Online Dating Genius

Online Dating Genius: Height Exaggeration

Welcome to #2 of Online Dating Genius: A new blog series brought to you by the online dating experts at your favorite NYC Matchmaking Service, Project Soulmate! Each week we will reveal another “do-not” in online dating. If you online date, you will relate.

Own Your Mini-me-ness

Own Your Mini-me-ness

What’s the plan fellas? If your strategy is “just get her to meet me, then she’ll see how charming and funny I am, despite my height” all she will see is the way you handle your insecurities: with deception. This makes you much less attractive than if you were to actually be upfront about your height in a charming and funny way via your online profile.  

Pushing a maximum of one inch in your online dating profile might work. However, anything easily noticeable in person will be a waste of your (and their) future dating time.   Most women – and more importantly – women worth dating, would choose honesty over height.  

Being on the front lines of online dating with our clients, us matchmaking experts know how hard it is for guys listed at under 5’10” to get the most clicks.  Good news is that a majority of women online are willing to give you a chance despite feeling initially ambivalent about your online profile attractiveness – unlike men who mostly won’t engage online unless they feel highly attracted to a woman’s pics.  Data shows that women decide how attractive you are after meeting in person for at least 15 minutes . Hence, your personality plays the outweighing factor when she’s on the fence.

Own it guys.  If you put a taller height to appear in more online dating searches, then say something funny and honest about it in your summary to hitch her.  Humor and self-confidence are the keys to a woman’s heart.  Bottom line guys…height deception is a do-not.

Did you know that Project Soulmate offers professional photo coaching and management services for your online dating accounts? Click here for more info!  Or Contact Us and ask!

Up next…Kids in your pics, photos with friends, height or age fibbing and more!

Stay tuned each week and find more good stuff here:

Check out these Online Dating Genius previous posts:  The Bathroom SelfieThe Offspring Pic, The Hot Chick In Your Pic, and The Not Your Baby Pic.

Find more good stuff here: Twitter: @projectsoulmate   Facebook: Like us!   Pinterest:  Project Soulmate

Jane Rudes is a Communication Consultant as well as the Online Division Director at Project Soulmate. Jane is happy to speak with interested prospective online clients about their online profile and other common online dating woes. 

 

Love yourself first.

Love yourself first.

When thinking about your day to day life, what comes to the forefront? Your workload? Meeting a business partner? Trekking to a different neighborhood to see a friend? No matter what you are doing, do other people come first? This is commonplace in today’s society and sometimes it’s hard to remember to think about yourself. The phrase “self love is the best love” is true, but once you love yourself you can be open to loving others, and loving them wholeheartedly with no reservations. New York’s Elite Matchmakers think that loving yourself first will lead to extremely healthy and successful relationships. The best way to do this is make sure that you take care of yourself mind, body, and spirit.

If you find yourself hearing the phrase “treat yourself” and don’t know what that means… Here are a few tips to help you finding and accepting your best self.

treat yo self

1. Add some personal time to your schedule. If you work everyday and are constantly booked with friends on the weekends, try penciling yourself in instead. Sundays are great days to relax and unwind. Grab a book or try a new hobby like writing a blog, running, or even knitting. It important to maintain your interests so that you don’t end up feeling burnt out.

2. Follow the aforementioned phrase and treat yourself. If you’ve has a long week and want Shake Shack for dinner instead of cooking… do it! Sometimes even diets need to be broken to feel full. There is no point in going through life constantly wanting more. Life is all about choices and it’s best not to overthink small things like this. If you want it, go get it.

3. Enjoy some ‘tech-free time’. Studies say that we should unplug at least one hour before going to bed to maximize the effectiveness of sleep. This seems almost impossible in today’s age where emails are flooding your inbox every minute and social media is more prevalent than ever. Make a conscious effort to put your phone down before bed and you will be grateful, so will your cell phone bill.

4. Find ways to destress. It can be as simple as looking out of your window, taking a 5 minute stretch at work, or working out. Try drinking tea before you go to bed, chamomile been proven to decrease mild anxiety! No matter what it is that you do, do it because you want to, not because you have to.

5. Start a gratitude jar! Everyday (or whenever you remember) write down something on a slip of paper that you are grateful for, or a positive thing that happened that day. At the end of the year you will have a collection of little happy things to remind you how great life can be everyday.

Relationship Experts Lori and Jenn feel that it is important love yourself before you can open up to others and find your potential soulmate. Accepting yourself as you are is the best way to live your happiest life.

BY: LILY DOERFLER

New York's Top Matchmakers

Girl Code. Synonymous with Guy Code. Urban dictionary defines this as: “the code of guidelines that are girls most obey in order not to get kicked out of the community”. Ideals are often mentioned by the cast of the well- known MTV show. Whether you believe in these guidelines or not, you are bound to run into people who do. Codes like this can foster a sense of community or tear people apart. New York’s Top Matchmakers agree that following this code will lead to better friendships and relationships. Here are some scenarios to help navigate the crazy world of being a woman.

girl code

1. You and your friend are at a bar talking with a guy you just met. You think the one your friend is interested in is cute too. You…

A. Pretend like you don’t notice your friend is into him, you make your move.
B. Ask the cute guy to introduce you to some of his friends, why can’t you both have it all?
C. Go out on your own to find some new friends and give them some alone time.

The breakdown:If you answered A, good luck keeping that friend. Think more along the lines of ‘treat others the way you want to be treated’. If you chose B, you’re a good friend who is going to make the most out of this situation. There is nothing wrong with trying to make your night a little better, as long as you don’t ruin your friend’s fun. Picked C? You’re on the right track to making a good friend and finding a new guy.

 

2. You are looking to date again. It just so happens that the person of interest is the ex of your friend. You…
A. Pursue him, disregard that he has a history with your friend.
B. Find someone new to date!
C. Ask your friend if she would be okay with you getting to know him.

The breakdown:
Chose A? You’ve got some re-evaluating to do. If you choose the guy, especially without asking, you are guaranteed to be terminating your friendship and any level of respect that was once there. If you answered B, congratulations! You are a decent person. You’ve taken into account all of the potential issues and made the right choice. If C was your answer, I hope that you are not close friends. This is a sticky situation, if you feel like they really wouldn’t care, go ask. But, be wary that this may cause some problems down the line, whether they say it or not.

 

3. Your friend and her boyfriend broke up awhile ago and you would like to reach out as friends, he was always so fun to be around! You…
A. Realize this could have some negative consequences and leave it be.
B. Reach out, what’s the harm?
C. Ask your friend if she is comfortable with you reconnecting.

The breakdown:
If you chose A, you are very smart. No friend wants to be confronted about an ex when they are trying to move on. Picked B? Think again, friends will value you asking, it means you respect them. Some people do not show how much a breakup has affected them, and if you aren’t aware of this a bridge is likely to be burned in the process. You answered C… prepare for some potential awkwardness. Depending on how bad the breakup was, you could be landing yourself in some hot water for even asking.

 

Bottom line:
When in doubt, always ask. Mutual respect is the building block for any great friendship and breaking that down will have a negative affect on your relationshipNew York Dating can be hard, we get that but don’t mess with ex’s if you want to keep your friendship intact. Good friendships will lead to better intimate relationships. Above all, treat others the way you want to be treated and life will be a breeze.

 

BY: LILY DOERFLER

Dunkin vs. Starbucks: What Does Your Taste in Coffee Say About Your Taste in Guys?

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Dunkin’ or Starbucks? The long-standing debate of who makes the better coffee could also say a lot about your taste in men.

Dunkin’ Fanatics:

If your pick is Dunkin, you are into the “All-American” guy. You like a hard-working, reliable, and manly man. You appreciate someone that knows what they want, but is laid back at the same time. You like a guy who gets things done and who is there for you when you need them.

Starbucks Lovers:

If you’re a Starbucks lover you like your men well- put together and sophisticated. Generally, you are into the preppy type that lives a fast-paced life style. Your guy is usually sleek and charming or geek-chic and intelligent.

Appearance:

Dunkin’                                                                  Starbucks

imgres-4                                        image6

 

Residence:

Dunkin’                                                                 Starbucks

images-4                                   imgres-1

 

Pets:

Dunkin’                                                                  Starbucks

imgres-2                                   images-5

 

Friends:

Dunkin’                                                                   Starbucks

imgres-3                                images-6

 

You:

Dunkin’                                                                   Starbucks

imgres-8                                 imgres-8

 

By: Nicole Hartley

First Date Do’s & Dont’s

Embarking on a first date can be can be scary sometimes, regardless of if it’s a blind date or one that’s been set up by relationship experts. It can mean something as small as grabbing drinks or as extensive as a five course meal. Whatever the date may be, following these steps are a surefire way to make a great first impression.

 

Do:

Listen. As my grandfather used to say, “you’ve got 2 ears and one mouth for a reason”. This applies to everything in life, especially first dates. People love to talk about themselves and asking the right questions can really open a person up and start a great conversation. No one wants to be interrupted or feel like that can’t get a word in. Relationships are a two way street, give and take. The same goes for conversation.

Put your phone away. Whether you are texting, calling, or simply checking your phone for the time, you’ll make your date feel unimportant. So instead, wear a watch to keep track of time and let your friends know that you can’t be reached during those couple of hours so you wont be tempted to answer.

Wear something comfortable. And no, this does not mean jeans and a t-shirt. Make sure that the outfit you pick out is one that you’ve tested out before. Wearing 6 inch heels that make it impossible to walk are probably not the best choice.

Get excited. It’s not everyday that you get to dress up a bit, take advantage. When you see them, make sure to smile so they know you are happy to be there. Nothing makes a man feel great like a beautiful woman who is interested in him.

Bring your manners. Hopefully they’ll also bring theirs and open doors for you. Please and thank you’s can go a long way in life.

 

Don’t:

Assume that they are buying. Never forget your wallet at home. Even if they do pick up the tab (and in my opinion they should) not bringing a wallet could leave a bad impression. Also, if they want to split the bill and you have no money, things could get awkward, fast.

Get drunk. Sloppy first dates rarely lead to second ones. Know your limits so that you don’t end up drunk. Drinks are fun to have so you loosen up a bit, just don’t come unraveled.

Ask about exes. The reason you are on a date is to get know someone new, not to talk about your past. Exes can bring up bad experiences and can leave your date thinking that you are stuck in the past.

 

Above all, be yourself. Confidence is the most attractive quality a woman (or man) can possess.

BY: LILY DOERFLER

Dating Clichés That Are Not Actually Cliché

Clichés are the building blocks of our great-love expectations. In Pretty Woman when, Julia Roberts’ knight-in-shining armor is actually a business tycoon in a white stretch limo with roses in his hand (close enough). Or in The Notebook, when Ryan Gosling wrote letters to his love every day for a year to prove his devotion. Yes, these acts of true love are extreme and unrealistic, but not in their entirety…

We are told that clichés are silly and don’t mean a thing, well here at Project Soulmate, the Best Matchmaking Service in New York City, we disagree. Let’s boil these scenarios down to the aspects that should be considered romantic, not silly in the dating world.

Every woman loves flowers. That is a fact. If she says she doesn’t, then she is lying because even if there is a slight chance that she actually doesn’t like flowers, the gesture speaks for itself in a big way. When a man brings a woman flowers it shows her that he was thinking of her and went the extra mile just to make his woman smile a little more. Buying flowers does not have to be such an expensive ordeal either! There are few things more romantic than a single red rose.

Now, the white stretch limo; this is a bit of a stretch… but the point is not lost. The idea of planning a little in advance and showing the extra effort goes a long way. It does not have to be a limo, but making a reservation at a nice restaurant or buying surprise tickets to your significant others favorite show, movie, or sports team is unparalleled when it comes to a loving gesture. Simply showing that you made an effort will create those butterflies that we all search for.

And finally, the 365 love letters from Ryan Gosling. Again, the emphasis is on the point. Writing little notes to each other is very cute and endearing. If you have to leave for work before your partner gets up, leave a little note by the coffee pot that you set up for them, saying ‘have a great day! I love you’ or ‘Hope this coffee brightens up your day like you brighten up mine’. Or leaving a little note in the bathroom telling your partner how beautiful or handsome they look, even if you didn’t get to see them. These little notes are precious memories that can be saved in the drawers of your nightstands or in a scrapbook, and will bring you both happiness and giggles when you look back at them in the future.

I know we are all busy, especially in a city like New York, but do not let that stop you from taking the little steps that make a huge difference. Coming from the relationship experts, clichés are the way a happy, healthy and thriving relationship.

By: Alexia Chicles

How Picky is Too Picky When Searching for a Relationship?

Lately, it seems that no matter where we turn we’re faced with articles that say that our generation is “un-dateable” or “there are perfectly good reasons why you’re single!” At the end of the day, it doesn’t take a relationship expert to figure out why most of us are single. It’s because we’re too damn picky.

Don’t get me wrong- there’s no problem with knowing what you want in a relationship. That will save you a lot of time, emotions, and lipstick in the long run.

The problem we have is that, especially when it’s been a while, we tend to concoct this dream man straight out of a Nicholas Sparks novel and any guy who doesn’t meet those standards gets brushed off. Hell, you could have the best matchmaking service in NYC set you up and still find a flaw in your date. Maybe that’s why we’ve been deemed un-dateable?

There’s also a problem within the problem. A lot of us are blind to the fact that we’re picky. We wonder why we push guys away after a few dates or second-guess the relationship when something goes slightly awry.

These things happen because we may not be picky in the beginning, but as the relationship progresses, our pickiness decides to sneak out of the woodwork.

At first, he’s your type. He draws you in and you thank the heavens that you’ve finally broken out of your rut. You’re ready to laugh in all of the faces of those who said you were un-dateable.

Then, you’re pickiness shows up to the party. You notice that he’s not as cute when he shaves his beard. You love that he has tattoos, but think the ones he has are tacky and cliché. That one time he came over for a Netflix date, he chose way too girly of a movie (which he only chose for you and almost definitely hated) which makes him way too sensitive.

We’re all guilty of it. We ruin a good thing by nitpicking the reasons why a perfectly good guy isn’t good enough for us. We end up losing him and blame it on everything but the fact that in our picky minds, he just wasn’t up to par.

Like I said, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with knowing what you want in a man and in a relationship. But when the shoes he wears on the third date makes or breaks the relationship, that’s when you need to take a step back and reevaluate which of your criteria are actually important to you, and which ones are just picky pet peeves getting in the way of love.

 

BY: Nicole D’Amato

The Goldilocks Effect: Too Nice, Too Bad, Too Good to Be True

We’ve all heard the old fairytale of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. A little blonde girl wanders into the home of a family of bears who have gone out for a walk. She rummages through their house, trying each bear’s porridge, sitting in each bear’s chair and sleeping in each bear’s bed until she finds the one that’s just right.

While we may have overlooked it as a silly fairytale growing up, our favorite blonde, porridge eating character staged the perfect symbolism for what many of us experience in our journey to find love, which I like to call: the Goldilocks Effect.

Not everyone is lucky enough to have a love life that is so successful, it seems like an elite matchmaker laid it out for them. Most of us go through a roller coaster of guys before we find “the one”.

I’m sure there’s a list a mile long of the different guys we’ve gone on dates with, and each has a defining characteristic that strikes him off of our future husband list. Here are a few that every single girl is likely to encounter at one point or another on her roller coaster ride to find love:

The Nice Guy: We’ve all met, and probably been on at least one date with, “The Nice Guy.” He’s classically handsome, chivalrous, and everything your mom and grandma describe when they talk about your perfect match.

On paper, “The Nice Guy” is the total package. He’s sweet, intelligent, thoughtful, and caring. He opens doors and compliments you. He brings you flowers and picks up the check. He walks you to your door at the end of the night without the expectation of being invited up.

He’s everything you could ask for in a gentleman. So why is it that you seem to write him off if he’s so perfect?

It’s because he’s just TOO nice.

His jokes are funny but safe- you would never hear an inappropriate or sarcastic pun escape his lips at risk of offending you. He’s always playing it safe. He won’t make the move to give you the goodnight kiss that you’re dying for because he’s afraid to move too fast with you. The dates he takes you on are cut and dry- dinner, a walk on the beach, a coffee shop- never something adventurous or daring.

Point blank: because he plays it too safe, so he loses your interest. Women are complex and we need something to keep our attention and spice things up, otherwise we get bored.

The Bad Boy: The next quintessential man that you are sure to date is “The Bad Boy.” He is the polar opposite of “The Nice Guy,” and he is everything that is NOT on mom and grandma’s “How to Find Love” list that they’ve shoved in your face since you were old enough to date.

“The Bad Boy” is just that: he’s covered in tattoos, rough around the edges, mysterious, and has a notoriously infamous reputation for one reason or another. Maybe he’s the biggest player in the area, or maybe he has a not-so-clean past that follows him around. Whatever it is, it attracts you to him like a magnet.

You’re infatuated with “The Bad Boy.” He keeps you on your toes and you never know what to expect with him. As things progress, you start to think that you can break him of his bad boy reputation and that falling in love with you will put him on the straight and narrow.

The sad realization about “The Bad Boy” is that unless he wants to change, he’s not going to. No matter how many times you try to get him to do couple-y things together, he’s more likely to commit to his next tattoo than he is to an evening with you. And forget asking him to post that picture of the two of you to his Instagram. Anything that could damage his bad boy image is a no-go.

If you’re trying to find love, looking to “The Bad Boy” is going to lead to a dead end because just as his nickname entails, he’s bad for you.

The Too Good To Be True: I can personally attest that the guys who seem too good to be true tend to be.

In my own quest to find love, I’ve personally encountered all of the aforementioned men. I’ve been disappointed with “The Nice Guy,” tried to change “The Bad Boy,” and thought I hit the jackpot with the guy who was too good to be true- until it came crashing down.

The “Too Good to Be True” guy is the one who seems to be the whole package. He’s handsome, witty, thoughtful, romantic, fun and easy to be with. Even as you are still getting to know him, you feel as if you’ve known him for your whole life.

From the start, you feel like you can open up to him and be yourself completely. He surprises you with flowers and gifts that he could only know you’d love by actually listening to your rambling that most people tune out.
Everything with him is perfect. It’s literally too good to be true. Then, reality hits. It IS too good to be true.

You realize that he may not be all he’s cracked up to be. Your initial infatuation diminishes as the honeymoon stage ends and you’re left wondering if he is as amazing as you initially thought. Or you find that some of the things that made him incredible were fabrications or down right lies. The excitement over him begins to fade, and the constant communication between the two of you becomes more of a nuisance than it is enjoyable and you start to nitpick everything that happens between the two of you.

As much as it sucks to hear, if you think someone is too good to be true, he probably is.

 

Along the beaten path you’ve taken to find love, there’s bound to have been times where you been ready to give up and settle for living life as a cat lady. But just think, it took Goldilocks a few tries to find what was just right for her, and it’s no different for your love life.

One day, you’ll come across a guy who is the perfect combination of “The Nice Guy,” “The Bad Boy,” and the “Too Good to Be True.” He’s going to be the perfect guy for you- your “just right.”

So don’t stop looking, because if you do, your soulmate may slip right through the cracks.

 

BY: Nicole D’Amato

Mother Vs. Matchmaker

“Mother knows best!” is a saying that has rung through our ears since before we were born. And honestly, for most of us, the saying has probably proved true more times than once. Then there’s the BFF who stands right alongside mom in terms of knowing you and knowing (or thinking they know) what’s best for you. From the countless phone calls about the awful date you just went on or the guy who had put your heart through the ringer, to the endless nights filled with chick flicks and drooling over Ryan Gosling, your mom and your best friend think they know the ins and outs of who you should date and (even if they won’t say it out loud) deem themselves your perfect matchmaker.

Although they have your best interests at heart, letting someone close to you play matchmaker can get messy. To find drama-free, no-muss-no-fuss love, it is best to seek out a professional matchmaker.

While you may think, “What’s the point of wasting my time/money/energy on a matchmaker when I have friends and family to do it for free?” you have to realize that there are many differences between the two.


 

Difference #1: Matchmakers have a much larger network of potential partners for you than your friends and family do.

While your best friend may have the perfect guy from the office that you just have to go on a date with, that’s probably about as broad as her network of singles that she hasn’t set you up with (or at least tried).

And we all know that mom has tried multiple times to set you up with just about any cute guy that she comes across- her boss’s nephew (who she’s only ever seen one picture of), her personal trainer, or even someone she’s never met before but automatically knows will be perfect for you.

On the other hand, professional matchmaking services, like Project Soulmate, have an exceptionally larger pool of singles and potential dates that are just waiting for a chance to go out with you.


 

Difference #2: Matchmakers get to know you and what you want

As well as your mom and best friend know you, when it comes to your love life, objectifying the topic is not their strong suit. While they may think they know your Mr. Right down to a T, more often than not they miss the target by a long shot. Remember that phase you went through where you were attracted to that grungy, hipster guy that you would always see at your local café? Well your BFF still remembers that, and even though that was five years ago and that phase has long been over, when she passes that grungy, Kurt Cobain-esque guy walking through the streets of Brooklyn, he’s automatically filed in her mind as your potential soulmate.

When working with professional matchmakers, on the other hand, being objective is their strong suit. They will get to know who you are and exactly what you’re looking for in a partner at this point in your life, and use that to find you the perfect match.


 

Difference #3: No strings attached!

If you go on a first date with someone your mom or friend set you up with and have an awful time, you’re likely to sugar coat it or lie and say you had a decent time to avoid hurting their feelings or coming off as ungrateful.

While matchmakers get to know you on a personal level to find you your perfect match, your relationship is professional rather than personal so you can be 100% honest without worrying about inciting turbulence in your relationship. If your date went horribly and you don’t want to even think about seeing him again, you can openly tell them and they’ll simply look to find you a new, more successful date.

Although your mom and best friend may know the ins and outs of your life and always have your best interest in mind, when it comes to something as important as your love life, sometimes it’s better for them to step aside and lets the professionals take the reins.

 

BY: Nicole D’Amato

Dating in NYC: The Struggle of Second Guessing Yourself

In a day and age where beauty is perceived differently every day and trends go out just as quickly as they come in, it is easy to second guess ourselves, making it almost inevitable that we second guess ourselves when we are trying to find love in New York City, or anywhere for that matter. Sure, there are those confident, poised people out there who don’t have a doubt in the world about the way they approach things, but not everyone can be that self-assured.
When it comes to someone who is frequently second-guessing herself, new relationships can be a huge anxiety trigger. With a budding relationship, we feel the need to say the perfect, clever thing at the right time or wear the outfit that gives the exact vibe that we want to exude on the first date.

 
Relationships are supposed to make us nervous. We’re supposed to get the butterflies and be eager to find out what’s going to happen next. The unknowns of relationships inevitably trigger overthinking and second guessing that will drive you crazy. Just know that in the grand scheme of things, what you’re obsessing over is likely a much smaller deal than you think, and being comfortable being yourself will save you loads of unnecessary stress and bring you closer to finding love in New York City.

 
For example, in today’s fast-paced, tech-oriented world, a new relationship is likely to be filled with casual back-and-forth texting. While texting is a good way to keep in touch throughout a busy day, its lack of intonation can lead to miscommunication. Those of us who second guess ourselves may think that responding too quickly may seem desperate, or that we have to concoct the perfect response to avoid being looked at as crazy/weird/rude/etc. In reality, if this relationship has a future, you (and your significant other) aren’t going to worry about how responding immediately is going to come off, and the witty joke you want to make will be something that make your significant other smile throughout his/her mundane day.

 
We also tend to second guess ourselves when deciding how to present ourselves. Let’s say your best friend decides to play matchmaker and sets you up with a new guy. You panic the night of the date and swear (like you have a thousand other times) that you have NOTHING to wear that will make the right impression. Sure, first dates, especially when you’ve never met the guy, tend to be nerve racking. But just think- if you do hit it off and spark a romance, sooner rather than later it will not make a difference to him whether he sees you in a little black dress with sky high heels or your favorite jeans and go-to top on your night out, he’ll just be looking forward to seeing you. Not to say you shouldn’t want to get dolled up for him, but the sooner you’re comfortable in your own skin around him, the sooner he’ll be comfortable with the real you.

 
We need to take a step back and realize that it’s okay not be perfect. To not always say the perfect thing at the perfect time and to not always be flawless. Perfect gets boring, but being yourself creates a dynamic aspect in your relationship that is likely to keep the ball rolling and, if all goes well, lead to something great.

 

BY: Nicole D’Amato