What makes a Good Wingman

wing manIf your best friend has ever shoved you right into your crush, you have been part of the wingman movement.

They’re at your local bars, clubs, even that hipster coffee shop on the corner. Wingmen walk among average New Yorkers just waiting to volunteer as tribute for a friend in need. She has an ugly friend? Get yourself a wingman. You’re a little shy? You know who to call.

Being a wingman is often a rite of passage into brotherhood. But can having a wingman actually get you a girl? Matchmaking expert Lori Zaslow has the tips to help you wing maneuver  your way into a woman’s heart.

Who? A wingman is like a television host. They must be gregarious, charismatic, and full of positive energy. Not everyone can be behind a TV screen, likewise not old friend can be a wingman. A good wingman has to have an unflagging determination to help you score. Whether this means distracting her other friends, interfering when other guys trying to land the same girl, or stepping in during the awkward silences.

Your wingman must also reflect who you are. If your wingman is much more attractive than you are, the girl you’re eyeing might fall for your buddy instead of you. If your wingman is unattractive, then the girls may walk away from him before he even introduces you. It sounds harsh (I know) but in order to have a successful chance you need a wingman who is equally as attractive.

Why? There are many added benefits to utilizing a wingman. Even for the most confident stud, having a wingman is an advantage over going out solo. Women often go out in groups and stick by each other for most of the night. Success during a girls night out can be laborious and often impossible without any backup. A good wingman will take the difficult task of breaking the ice so that by the time you waltz in everyone is in a good mood.

A wingman can help keep the flow of the conversation going by adding parts of a story you may have missed. He or she should also try to make you look good, but in a subtle way. For instance, instead of saying how great of a guy you are, a good wingman would reference a time where you went out of your way to help a friend.

How? Your wingman is there to give a pep talk when needed and ease an introduction, however, the rest is up to you. If you are not confident enough to speak for yourself, you will always miss your chance. Approaching a person for the first time is not always the easiest task. But, by keeping a positive mindset before and during your interaction you can release some of the stress that comes from getting to know someone and enjoy the conversation. 

It is easier to approach women when you have a wingman willing to take the loss with you if you get denied – and if you’re dating in NYC, you know this is not a rare occurrence. Having a wingman can only help you get a girl if both of you are confident and cool – it can’t be solely one of you playing the game.

So the answer is yes! The wingman thing still works fellas, you just need to find the right ‘bro’ to take to the bar.


Written by Christina Madera


online dating photos

Online Dating Genius: The Group Picture


Let’s talk about this important DON’T in online dating: pictures with friends

I call these type of people beauty blenders. They love being in group pictures because it’s kind of like choir; you can’t really tell who has the terrible voice when there are so many harmonizing. Their online profiles are filled with pictures of with friends, family, and coworkers. You can’t even really see what he or she looks like because most of the pictures are dark, blurry, and crowded. Capital NO

We get it: you may be shy – too shy – to ask someone to take a picture of you or maybe you just look your best when you’re just a floating head behind your biff’s shoulders. Whatever your excuse is; this is a huge mistake for online dating.

For starters, it’s so confusing. You are one of 5 girls in the picture all with brown hair and a drink in your hand. You are making it a guessing game for anyone viewing your profile, which is bothersome to most. If you truly love the way you look in the picture, crop everyone out or add a comment that pinpoints exactly which brunette you are. The focus should be on you, not your posse.

Second, do your friends even know that they’re on a dating website? Not everyone is open to the idea of their image spreading throughout the internet. Not only is it creepy, it’s also highly inappropriate (especially if it’s a drunk selfie).

Lastly, it’s deceiving. You may have taken “if you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends,” too seriously. The spice girls were all jaw droppingly gorgeous movie stars (not saying that you’re not pretty in pink as well) but, what if the person behind the computer screen is actually falling for your friend instead of you? Is this part of your master plan?

Dating scams are never the way to go. Eventually, the person will figure out that you’re not who you claim to be. Be honest and you will find people who truly want to date you for you.

One – maybe two – group pictures with friends is acceptable. It paints a picture of a social butterfly who is likeable and fun. But once you pass a third – strike, you’re out. Bottom line is many people are already hesitant about dating online because of the lack of face to face. So in order to ease their search, you need to show your face! Group photos are a concrete example of poor online dating etiquette.

Written by Christina Madera

Christina Madera is our hilariously bright Business and Communications Intern.


Find more genius advice by checking out some of our other Online Dating Genius posts like:  

The Height Exaggeration, The Offspring Pic, The Hot Chick In Your Pic, or The Not Your Baby Pic

Did you know that Project Soulmate offers professional photo coaching and other management services for your online dating accounts?

Click here for more info!  Or Contact Us and ask!

Jane Rudes is a Communication Consultant and our Online Division Director at Project Soulmate. Jane is happy to speak with any interested, prospective clients about our online services and answer questions about your online profile or other common online dating woes.


Find more good stuff here: Twitter: @projectsoulmate   Facebook: Like us!   Pinterest:  Project Soulmate

Three ways dating sites could end catfishing

Online dating website on a laptop display hardwood desktop and stationery on background


Whether it’s fake profiles or older pictures; the catfish epidemic is not showing signs of death anytime soon. It’s just too easy to lie on social media and there seem to be little repercussions for those who do so. Although social media websites were intended for connecting with friends, family members, and other people you’re already familiar with; it has increasingly been used for stranger-to-stranger connections especially when speaking of online dating sites. How can online dating sites potentially put an end to catfishing or at least severely decrease the phenomenon? Project soulmate has some words of advice to the dot-coms of dating.

Up to date vlogs
Yes, video blogs! Asking members of a dating website to add quarterly vlogs of themselves in their most natural habitats would help determine which profiles are hoaxes. If you love the outdoors show some video of your latest hike. These vlogs could be a short minute or two. While pictures can be saved or screenshot, you cannot save videos from Instagram, Snapchat, or Twitter. If a picture is worth a thousand words a vlog will surely trump that.

Attach social media accounts to the dating site
It’s the easiest way to spot a fake account. If you google search the name of the user you’re interested in and no other social media accounts are found, this could be a red flag. Or worst, you search them and a facebook account with a small number of followers shows up….not a good sign either.
But, why should you have to do all of this FBI work in the first place? Most people on online dating sites just don’t have the time to meet people in person. So you most definitely will not have time to stalk every potential date you come across. Online dating sites should ask to link all other social media accounts to their websites so that users could get comprehensive views of each other and to avoid possible catfishing.

Putting a limit on messaging
A lot of the commercial matchmaking sites have already been using this strategy. You need to pay for their membership before you can message a user. However, mobile dating apps have not yet followed the trend. Simply, limiting the number of messages sent per user could be valuable in the fight to end catfishing. Someone who is serious in finding love would not be messaging over 25 accounts in a month. They would want to review a user’s photographs and bio’s before deciding whether or not to connect. Online dating is not a shopping spree, anyone choosing quantity over quality may be a scammer.

Unfortunately, catfishing can never be completely eradicated. There will always be people pretending to be someone they are not. If the dating company or app you’re using isn’t protecting you from getting catfished, maybe it’s time to speak to a professional matchmaker.

Written by Christina Madera