How to Find the Cheater

How to Find the Cheater

Have you been noticing some shady things your boyfriend’s been doing lately? Like changing his pass code… deleting texts… or even blowing off plans? Well I know you might not want to admit it, but your boyfriend sounds like a cheater.

The absolute worst thing to happen in a relationship, is to find out your significant other has been cheating on you. So wouldn’t you like to find out sooner, rather than later? Project Soulmate thinks so. We think you shouldn’t waste your time on someone who is clearly not as invested in the relationship as you are. We know most people are genuine, and not cheaters, but on the off chance that you happen to be dating a scummy-mc-scummers, our relationship experts have come up with some clues for you to look out for.

Let’s start with some obvious red flags: you notice he’s been deleting text messages. I’m not talking about if he’s been doing this the whole time you’ve know him, and he’s just doing it to save space; I’m talking about the guy who has recently started. And for some reason, he really doesn’t want anyone seeing these mysterious text messages. Obviously we don’t condone “snooping” because that shows a lack of trust and disrespect for personal privacy, so our love experts suggest that maybe the first thing you should do is to ask him upfront. If he answers quickly, and doesn’t seem nervous, then I’m sure you’re fine; if not, though, then you might’ve found yourself a cheater.

The next obvious is that they are frequently blowing off plans. Your boyfriend/girlfriend should want to spend time with you, and hopefully in a healthy relationship, they should want to spend about as much time with you as you do with them. So even if he’s not cheating, and is just blowing off plans because he’s “had enough of you for the week,” it’s probably time to dump him anyways. But, if he is cheating, blowing off plans is a definite sign. He might have some great excuse, but more than three or four times seems a little fishy to me. Start asking the real questions like a blunt “Are you cheating on me” and see what he can come up with.

How to Find the Cheater

Sometimes it’s not so easy to see, though, so then you get dragged along in a yearlong relationship only to find out from a friend who saw him out with another girl last night. We don’t want that to happen, I can already see the embarrassment of finding out that way, and it’s killing me. So if you’re already starting to feel like he might be cheating, but you aren’t noticing any “obvious” signs, maybe pay attention to some of these… The first is that out of nowhere he seems to be caring a lot more about his appearance when he’s going to work or just going to hang out with friends. This could mean he’s been buying nicer clothes to wear, or has even begun working out a lot more to get his body in shape. Another sign might be that he has started being overly attentive towards you or started giving you gifts unexpectedly when he’s never done that before. This can sometimes be a sign of guilt, and he’s trying to balance out the fact that he’s been cheating.

The best advice Project Soulmate can give you if you feel like your man or your girl is cheating on you is to ask them upfront. You can get a lot from their answer just by how nervous they may get, how quickly they may try to change the subject, or even if they try to immediately put the blame back on you. If you are feeling “iffy” about your relationship, whether it’s because your significant other is cheating or not, maybe the most important thing to do is to look at the big picture and realize that a happy, healthy relationship won’t have any doubts at all and it could be time to move on.

If after checking out these clues, and unfortunately discovering your significant other has been cheating, then don’t worry. The world is not over, and I can promise you there is someone else out there willing to treat you like the queen you are. Project Soulmate is just here to help you weed out the bad cookies, and to help you find the good ones. Relationships are our forte, and happy, healthy ones are our favorite!

 

Emily Stovall

Nailing The First Impression

UnknownThat’s it! You’ve done it! You’ve successfully weeded through all of the creeps, weirdos, and catfish that you matched with to find a semi-normal human being out there in the online dating universe. You are now well on your way to finding love in NYC. Congratulations, you’ve made it further than most. Now it’s time to take your dating to the next level and go out IRL, and you don’t need an expert matchmaker to tell you that making a good first impression is the most important part of meeting up. Here are a few quick tips for nailing the first impression.

 

Picking a place to meet can be difficult. The location you suggest can say a lot about you before you and your match meet. With that in mind, try to choose somewhere between your two locations that you wouldn’t be ashamed to be associated with. Remember, the decor, clientele, and menu prices will reflect on you.

 

Guys, make sure to show up exactly on time, if not five minutes early. Girls, be sure not to show up more than three minutes late, if not exactly on time. Timeliness shows that you respect the other person. Especially if you’re dating in NYC, it’s always better to be too early and wait in the coffee shop across the street than to rush in thirty minutes late because of traffic only to find their seat has been vacated–or worse, filled by someone else.

 

Any expert matchmaker will tell you appearances matter. The first thing someone sees is what you’re wearing. Your clothes and how you put them together say a lot about you that you don’t realize. Ladies, six inch heels and leather pants can scream “high maintenance” while guys, a beanie and flannel may proclaim “freelancing hipster.” So if that’s the statement you’re looking to make, by all means go for it but be aware of what your clothes say about you.

 

Most importantly, have fun and smile! The best way to make a first impression is to allow your most positive attitude to shine through. Even if you make the other person travel across town, show up late, and look like a bum, any date can be saved by a sense of humor and a winning personality. People like people who are enjoyable to be around, it’s as simple as that.

Written by Joyce Cohen

Dating in NYC: Quick Dates for the New York Foodie

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While it might be tricky to find love in NYC, finding good food is not. Yet dinner dates can be intimidating, so our matchmaking team has found some sweet spots that will make dating in NYC a little easier. Here is what we found:

For the sweet tooth:

  • City Bakery- Come here to warm up with a cup of their rich hot chocolate. And if the date is going well, stroll down to the Rubin Museum of Art and check out their latest exhibit.
  • Momofoku Milk Bar- Go for some creamy treats or even try their crack pie. If time is going by too quickly, take a walk over to union square.
  • The Donut Pub- Don’t be fooled by its casual vibe, the Donut Pub is filled with sweet surprises, literally. Still want a little something else? Walk over to Chelsea Market and explore the different shops.
  • Pop Bar- Looking to cool down? Pop bar’s “gelato on a stick” will change the way you think of a popsicle. And once it melts, walk down to Washington Square Park to keep the conversation going.

For something a little more savory:

  • Black Seed Bagels- Experience the famous New York bagel by trying Blackseed’s fresh and filling sandwiches. Once you are done, window-shop while strolling through the streets of Soho.
  • Mimi Cheng’s Dumplings- Take a trip to Taiwan by biting into the dumplings served at Mimi Cheng’s. Not done yet? Catch a movie across the street at the Village East Cinema.
  • Eataly- Just like Italy, Eataly is like a little slice of heaven. Walk around their large Italian market and take a peek at their large variety of delicious dishes. Once you’re done, head over to Madison Square Park and admire the surrounding buildings.
  • The Melt Shop- This little shop will have you reconsidering the simplicity of grilled cheese by stuffing their sandwiches with delicious twists. If you’re in their Financial District shop, follow it up with a walk on the Brooklyn Bridge. And if you are at their Midtown location, walk around Fifth Ave and check out the art at the MOMA.

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Marriage: Told by Three Generations

Successful Marriage
In the midst of this 21st century world of dating in New York and marriages, it seems so common for people to break-up or get divorced. But why? I’ve been trying to figure out why this seems to happen so frequently now a days because 1. It’s interesting, and 2. I want to avoid it happening to me! So I thought it would be cool for the relationship experts over at Project Soulmate to see how three different generations would answer this simple question: What are five things that make a successful marriage?

I asked this question to my sister who has recently been married, to my mother who has been married to my dad for 27 years, and to my grandma who was married to my grandpa for 57 years until his passing. Now I’m not saying any of them are relationship experts, but they’ve definitely got some experience under their belt. I was not sure what kind of responses I would get, if they’d be identical or drastically different, but I thought that either way it could give some insight into the difficult world of marriage. So here are their answers, word for word. Check them out and see what you think; I mean I might’ve just hacked the secret for a long-lasting marriage

Successful Marriage

Celeste – 26 Years Old, Newlywed

  1. Communication
  2. Doing things together, but also having alone time
  3. Supporting one another’s goals
  4. Being able to make the other laugh, like singing “fireflies” by Owl City
  5. SEX

Tara – 54 Years Old, Married for 27 Years and Counting

  1. Take Care of yourself/stay in shape/exercise; and if you are a stay at home mom, still fix your hair and put on your makeup
  2. Send gifts/flowers etc. to his work or place of business, just because, not because you are apologizing for something
  3. Have time separate from each other – encourage guy trips/girl trips with friends
  4. When it comes to household finances get and stay on the same page
  5. Sit down to dinner together whenever possible… Even if it means eating at odd times
  6. Always have time for him, ask yourself; “If my best friend form high school walked in the door, would I be too tiredSuccesful Marriage to do something with her?”

Marietta – 79 Years Old, Married for 57 Years

  1. Have to be agreeable when raising your children, when you punish them and everything
  2. Considerate of each other, not selfish
  3. Have to love each other
  4. Willing to wait on them, to take care of them in sickness or in health
  5. Go to church together

 

After going through their answers, they did seem to be very different, but also had some general things that matched. For example, they all agree that communication is very important, whether it is about finances or raising kids, you and your hubby/wifey need to communicate and be on the same page. Another one that stuck out most to me, was how important it is to make time for one another, and to definitely not be selfish when it comes to your relationship. It might seem ridiculous, and there’s clearly no science behind it, but I think these tips could be really useful. If nothing else, I can assure you that these people, no matter how long it’s been, are still very in love; so that’s enough science for me!

The first thing on your agenda, though, is finding the guy/girl to even consider for marriage. And Project Soulmate knows just how to find them!!

 

Emily Stovall

“Date ‘Em Till You Hate ‘Em” And Other Actually Good Dating Tips You Hate

Everyone has that one aunt—or cousin, or mother’s friend, or friend’s mother, or nosy married acquaintance—who thinks a few dating tips makes them a relationship expert. That one person who is brimming with annoying platitudes and trite dating tips that don’t seem to be relevant to dating today, let alone dating in NYC. Here are some terrible pieces of advice I’ve gotten (some of which rhyme!) and why they aren’t actually that bad.

Don’t Say No Just Go

This dating tip is one I’ve always struggled with because sometimes you just know when you don’t like someone and not everyone who sets you up is going to be an expert matchmaker with perfect taste. But the truth is that you never know someone until you spend a few hours with them one on one. You need to give everyone (with in reason) a chance if you want to find love in NYC.

Date ‘Em Till You Hate Em

You hear this one and ask yourself, shouldn’t you keep dating them because you like them not because you don’t hate them? It’s perfectly fine to be unsure of your feelings when first dating someone but, until you feel one way or the other about them it’s worth it to follow this dating tip and keep giving them a shot. You never know who may grow on you.

You Need To Go Out

Being single and being told to go out and “be seen” is by far one of the most irritating dating tips. Unless you’re working with a top matchmaker, you know you need to go out, how else are you going to meet people? But sometimes all of those people pretending to be relationship experts telling you how to live your life gets frustrating. You know what you need to do to meet people and that is: go out! You may not want to hear it or feel like it’s obvious but, sometimes the most obvious relationship advice is the best advice.

Just Have Fun!

Easier said than done right? Wrong, your bad attitude helps no one. When you’re dating, it’s important to remember this dating tip because the person across from you is in the same position as you: awkwardly trying to make conversation in the hopes of finding something more. The more you enjoy yourself, the more they will enjoy the date and the better the outlook will be for finding love in NYC.

 

Written By Joyce Cohen

Online Dating Genius: Cool Vacay, But I Don't Care

Online Dating Genius: The Travel Pics

Welcome to #6 of Online Dating Genius: A blog series brought to you by the online dating experts at your favorite NYC Matchmaking Service, Project Soulmate! Each post we will reveal another “do-not” in the world of online dating.

As usual, if you online date, you will relate!

Online Dating Genius: Cool Vacay, But I Don't Care

So, what is on the agenda this week? Hopefully not uploading too many pictures from your vacation to your online dating profile.

Picture this: the girl of your dreams has just gone through about 20 different online dating profiles, and after reading what each had to say about themselves (yes guys, females actually read every word), 8 stick out most and you made the cut! Problem is, on paper all 8 of you seem pretty similar because you each fit the criteria she entered into the search bar. Now she has to determine who she really wants to meet. How will she go about doing that? The same way you make that decision, from the photos! Luckily you have already passed the hard part – a really well written profile – but will she find you attractive enough? Will your pics make or break her decision?  Here is where your one-too-many vacation pics become a huge problem for your online dating profile.

Sure we all think your 30 day excursion to Hong Kong was awesome, you seem very worldly and fun to be with and we’re all really jealous, but (1) stop rubbing it in, and (2) did we really need 20 pics of your trip while we still barely know what your face looks like?! Are you offering Hong Kong itself? You can see the problem here. The tiebreaker between Other Guy and You has just been broken and you lost. Girl Of Your Dreams could not figure out what you look like and to make matters worse, now she thinks you are weird for posting all those random pics.

We’re not saying cut them out completely; sometimes they give your dating profile a little character and can set you apart. Just limit them to maybe one or two and ideally, you are in them. If not, include a caption about why that moment stood out to you. Show her who you are.  Either way, you must have a variety of good pics of yourself in the mix.

In the future, try to keep in mind that this is a dating website and not a social media website or Trip Advisor. People are looking for a potential date and often for the love of their life, not a travel agent. Why not show off all of your favorite vacation pictures after you and your new date get a little closer? Impress her by “friending” her on Facebook where she can look at your travel pics all she wants!

Don’t let these common mistakes discourage you, though. We know how tough online dating is, but there are so many other strategies that actually work in your favor. Covering your profile with vacation pictures is simply not one of them.

Project Soulmate is able to offer you helpful tips to make your online dating profile stand out from the crowd, and through our assistance with profile writing, photography, coaching, and account management services we make this whole “finding the love of my life” thing a piece of cake. Our professional matchmakers are always available and willing to help, just Click here for more info!  Or Contact Us and ask!

Check out these Online Dating Genius previous posts: The Offspring Pic, The Bathroom Selfie, The Height Exaggeration, and The Hot Chick In Your Pic.

Find more good stuff here: Twitter: @projectsoulmate   Facebook: Like us!   Pinterest:  Project Soulmate

Emily Stovall

Emily Stovall is our powerhouse Marketing and Business Management Intern.

Jane Rudes is a Communication Consultant and the Online Division Director at Project Soulmate. She is happy to answer questions for interested and prospective online clients regarding common online dating woes and what we can do for your online accounts.