Love yourself first.

Love yourself first.

When thinking about your day to day life, what comes to the forefront? Your workload? Meeting a business partner? Trekking to a different neighborhood to see a friend? No matter what you are doing, do other people come first? This is commonplace in today’s society and sometimes it’s hard to remember to think about yourself. The phrase “self love is the best love” is true, but once you love yourself you can be open to loving others, and loving them wholeheartedly with no reservations. New York’s Elite Matchmakers think that loving yourself first will lead to extremely healthy and successful relationships. The best way to do this is make sure that you take care of yourself mind, body, and spirit.

If you find yourself hearing the phrase “treat yourself” and don’t know what that means… Here are a few tips to help you finding and accepting your best self.

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1. Add some personal time to your schedule. If you work everyday and are constantly booked with friends on the weekends, try penciling yourself in instead. Sundays are great days to relax and unwind. Grab a book or try a new hobby like writing a blog, running, or even knitting. It important to maintain your interests so that you don’t end up feeling burnt out.

2. Follow the aforementioned phrase and treat yourself. If you’ve has a long week and want Shake Shack for dinner instead of cooking… do it! Sometimes even diets need to be broken to feel full. There is no point in going through life constantly wanting more. Life is all about choices and it’s best not to overthink small things like this. If you want it, go get it.

3. Enjoy some ‘tech-free time’. Studies say that we should unplug at least one hour before going to bed to maximize the effectiveness of sleep. This seems almost impossible in today’s age where emails are flooding your inbox every minute and social media is more prevalent than ever. Make a conscious effort to put your phone down before bed and you will be grateful, so will your cell phone bill.

4. Find ways to destress. It can be as simple as looking out of your window, taking a 5 minute stretch at work, or working out. Try drinking tea before you go to bed, chamomile been proven to decrease mild anxiety! No matter what it is that you do, do it because you want to, not because you have to.

5. Start a gratitude jar! Everyday (or whenever you remember) write down something on a slip of paper that you are grateful for, or a positive thing that happened that day. At the end of the year you will have a collection of little happy things to remind you how great life can be everyday.

Relationship Experts Lori and Jenn feel that it is important love yourself before you can open up to others and find your potential soulmate. Accepting yourself as you are is the best way to live your happiest life.

BY: LILY DOERFLER

New York's Top Matchmakers

Girl Code. Synonymous with Guy Code. Urban dictionary defines this as: “the code of guidelines that are girls most obey in order not to get kicked out of the community”. Ideals are often mentioned by the cast of the well- known MTV show. Whether you believe in these guidelines or not, you are bound to run into people who do. Codes like this can foster a sense of community or tear people apart. New York’s Top Matchmakers agree that following this code will lead to better friendships and relationships. Here are some scenarios to help navigate the crazy world of being a woman.

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1. You and your friend are at a bar talking with a guy you just met. You think the one your friend is interested in is cute too. You…

A. Pretend like you don’t notice your friend is into him, you make your move.
B. Ask the cute guy to introduce you to some of his friends, why can’t you both have it all?
C. Go out on your own to find some new friends and give them some alone time.

The breakdown:If you answered A, good luck keeping that friend. Think more along the lines of ‘treat others the way you want to be treated’. If you chose B, you’re a good friend who is going to make the most out of this situation. There is nothing wrong with trying to make your night a little better, as long as you don’t ruin your friend’s fun. Picked C? You’re on the right track to making a good friend and finding a new guy.

 

2. You are looking to date again. It just so happens that the person of interest is the ex of your friend. You…
A. Pursue him, disregard that he has a history with your friend.
B. Find someone new to date!
C. Ask your friend if she would be okay with you getting to know him.

The breakdown:
Chose A? You’ve got some re-evaluating to do. If you choose the guy, especially without asking, you are guaranteed to be terminating your friendship and any level of respect that was once there. If you answered B, congratulations! You are a decent person. You’ve taken into account all of the potential issues and made the right choice. If C was your answer, I hope that you are not close friends. This is a sticky situation, if you feel like they really wouldn’t care, go ask. But, be wary that this may cause some problems down the line, whether they say it or not.

 

3. Your friend and her boyfriend broke up awhile ago and you would like to reach out as friends, he was always so fun to be around! You…
A. Realize this could have some negative consequences and leave it be.
B. Reach out, what’s the harm?
C. Ask your friend if she is comfortable with you reconnecting.

The breakdown:
If you chose A, you are very smart. No friend wants to be confronted about an ex when they are trying to move on. Picked B? Think again, friends will value you asking, it means you respect them. Some people do not show how much a breakup has affected them, and if you aren’t aware of this a bridge is likely to be burned in the process. You answered C… prepare for some potential awkwardness. Depending on how bad the breakup was, you could be landing yourself in some hot water for even asking.

 

Bottom line:
When in doubt, always ask. Mutual respect is the building block for any great friendship and breaking that down will have a negative affect on your relationshipNew York Dating can be hard, we get that but don’t mess with ex’s if you want to keep your friendship intact. Good friendships will lead to better intimate relationships. Above all, treat others the way you want to be treated and life will be a breeze.

 

BY: LILY DOERFLER

5 Things Men Look For in a Woman

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  1. Confidence
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    Just as women look for confidence in their man, a man loves to see that a woman has confidence in herself. Confidence is attractive and sexy because it shows a guy that you know what you want not only for yourself, but also from others. Men want to know that a woman has faith in herself and in the them because it shows them that you are confident in the relationship and its future.
  2. Independence
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    Every man loves a woman that can hold her own. He wants to know that you want him, but you don’t necessarily need to rely on him. Independence is key to any relationship because it is important to have your own hobbies and interests in order to maintain a healthy and stable relationship. In other words, he doesn’t want you clinging to him every second of the day to do things with you. The last thing anyone should be in a relationship is needy, so be independent because at the end of the day it’s good for both of you and will lead to a healthier, long-lasting relationship.
  3. A Challenge
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    Everyone loves a challenge, especially men. It is endearing to a man when he has to work to try to figure a woman out. Men love to learn more about a woman as the relationship progresses, so don’t air out all your dirty laundry on the first couple of dates; make him wait for it. He wants to know that there is more to you than he already knows, and there probably is, so tell him at the right time not just any time. So, ladies give him a challenge and leave him wanting more both intellectually and physically.
  4. Complexity
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    Just like anything in life, it’s important to be versatile and good at many things. Men like to know that their woman is a bunch of women rolled into one. He doesn’t just want you to be smart or just hard working. He wants you to be smart, hardworking, cute, and caring all in one. Now, I’m not saying that you have to be superwoman, but every woman has multiple interesting personality traits and habits, and he wants to see that versatility in you. You have many strengths, so show him that.
  5. A Good Attitude
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    Above all, every guy loves a woman who has a good attitude. Men love a woman who is fun, positive, and who love to do things. No one wants to be with someone who is always in a bad mood or negative about things because quite frankly, it’s no fun. Obviously everyone has bad times and times where they simply need to be grumpy, but being grumpy and being a grump are two different things. Someone once told me, “A positive attitude changes everything,” and there is nothing more true. If you go into something thinking you are going to succeed or have a positive attitude about it, I can almost guarantee you the outcome will be a good one. So, if you want your relationship to succeed, have a positive attitude, there’s nothing like it.

By: Nicole Hartley

 

 

Dunkin vs. Starbucks: What Does Your Taste in Coffee Say About Your Taste in Guys?

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Dunkin’ or Starbucks? The long-standing debate of who makes the better coffee could also say a lot about your taste in men.

Dunkin’ Fanatics:

If your pick is Dunkin, you are into the “All-American” guy. You like a hard-working, reliable, and manly man. You appreciate someone that knows what they want, but is laid back at the same time. You like a guy who gets things done and who is there for you when you need them.

Starbucks Lovers:

If you’re a Starbucks lover you like your men well- put together and sophisticated. Generally, you are into the preppy type that lives a fast-paced life style. Your guy is usually sleek and charming or geek-chic and intelligent.

Appearance:

Dunkin’                                                                  Starbucks

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Residence:

Dunkin’                                                                 Starbucks

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Pets:

Dunkin’                                                                  Starbucks

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Friends:

Dunkin’                                                                   Starbucks

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You:

Dunkin’                                                                   Starbucks

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By: Nicole Hartley

Dating Clichés That Are Not Actually Cliché

Clichés are the building blocks of our great-love expectations. In Pretty Woman when, Julia Roberts’ knight-in-shining armor is actually a business tycoon in a white stretch limo with roses in his hand (close enough). Or in The Notebook, when Ryan Gosling wrote letters to his love every day for a year to prove his devotion. Yes, these acts of true love are extreme and unrealistic, but not in their entirety…

We are told that clichés are silly and don’t mean a thing, well here at Project Soulmate, the Best Matchmaking Service in New York City, we disagree. Let’s boil these scenarios down to the aspects that should be considered romantic, not silly in the dating world.

Every woman loves flowers. That is a fact. If she says she doesn’t, then she is lying because even if there is a slight chance that she actually doesn’t like flowers, the gesture speaks for itself in a big way. When a man brings a woman flowers it shows her that he was thinking of her and went the extra mile just to make his woman smile a little more. Buying flowers does not have to be such an expensive ordeal either! There are few things more romantic than a single red rose.

Now, the white stretch limo; this is a bit of a stretch… but the point is not lost. The idea of planning a little in advance and showing the extra effort goes a long way. It does not have to be a limo, but making a reservation at a nice restaurant or buying surprise tickets to your significant others favorite show, movie, or sports team is unparalleled when it comes to a loving gesture. Simply showing that you made an effort will create those butterflies that we all search for.

And finally, the 365 love letters from Ryan Gosling. Again, the emphasis is on the point. Writing little notes to each other is very cute and endearing. If you have to leave for work before your partner gets up, leave a little note by the coffee pot that you set up for them, saying ‘have a great day! I love you’ or ‘Hope this coffee brightens up your day like you brighten up mine’. Or leaving a little note in the bathroom telling your partner how beautiful or handsome they look, even if you didn’t get to see them. These little notes are precious memories that can be saved in the drawers of your nightstands or in a scrapbook, and will bring you both happiness and giggles when you look back at them in the future.

I know we are all busy, especially in a city like New York, but do not let that stop you from taking the little steps that make a huge difference. Coming from the relationship experts, clichés are the way a happy, healthy and thriving relationship.

By: Alexia Chicles

The Relationship Guide: He’s Just Not that Into You

The Relationship Guide: He’s Just Not that Into You

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If you haven’t seen the movie He’s Just Not That Into You, we have all heard the daunting phrase.

The start of relationships can be exciting, nerve-wracking and at times confusing. At first, everything seems to be going really well. Maybe you met him on a night out with your girlfriends and he asked for your number and instantly you felt like “YES! He’s into me!” After a few days and no call, you start to wonder what’s going on. Is he busy? Did he lose my number? Did his phone accidently fall into a toilet? Then the self-doubt hits you. “Maybe it’s me. Is he not into me?”

Despite the optimism given by your friends and family, Here’s how you know that he’s not into you:

  1. He doesn’t call/text you first
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    This is relationship 101. If he is never the first one to text or call you, he’s not into it. Sure, it’s okay to text him first every once in a while, but if he’s truly interested he will reciprocate your feelings.
  2. If he does text you, it’s past 11 p.m.
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    Let’s face it, if he does bother to text you, but it’s not until after 11 p.m. you are 100% a booty call. We’ve all been there whether we like to admit it or not, but recognizing the situation can sometimes be harder than you think. If this is something that you want, go for it. However, if you are expecting to hopefully date this person down the road, he’s no good and he’s certainly no good for you because he’s not interested in forming a relationship off of late night hookups. Drop him like a hot potato because all he’s interested in is getting his and you deserve to find something and someone more worth your while. Don’t settle for being his late night hookup especially if you want more!
  3. Every date you have involves drinking:
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    Drinking and dating often go hand in hand, but if your guy is only taking you to the local bars when he sees you this is a big red flag. A guy that is truly into a girl wants to take them to dinners, movies, and other fun date nights. If he is only taking you to go get drinks he doesn’t take the relationship seriously. He may just be looking for a good time, but you can count him out for the long haul.
  4. They don’t want to introduce you to their friends or family
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    Friends and family are a huge aspect to dating and getting to know your significant other. If he is hesitant or just outright doesn’t want to introduce you to his friends or family, then he’s either got something going on personally or yep, you guessed it: he’s just not that into you. If he doesn’t want to introduce you to the most important people in his life, it is a huge telling of the fact that maybe you aren’t one of those “important” people in his life. So, my best advice is if you have been dating someone for a while and haven’t met at least a couple of his friends, it’s time to either have a talk or let the relationship go.
  5. They only compliment you on your physical attributes
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    This is a big one. If all the guy you’re interested in can do is talk about how hot he thinks you are or what a “killer body” you have, then he clearly both does not know enough about you and quite possibly does not care to know. Often times if the only compliments he can give are about your appearance then conversation probably flat-lines more often than not. What are you supposed to talk about with someone that can’t come up with a compliment better than “wow, I think you’re really pretty”? Drop the shallow guy and go get yourself someone that appreciates you for you and all that you have to offer in a relationship.
  6. “If he acts like he doesn’t give a sh*t, he genuinely doesn’t give a sh*t”
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    Thank you, He’s Just Not That Into You for this amazing line. There is nothing more true than the fact that guys just do not think about things the same way girls do. They do not over-analyze, they do not sit by the phone and wait for your phone call, and they certainly do not waste their time on someone they aren’t interested in. So, if he acts like he doesn’t care that much, I promise you he doesn’t. Plain and simple.images-4

Identifying if he’s into you is probably the hardest part because the hopefulness inside of us always wants to be optimistic that things will work out. However, in most cases, it just is the way it is. Either he’s into you or he’s not, there usually isn’t an in-between. So, let go of the guys that just can’t get it together to like you for you because chances are they aren’t the ones for you anyway. Don’t waste your time because it’s better spent on someone that will show you their interest off the bat and treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

By: Nicole Hartley

How Picky is Too Picky When Searching for a Relationship?

Lately, it seems that no matter where we turn we’re faced with articles that say that our generation is “un-dateable” or “there are perfectly good reasons why you’re single!” At the end of the day, it doesn’t take a relationship expert to figure out why most of us are single. It’s because we’re too damn picky.

Don’t get me wrong- there’s no problem with knowing what you want in a relationship. That will save you a lot of time, emotions, and lipstick in the long run.

The problem we have is that, especially when it’s been a while, we tend to concoct this dream man straight out of a Nicholas Sparks novel and any guy who doesn’t meet those standards gets brushed off. Hell, you could have the best matchmaking service in NYC set you up and still find a flaw in your date. Maybe that’s why we’ve been deemed un-dateable?

There’s also a problem within the problem. A lot of us are blind to the fact that we’re picky. We wonder why we push guys away after a few dates or second-guess the relationship when something goes slightly awry.

These things happen because we may not be picky in the beginning, but as the relationship progresses, our pickiness decides to sneak out of the woodwork.

At first, he’s your type. He draws you in and you thank the heavens that you’ve finally broken out of your rut. You’re ready to laugh in all of the faces of those who said you were un-dateable.

Then, you’re pickiness shows up to the party. You notice that he’s not as cute when he shaves his beard. You love that he has tattoos, but think the ones he has are tacky and cliché. That one time he came over for a Netflix date, he chose way too girly of a movie (which he only chose for you and almost definitely hated) which makes him way too sensitive.

We’re all guilty of it. We ruin a good thing by nitpicking the reasons why a perfectly good guy isn’t good enough for us. We end up losing him and blame it on everything but the fact that in our picky minds, he just wasn’t up to par.

Like I said, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with knowing what you want in a man and in a relationship. But when the shoes he wears on the third date makes or breaks the relationship, that’s when you need to take a step back and reevaluate which of your criteria are actually important to you, and which ones are just picky pet peeves getting in the way of love.

 

BY: Nicole D’Amato

Thinking of Giving an Ultimatum? Think Again.

According to Beyoncé’s Single Ladies hit, “if you like it then you should have put a ring on it”- and she is right.
Waiting for your long-term partner to give an imminent proposal can be unbearable. No matter how many obvious hints that you may drop; if your relationship status remains at a standstill, the idea of speeding up the proposal process with an ultimatum or deadline probably seems like the most efficient option. However, the risk of forcing the love of your life into choosing all-or-nothing – when it comes to your relationship – instigates the dangers of scaring them away or coercing them into propose before they are ready to fully commit.
It is no secret that men are skittish when it comes to “till’ death do us part,” so when it comes to talking about marriage, you may have to take the reins. Instead of shoving marriage down your partner’s throat, clear the air with an open discussion about marriage. Open communication is key to any relationship, so arranging a conversation with your partner about marriage is a healthy, efficient alternative to an ultimatum that will allow you both to better express your individual opinions. Once you have The Talk, it is up to your partner to decide whether they want to propose or not and then, it is up to you to decide whether you are able to wait or move on. When it comes to making these life-changing decisions, it is important to follow your heart, but remember to always remain true to yourself and fulfilling the goals that you strive to achieve.

BY: SAMANTHA COHEN

Do Couples Who Workout Together… Work Out?

Group of friends enjoying walk in park

Originally written for the Dasha Wellness NYC blog October 11, 2012

Fitness couples. You know ’em.  The hot couple working out together at the gym, prepping for a marathon in Central Park, or going mountain climbing or hiking as their weekend activity. However, sometimes these “fitness couples” get a bad rap. Why is this? Maybe it makes everyone else bitter/jealous that more often than not we spend time eating, having cocktails, and sitting on the couch with our significant other and secretly wishing we were more active together? I’d say that whatever a couple likes to do together is a good thing. Outsiders should MYOB :).

Whether or not a couple works out together really depends on the couple- there is no need to keep this aspect of life separate! If fitness is something that you both enjoy, then of course, do it together! One of my favorite ways to spend time with my husband is when I roller blade and he runs! However, when giving advice to someone planning a first date, I never suggest planning anything too active or outdoorsy. It is way too much pressure on daters to prove themselves right off the bat! A first date should be relaxed where the couple can make eye contact.

After couples have been dating for a while, a situation that can cause the relationship to run into trouble is when one person pressures the other to work out or tone up. Clearly fitness is important for good health, but I think pressure of any kind isn’t a good thing. A person will become resentful, and chances are, your request will backfire. Everyone is the boss of his or her own body, so don’t project your insecurity onto your partner. However, if your partner is complaining about wanting to tone up or get in shape, then by all means offer ideas!

Until next time,

xoxo Lori Zaslow
Matchmaker & Co-Founder
Project Soulmate