How to Separate the Boy in Boyfriend

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I’ve never liked the word boyfriend. In other languages, for instance, Spanish, your special someone would be referred to as novio (“boyfriend’) rather than amigo varón (male friend). This clear distinction denotes a romantic relationship as more serious than your typical friendship.  Don’t misunderstand me, it’s great to think of your mister as your friend. Without friendship, no romantic relationship can persevere. The real problem with the word is that it begins with boy. No professional woman should be dealing with a dependent boyfriend. Is it safe to assume that what begins with a boy will end with a man?

It starts off with the family.

If you are dating, seeing, sleeping with a “boy” you’ll know it. He’s an adult child. He looks the part of a man but inside all you get is a pubescent boy who forgets all of his responsibilities. He feels that you should cook the meals and clean the way his momma does. His mom did all of this things because she loved him so shouldn’t you do the same?


In some cultures, mothers baby their sons because… Well because they were raised that way. The girls are all in the kitchen while the boys are watching a sporting event on television. The wives are the last the enjoy the meal because they have to serve the plates for their husbands and all of their children.


This worked when women did not work. If both parts of the couple equally contribute to the finances of the house than both should equally work to maintain the household. High-end matchmaking company, Project Soulmate says relationships should be 50/50; if she cooks, he should clean the dishes.

It continues with you.


So you’ve started getting serious with this man-boy. It started off very casual. First, he asked you to call him to wake him up for work. You replaced his alarm clock but you love hearing his sleepy voice so you didn’t mind at first. Then randomly asks you to do his laundry and you do it anyways because he’s so friggin cute! Before you know it you’re the wife of a ‘boysband’ because never learned how to say no.

The bad habits he learned at home do not have to continue into your relationship. ‘Adulting’ isn’t easy or fun but we do it because we have no other choice. If he won’t do a chore because he doesn’t know how to, then you should encourage him to learn. Professional matchmaker Jenn Zucher recommends taking cooking lessons with your man and assigning a day in the week where he will be responsible for cooking. If he’s lazy, persuade him with a prize at the end. Children need to be bribed with candy so there’s no surprise that a boyfriend might need some motivation as well.

Just because we are nurturing beings doesn’t mean we should let someone take advantage of us.

It ends with him.

You can’t wave a magic wand and turn a boy into a man. As an adult, he has to make the decision to grow up on his own. It’s all about compromise. A man who is your true millionaire match will want to alleviate your stress even if it means doing something he doesn’t particularly like. The only thing we can do as women is to teach our future children to provide for themselves so they won’t have to rely on anyone.

It’s one thing to help a man pick out an outfit and it’s another thing to organize his entire closet. Guide your man, don’t be his guardian.


Written by Christina Madera

Dating in NYC: Fun Events for a Summer Date Night

1db9da925e3399be06119dabc35253f8Have you been looking for an exciting date night idea? Our professional matchmakers at Project Soulmate have a few ideas for you.

If you’re looking for a different kind of dinner out:

1. Smorgasburg in Williamsburg every Saturday through October. Head to Brooklyn and check out this flea-market spin off for some delicious and mouthwatering foods.
2. Hester Street Fair in the Lower East Side every Saturday through October. Check out this Manhattan based food fair for some seriously tasty cuisine.

If you’re looking for a night of dancing:

1. Bryant Park Dancing Party every Wednesday through the end of June. Head to Midtown for some music and expert dance instruction at the Fountain Terrace.
2. Governor’s Island 11th Annual Jazz Age Lawn Party August 13th and 14th. This annual event plays authentic 1920s and 1930s music, so head out and flaunt your best flapper dresses.

If you’re looking for an outdoor movie night:

1. Bryant Park Summer Film Festival every Monday night through August 22nd, with movies like Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Top Gun, and The Big Chill.
2. Summer Screen Brooklyn’s Free Film and Concert Series every Wednesday night in July until August 10th, with movies like Scream, The Fast and The Furious, and 10 Things I Hate About You.

No matter what you and your significant other choose to do, you’re guaranteed to have a memorable summer night out in NYC!

Written by Lexey Chandler


How Long should Women wait to have Sex?

It’s the question that has been haunting women since the emergence of the dating culture, “Is it too soon for sex?”


Megan thinks she knows the answer. You know Megan. She’s an old friend, a friend every gal has. That one friend who thinks she is a relationship guru because she has watched all six seasons of Sex and the City. Megan likes to think of first-time sex as a mathematical equation: Nice guy + job security x 4 dates = perfect timing. As if something as sticky as sex and love can be satisfied with a calculator…  

It all sounds great on paper but it can’t be translated into the real world because no two men are the same. Can we ever really know when it’s appropriate to get inappropriate?

In this 24/7 world, defining quick can be sort of challenge. Even with high-speed internet access, express shipping, and microwave ovens, we are consistently searching for the fastest route possible. This is especially true when you’re talking about dating in New

Moving “fast” can come naturally for some and it’s not a bad thing; just have caution. Having sex earlier on may be a turn-off for both parties. This may give off the impression of irresponsibility, lack of self-control, and won’t leave any room for the imagination moving forward. However, there are also consequences for waiting “too long”. If your partner becomes impatient they may lose interest in furthering a relationship. With a double edged-sword like this one which one of us can escape injury?

Our relationship expert Lori Zaslow says, instead of asking ourselves how long should we wait we should ask how comfortable do we feel around this person. We need to quit thinking that we can come up with definitive rules for dating. Waiting to text back, waiting to lean in for a kiss….Wait to get to know the person, that’s it! Don’t wait because society says so. Wait because you aren’t ready.

There is no right or wrong answer to the original question: is it too soon for sex? because time is relative. If you feel safe letting another person inside your heart and your mind (and the feeling is mutual) then you are probably ready to get intimate. If we break down sex to its simplest form isn’t that what it is: allowing someone to be inside of you and to connect with you. If you are ready for that level of intimacy, a time constraint will do nothing but ruin the organic flow of the relationship.   

On the other hand, if you are not ready to reach that level of intimacy than go at your own pace. Whether it be a month or a year, just listen to your gut. When you are ready you’ll feel it like hunger for flesh you didn’t even know you craved. Frankly, no man or woman wants a partner who is self-conscious about having sex. They don’t want you to doubt or worry. He or she will want you to be ready so that you can both enjoy it.

The decision is ultimately yours; will you allow your love life to be governed by time or by passion?


Christina Madera


Top 5 Reasons Why Men Spoil Women


Princess, sugar baby, gold-digger…there are a ton of diverse names for women who love to be pampered. Each of these expressions confirms the popular belief that women desire a beau who will spoil them with extravagant gifts and romantic getaways. The truth is; diamonds are in fact a girl’s best friend, but if women can afford to buy it on their own then why do men insist on getting it for them?


To show their affection

Relationship expert Jennifer Zucher say men are not as easy to read as women are. When a woman is upset, she’ll cry and when she is feeling pleasured, she’ll moan. Men are more reserved and shy away from expressing their emotions, especially those associated with love. Buying a dozen red roses to show his love is a no-brainer, while writing a sincere poem may be out of his league.


To prove their financial stability

Women of today are as independent as ever and men are conscious of this. Yet, men still feel the need to take care of females. Truthfully, it’s hard to blame them when hits like Fergie’s “Glamorous” have girls broadcasting If he ain’t got no money… you know the rest. In the 21st century, American full-time working women make an average of 40,000 a year, yet they only earn 79 cents for every dollar that a man makes. I guess the 20-cent difference makes offering to pick up the check merely a small treat for the date.


To make you feel one of a kind

Relationship expert Lori Zaslow knows men want the best for themselves as well as their lady. Men adorn women in gorgeous jewelry to show them how beautiful they are and to convey how much they mean to them. Men also realize that they can also earn major brownie points when they remember that you favor dark chocolate sea salt truffles over the milk chocolate pearls. Very clever!


To stand out

            Dating in New York is challenging, especially for men. The women are not just pretty; they’re educated, adventurous, independent, aggressive (who isn’t it’s New York City), hard working, and fun! Finding love in NYC means men have to try a bit harder to gain a women’s attention. This may include additional woo-ing here and there but will nonetheless feed a man’s innate appetite for competition.


Because they genuinely want to you see happy

Men want their woman to be happy even when she is in her worst of moods. Project Soulmate believes men can spoil in the simplest ways whether it is by buying a bottle of her favorite wine or a box of greasy New York pizza. A wise man once said, “making a girl smile isn’t as hard as understanding her,” and to this day, I have never heard something as candid as this.


Christina Madera



What Not to Do: Bad Dating Advice from RomComs

RomCom’s ya gotta love em… right? I mean how could you not, they are cute, funny, and end happily ever after! The downside to these great movies is that they are incredibly unrealistic!! Here’s a list of a few of the best romantic comedies with the advice they give, and with the advice you really want from the Project Soulmate Love Experts:


Bad Dating Advice from RomComs“Forgetting Sarah Marshall” – Jason Segal, Mila Kunis, and Kristen Bell it’s like the perfect trifecta, but it’s definitely not the perfect advice.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall’s Advice: Follow your ex-girlfriend to Hawaii, meet a perfect new girl, but then still sleep with your ex-girlfriend to “for sure” no you’re over her while hurting the perfect new girl you met in the process.

Project Soulmate’s Advice: Don’t jump into a new relationship until you are definitely over your last. It saves a lot of people from getting their feelings hurt!



Bad Dating Advice from RomComs“Bridesmaids” – Kristen Wig and Maya Rudolph, need we say more?? The movie is absolutely hilarious, but in terms of relationships and friendships… It’s probably not the best movie to get advice from!

“Bridesmaids” Advice: Get super jealous of your best friends new engagement that you ruin each engagement party, and pretend like the one guy trying to help you is making things worse

Project Soulmate’s Advice: Talk it out. Talk to your best friend about your frustrations, and talk to the new guy in your life. This way they both know why you might be acting crazy or flipping out on them!



Bad Dating Advice from RomComs“Ten Things I Hate About You” – A freakin’ Classic! Heath Ledger (love) and Julia Stiles make a great match, but there were some definite humps they had to go through before the happily ever after couple you see at the end…

“Ten Things I Hate About You” Advice: Agree to go out with the “loser” sister for money just so another random guy can go out with the “popular” sister. Ah don’t you just love finding out that the guy dating you is only doing it for money?? Me too!!

Project Soulmate’s Advice: When a seemingly random guy is all of a sudden super into you… do your research. And if in the end, you do find out he had some ulterior motives, decide for yourself if they are something you could get over.



Bad Dating Advice from RomComs“Knocked Up” – Katherine Heigl and Seth Rogan make an unusual couple, but it seems to work… of course this is just a movie. Which leads us to the super unrealistic advice viewers get from this movie…….

“Knocked Up” Advice: Get drunk, sleep with someone, decide not to use a condom, get pregnant, but decide the two of you can work it out in the long run.

Project Soulmate’s Advice: First of all, probably just always wear a condom for a random late night hook up. Second of all, don’t think just because you got pregnant with a random hookup you guys need to force a relationship. Sometimes the best mommy-daddy relationships are ones where the mommy and daddy aren’t even together!



Bad Dating Advice from RomComs“The Proposal” – Honestly any movie Sandra Bullock is in is a win for me, but it doesn’t always mean they’re realistic and I take all my dating advice from it.

“The Proposal” Advice: Avoid getting your citizenship forms completed until you are (almost) forced to be deported back to Canada. Then decide to marry your assistant just so you can keep your job and stay in the country. Genius!

Project Soulmate’s Advice: Keep your visas and all other forms required up to date, so you aren’t forced to marry someone you barely know just to remain in the country. Try going on regular dates before jumping into a proposal!!



Bad Dating Advice from RomComs“Her” – Probably one of the weirdest movies I’ve seen in a while, but Scarlett Johansson does make a great computer voice!

“Her” Advice: Avoid real-life dating at all costs. Don’t even socialize or have sex with real-life people because a computer can give you everything you need.

Project Soulmate’s Advice: GO ON DATES. MEET REAL PEOPLE. PUT YOUR COMPUTER AND OTHER ELECTRONIC DEVICES DOWN AND ACTUALLY TALK TO REAL PEOPLE. Wow sorry, just really passionate about the fact that if you want to actually meet someone to spend your life with, you need to actually dedicate some real life, quality time to those people; and maybe give people a chance that you wouldn’t usually.


Moral of the story: Don’t ever stop watching Romcom’s because they offer some needed comic relief to a tough thing we call “love.” Just remember to not take everything they say or do seriously!


Emily Stovall

Dating in NYC: Quick Dates for the New York Foodie

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While it might be tricky to find love in NYC, finding good food is not. Yet dinner dates can be intimidating, so our matchmaking team has found some sweet spots that will make dating in NYC a little easier. Here is what we found:

For the sweet tooth:

  • City Bakery- Come here to warm up with a cup of their rich hot chocolate. And if the date is going well, stroll down to the Rubin Museum of Art and check out their latest exhibit.
  • Momofoku Milk Bar- Go for some creamy treats or even try their crack pie. If time is going by too quickly, take a walk over to union square.
  • The Donut Pub- Don’t be fooled by its casual vibe, the Donut Pub is filled with sweet surprises, literally. Still want a little something else? Walk over to Chelsea Market and explore the different shops.
  • Pop Bar- Looking to cool down? Pop bar’s “gelato on a stick” will change the way you think of a popsicle. And once it melts, walk down to Washington Square Park to keep the conversation going.

For something a little more savory:

  • Black Seed Bagels- Experience the famous New York bagel by trying Blackseed’s fresh and filling sandwiches. Once you are done, window-shop while strolling through the streets of Soho.
  • Mimi Cheng’s Dumplings- Take a trip to Taiwan by biting into the dumplings served at Mimi Cheng’s. Not done yet? Catch a movie across the street at the Village East Cinema.
  • Eataly- Just like Italy, Eataly is like a little slice of heaven. Walk around their large Italian market and take a peek at their large variety of delicious dishes. Once you’re done, head over to Madison Square Park and admire the surrounding buildings.
  • The Melt Shop- This little shop will have you reconsidering the simplicity of grilled cheese by stuffing their sandwiches with delicious twists. If you’re in their Financial District shop, follow it up with a walk on the Brooklyn Bridge. And if you are at their Midtown location, walk around Fifth Ave and check out the art at the MOMA.

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Marriage: Told by Three Generations

Successful Marriage
In the midst of this 21st century world of dating in New York and marriages, it seems so common for people to break-up or get divorced. But why? I’ve been trying to figure out why this seems to happen so frequently now a days because 1. It’s interesting, and 2. I want to avoid it happening to me! So I thought it would be cool for the relationship experts over at Project Soulmate to see how three different generations would answer this simple question: What are five things that make a successful marriage?

I asked this question to my sister who has recently been married, to my mother who has been married to my dad for 27 years, and to my grandma who was married to my grandpa for 57 years until his passing. Now I’m not saying any of them are relationship experts, but they’ve definitely got some experience under their belt. I was not sure what kind of responses I would get, if they’d be identical or drastically different, but I thought that either way it could give some insight into the difficult world of marriage. So here are their answers, word for word. Check them out and see what you think; I mean I might’ve just hacked the secret for a long-lasting marriage

Successful Marriage

Celeste – 26 Years Old, Newlywed

  1. Communication
  2. Doing things together, but also having alone time
  3. Supporting one another’s goals
  4. Being able to make the other laugh, like singing “fireflies” by Owl City
  5. SEX

Tara – 54 Years Old, Married for 27 Years and Counting

  1. Take Care of yourself/stay in shape/exercise; and if you are a stay at home mom, still fix your hair and put on your makeup
  2. Send gifts/flowers etc. to his work or place of business, just because, not because you are apologizing for something
  3. Have time separate from each other – encourage guy trips/girl trips with friends
  4. When it comes to household finances get and stay on the same page
  5. Sit down to dinner together whenever possible… Even if it means eating at odd times
  6. Always have time for him, ask yourself; “If my best friend form high school walked in the door, would I be too tiredSuccesful Marriage to do something with her?”

Marietta – 79 Years Old, Married for 57 Years

  1. Have to be agreeable when raising your children, when you punish them and everything
  2. Considerate of each other, not selfish
  3. Have to love each other
  4. Willing to wait on them, to take care of them in sickness or in health
  5. Go to church together


After going through their answers, they did seem to be very different, but also had some general things that matched. For example, they all agree that communication is very important, whether it is about finances or raising kids, you and your hubby/wifey need to communicate and be on the same page. Another one that stuck out most to me, was how important it is to make time for one another, and to definitely not be selfish when it comes to your relationship. It might seem ridiculous, and there’s clearly no science behind it, but I think these tips could be really useful. If nothing else, I can assure you that these people, no matter how long it’s been, are still very in love; so that’s enough science for me!

The first thing on your agenda, though, is finding the guy/girl to even consider for marriage. And Project Soulmate knows just how to find them!!


Emily Stovall

Relationship Advice: Is Long Distance Worth It?

Long Distance

Long distance… is it really worth it? Unfortunately I find myself asking this question way more often than I should. See the problem is, I have always stood by the idea that long distance will not work, but low and behold… I am in a long distance relationship right now. This has led me to question things like “what makes mine different,” or “why do I think mine will actually work;” and it made me realize certain factors that I think can help decide if long distance is really worth it or not.

I’ll start by explaining why I think long distance is not meant to be and why I believe it will not work. The main reason is because long distance means you completely lose the physical and tangible affection and enjoyment spent with a person when the relationship is solely connected by a phone or video chat. I think one of the best and most important parts of a relationship is the physical attraction felt by two people, and the pride each person feels when they get to be seen in public with their significant other. In a long distance relationship, however, it completely takes that aspect of a relationship away. I know it can be difficult to actually find love in NYC sometimes, so you don’t want to let it go, but after reading this hopefully you’ll be able to make the right decision for your relationship and maybe consider looking to some professional matchmakers for help!

So, with that in mind, here’s what you should think about if you are deciding whether or not to go on with this long distance relationship

The first factor is whether or not the relationship began on long distance or if it became long distance. If it is the first, meaning your entire relationship from talking to actually dating has been long distance, then I’m sorry I don’t think it is worth it, and it won’t work in the long run. Why? Because, whether we like to admit it or not, people are fake. I think if you are looking to actually settle down it is crucial to see how a person lives, but if youLong Distance have never even stepped foot on the front steps of their house, let alone even been inside, then you really cannot make true judgments on this person. You are unable to tell how they are in public, how social they are, or how smelly of a person they are and these are essential in determining the success of a relationship.

If your relationship was not long distance from the start, but became it due to some outside factor such as work or school (like me!), then I believe your relationship might have a chance! That’s right, I said might and the reason for that leads me to the next factor. This factor is whether or not you guys have set a deadline for each other. As I have stated before, I believe a physical connection is important, so the option of just remaining long distance forever after this point is not a good choice, in my opinion. I think it would be very beneficial for your relationship if you set a time frame, maybe like a year at the most, that can give you each a chance to determine if you can move to each other or if you should just move on from each other.

The last factor is travel. I’m sure this is a common occurrence while dating in New York, but sometimes people do not realize the problems it can have on a relationship. The issue is that Yay you have finally found Long Distancelove in New York, but now you’re not sure if it is working due to all of this travel for work. If your significant other seems to be traveling so much that you are beginning to feel out of touch with each other, perhaps you should ask if you could go with them every now and then. Do not interfere with their work, obviously, but studies have shown that going to sleep together every night can actually lead to a longer and healthier relationship, so try and make that happen! If you are not allowed to travel with them, then try to at least make their times back home very special. But, if these changes do not seem to be helping, then it may be time to cut your losses and move on.

It’s the hard truth, and sometimes the best choice is not always the easiest, but it has to be done. There are so many people in this world that if you can’t find a good guy, I know a couple people that can help… You might have heard of them… does Project Soulmate ring a bell?

Emily Stovall

Online Dating Genius: The Not-Your-Baby Pic

Welcome to #5 of Online Dating Genius: A blog series brought to you by the online dating experts at your favorite NYC Matchmaking Service, Project Soulmate! Each week we will reveal another “do-not” in online dating.

If you online date, you will relate.


Let’s get real for a second, okay? What is your intention when making the decision to upload that photo of you and that cute baby into your online profile? You do know that you’re on a dating site, not your facebook page, right? So why did you think that this random baby would make an important impression upon 100’s of strangers; a small fraction of whom you might be interested in dating?  

We think we get it. You want kids? You are great with kids! Babies love you, thus your matches will love you, too! You will make a great parent someday, therefore highlighting you as more desirable than other matches lacking random not-their-baby pics.  

No? We’re way off?  Ok we’ve got it…you think that cute baby makes you look cuter? It works at the party/beach/park like a charm. You walk around with your friend’s adorable baby and all the singles you hoped would notice you earlier, now flock to you and say “Oh she is sooooo cute! Is she yours?” To which you coyly reply, “No, she’s my buddy’s, but she loves me more,” to which they laugh, breathing a sigh of relief and immediately notice how cute (and available) YOU are!

Whatever your reason, it doesn’t typically play out this way on the other end of the digital dating world. It generally looks more like this:

“Wait, I thought he didn’t have a kid? Ugh, I bet has a kid but didn’t want to say so since he’s never been married.” (Click back button, other match suggestions pop up, new match suggestion looks pretty cute, click new match suggestion.) Yeah, people don’t always see your captions.  Sometimes it plays out like this: “She’s cute but this pic of her with her sister’s baby probably means she’s really wants a baby, too.  I’ve met too many women in a rush.” (Click to next match)

We know dating online can be a downer.  You’re just trying whatever you can to stand out, attract the right person, catch a break.  Everyone is in the same boat; we hear these complaints daily and have seen all that your probably go through during one of our past online dating client sessions. Whether it’s a male or female client, younger or older, with or without kids…everyone has their valid gripes.

There are many great strategies to dating online successfully. However, using a random baby that’s not your baby to attract someone isn’t one of them. Hence, the Not-Your-Baby photo choice is a DO NOT in online dating profile photo selection.  

Project Soulmate offers more than expert matchmaking in NYC. We can help you decide on the best photos for your online dating profile.  We also offer professional profile writing, photography, coaching and account management services for your online dating accounts. Click here for more info!  Or Contact Us and ask!

Coming soon… Photos With Friends…and more! Stay tuned!

Check out these Online Dating Genius previous posts: The Offspring Pic, The Bathroom Selfie, The Height Exaggeration, and The Hot Chick In Your Pic.  

Find more good stuff here: Twitter: @projectsoulmate   Facebook: Like us!   Pinterest:  Project Soulmate

Jane Rudes

Jane Rudes is a Communication Consultant as well as the Online Division Director at Project Soulmate. Jane is happy to speak with interested prospective online clients about their online profile and other common online dating woes. 

Relationship Guide: Brains over Beauty

By: Nicole Hartley


Thank you Cristina Yang for saying how all women feel. A woman’s best feature isn’t her hair, her eyes, or her breasts. Everything beautiful about a woman comes from who she is as a person, which is a direct product of her brain.

Don’t get us wrong, women love to be complimented on their beauty, but I think I speak for all women when I say being complimented on our intellectual abilities and who we are as people is a far better compliment than any made about our physical features. Throughout history women have proven themselves just as capable as men in every respect, yet to this day the first things complimented or criticized about a woman usually have something to do with their physical appearance or sensitivity. I hate to break it to you, but everyone is sensitive whether they are a man or a woman. That being said, women are strong, capable, and smart, and they should be complimented for those qualities.

If you want to win a woman over compliment her on her person, her brain, and her prowess. You will not only impress her, but you will show her that you care about her past her beauty. Everyone wants to be appreciated for who they are, and women are no different. She wants to know that you care about her for who she is and what she is able to do for herself. Any woman worthwhile is more than just a pretty face or a nice body. As matchmakers, we understand the importance of going beyond superficiality in relationships. Look beyond her looks and understand her brain because this is the true way to her heart.