Mother Vs. Matchmaker

“Mother knows best!” is a saying that has rung through our ears since before we were born. And honestly, for most of us, the saying has probably proved true more times than once. Then there’s the BFF who stands right alongside mom in terms of knowing you and knowing (or thinking they know) what’s best for you. From the countless phone calls about the awful date you just went on or the guy who had put your heart through the ringer, to the endless nights filled with chick flicks and drooling over Ryan Gosling, your mom and your best friend think they know the ins and outs of who you should date and (even if they won’t say it out loud) deem themselves your perfect matchmaker.

Although they have your best interests at heart, letting someone close to you play matchmaker can get messy. To find drama-free, no-muss-no-fuss love, it is best to seek out a professional matchmaker.

While you may think, “What’s the point of wasting my time/money/energy on a matchmaker when I have friends and family to do it for free?” you have to realize that there are many differences between the two.


Difference #1: Matchmakers have a much larger network of potential partners for you than your friends and family do.

While your best friend may have the perfect guy from the office that you just have to go on a date with, that’s probably about as broad as her network of singles that she hasn’t set you up with (or at least tried).

And we all know that mom has tried multiple times to set you up with just about any cute guy that she comes across- her boss’s nephew (who she’s only ever seen one picture of), her personal trainer, or even someone she’s never met before but automatically knows will be perfect for you.

On the other hand, professional matchmaking services, like Project Soulmate, have an exceptionally larger pool of singles and potential dates that are just waiting for a chance to go out with you.


Difference #2: Matchmakers get to know you and what you want

As well as your mom and best friend know you, when it comes to your love life, objectifying the topic is not their strong suit. While they may think they know your Mr. Right down to a T, more often than not they miss the target by a long shot. Remember that phase you went through where you were attracted to that grungy, hipster guy that you would always see at your local café? Well your BFF still remembers that, and even though that was five years ago and that phase has long been over, when she passes that grungy, Kurt Cobain-esque guy walking through the streets of Brooklyn, he’s automatically filed in her mind as your potential soulmate.

When working with professional matchmakers, on the other hand, being objective is their strong suit. They will get to know who you are and exactly what you’re looking for in a partner at this point in your life, and use that to find you the perfect match.


Difference #3: No strings attached!

If you go on a first date with someone your mom or friend set you up with and have an awful time, you’re likely to sugar coat it or lie and say you had a decent time to avoid hurting their feelings or coming off as ungrateful.

While matchmakers get to know you on a personal level to find you your perfect match, your relationship is professional rather than personal so you can be 100% honest without worrying about inciting turbulence in your relationship. If your date went horribly and you don’t want to even think about seeing him again, you can openly tell them and they’ll simply look to find you a new, more successful date.

Although your mom and best friend may know the ins and outs of your life and always have your best interest in mind, when it comes to something as important as your love life, sometimes it’s better for them to step aside and lets the professionals take the reins.


BY: Nicole D’Amato

Dating in NYC: The Struggle of Second Guessing Yourself

In a day and age where beauty is perceived differently every day and trends go out just as quickly as they come in, it is easy to second guess ourselves, making it almost inevitable that we second guess ourselves when we are trying to find love in New York City, or anywhere for that matter. Sure, there are those confident, poised people out there who don’t have a doubt in the world about the way they approach things, but not everyone can be that self-assured.
When it comes to someone who is frequently second-guessing herself, new relationships can be a huge anxiety trigger. With a budding relationship, we feel the need to say the perfect, clever thing at the right time or wear the outfit that gives the exact vibe that we want to exude on the first date.

Relationships are supposed to make us nervous. We’re supposed to get the butterflies and be eager to find out what’s going to happen next. The unknowns of relationships inevitably trigger overthinking and second guessing that will drive you crazy. Just know that in the grand scheme of things, what you’re obsessing over is likely a much smaller deal than you think, and being comfortable being yourself will save you loads of unnecessary stress and bring you closer to finding love in New York City.

For example, in today’s fast-paced, tech-oriented world, a new relationship is likely to be filled with casual back-and-forth texting. While texting is a good way to keep in touch throughout a busy day, its lack of intonation can lead to miscommunication. Those of us who second guess ourselves may think that responding too quickly may seem desperate, or that we have to concoct the perfect response to avoid being looked at as crazy/weird/rude/etc. In reality, if this relationship has a future, you (and your significant other) aren’t going to worry about how responding immediately is going to come off, and the witty joke you want to make will be something that make your significant other smile throughout his/her mundane day.

We also tend to second guess ourselves when deciding how to present ourselves. Let’s say your best friend decides to play matchmaker and sets you up with a new guy. You panic the night of the date and swear (like you have a thousand other times) that you have NOTHING to wear that will make the right impression. Sure, first dates, especially when you’ve never met the guy, tend to be nerve racking. But just think- if you do hit it off and spark a romance, sooner rather than later it will not make a difference to him whether he sees you in a little black dress with sky high heels or your favorite jeans and go-to top on your night out, he’ll just be looking forward to seeing you. Not to say you shouldn’t want to get dolled up for him, but the sooner you’re comfortable in your own skin around him, the sooner he’ll be comfortable with the real you.

We need to take a step back and realize that it’s okay not be perfect. To not always say the perfect thing at the perfect time and to not always be flawless. Perfect gets boring, but being yourself creates a dynamic aspect in your relationship that is likely to keep the ball rolling and, if all goes well, lead to something great.


BY: Nicole D’Amato