have trouble finding the right mate?

They think they are open and they are not. Also, not making love their first priority.

Connect with Lori or Jennifer:

Site: https://projectsoulmate.com
Company Twitter: https://twitter.com/ProjectSoulmate
Lori’s Twitter: @LoriZaslow
Jennifer’s Twitter: @JennZucher

Blind Date Etiquette

Young couple sharing a glass of red wine in restaurant

Q: Is it okay to bring up my past relationships?

A:  No Ex talk! No one wants to hear about other dudes and ladies on a date, especially your “Ex’s”.  People get intimidated when a man or woman talks about another person they have never met.

Q: Who should make the first move after the first date?

A:  Let the Guy Make The Call. Never contact a guy after a first date…that’s his job! If you call him first you will always be the one who chases him.

Q: What should I wear on my first date?

A:  Sexy Not Slutty- Remember that a guy’s fantasy of your naked body will make him chase you to the end of the earth. Allow his imagination to run wild by wearing something sexy not slutty.

Q: Is it okay to talk about the future on a first date?

A:  Live in the moment.  Don’t talk about the future with your date. Nothing scares a guy more than a girl assuming he will want to hang out with her in the future.

Q: If I like her, when should I ask her out again?

A:  If you know you like the woman, before the first date ends, you should ask her out on another date.  You have to hug and at least kiss on the cheek at the end of every date. You have to end it warmly.

Q: How long should a first date last?

A:  You must spend no less than one hour on your blind date.  Lori insists you do not leave your date after 15 minutes even if you think it’s not going well. Open your mind to giving it ONE hour of your undivided attention and energy.